Man betrayed by father and fiancé while he grieves mother's passing; 'Why are COPS at my front door?!' AITA? UPDATED 2X
When this man suffers a major betrayal and doesn't know what to do, he asks Reddit:
"My father and fiance betrayed me. I want to get revenge. AITA?"
My mom died 4 years ago from cancer and me and my fiancee used to go his place for dinner nothing unusual about that he was a lonely but lately his mood had improved and I was about to find out why.
So yeah my dad invited us over to dinner and then after dinner they told me they needed to talk to me which was odd to her dad we needed to tell you something.
Turns out they have had a sexual relationship for over 3 months and me being a moron asked how many times I was starting to hyperventilate at that point and they were both reluctant to share that. It's triggering too. I'm not over the death of my mom.
I eventually got the full story won't write that here painful enough and feel stupid for asking I walked out and left them both and told dad you want her you can keep her you are both finished with me and told my fiancee to give me the keys to my apartment...
she was crying as she was struggeling to get the key of her chain I did it for her gave her other keys back and told her I would pack her things and she could come over and pick it up when I was finished.
Her mom came over and picked up her things (she actually sent her mom to do it) I let her in and she had gotten the full story and was so sorry for everything and hoped I would get through this.
My dad and I guess ex-fiancee now has been texting and calling me for the last week not responded or answered any of their calls and my dad even called the cops because he was worried I might hurt myself oh jeez thanks for the concern for my mental health dad maybe you should have considered that before fg my fiancee..
So I get two officers at my door who told me they had recieved a call from my dad worried I might harm myself I told the officer I was not suicidal and explained what had happened and they both looked disgusted and apologized for bothering me and what I was going through.
The look of pity from the officers made me feel worse I felt just ashamed having to tell these two guys that not sure why I felt shame but I did.
Anyways dad wants me to talk to him I have no idea what to do here I have no other family no aunts or uncles and now no fiancee either anymore.
I have kept busy by going to the gym and trying to live my life as normally as possible my fiancee has moved back with her parents but she is apperantly still in contact with my dad since dad keeps texting me that she is worried about me, apperantly I am the asshole here since he feels that I should not treat her this way.
So yeah I am the asshole here apperantly I mean what do I even do here I have ended it with her clearly but then there is my dad who is now trying to "fix" things and wants me to forgive her. They are both begging me for forgiveness. And now I have to deal with the police? I honestly just want them both to leave me alone. AITA?
Before we give you OP's two major updates, let's take a look at some of the top responses:
lowerpresence writes:
So, after three months, they randomly decided it was time to tell OOP. Then they were shocked that he didn’t want anything to do with them??? Imagine being this kind of spouse or father.
I wonder what they have to talk about now that the person that brought them closer together hates them. I assume they just cry in bed together at night disgusted with themselves.
I hope so anyway. Also, I wonder if OOP’s mom saw this from above and decided to mess with them from wherever she is. I would 100% haunt someone who did my son wrong.
beachbottlenose writes:
This is even worse than a typical cheating story. If OOP’s ex had cheated with any other guy, he could have broken off the engagement and moved on with his life.
But because his Dad (god that’s awful to write) was the other man, this betrayal has cost OOP his only family. His relationship with his dad is going to be forever damaged. OOP can always find another partner but he can’t get another dad
shipsnight writes:
Makes sense his dad and ex got together. Two vile, reprehensible individuals deserve each other. They’re so awful, no one else could love them.
I actually saw a comment on Reddit a while ago from a woman who knows a man where the same thing happened. His dad and wife got together. She left him, and his dad left his mom. 40 year marriage down the drain.
The man and his ex shared a son, and her and his dad went on to have several kids together. So not only did his ex wife become his stepmom, his son became his stepbrother, his dad became his sons stepdad, and they shared half siblings.
From what she wrote, he still talked to his dad because he coordinated their son going back and forth, and he was the only way he got to see his son. It sounded like after all that, the ex wanted to cut him off from their son.
What kind of sick individual do you need to be to do something like this? Especially to your child? I wouldn’t feel surprised if their son does the same with his mom.
britishbeef writes:
OOP has incredible strength and dignity, I hope he finds the amazing partner he deserves. While I hope this level of betrayal never happens to me, I also hope that if it does I can be even half as strong as OOP.
Ex-GF and the dad are probably in a hilariously bad position. They have no choice but to double down because the publicising of their actions has cost them relationships, respect and possibly even opportunities. What's left but to stick together, otherwise they'd have ruined their lives for nothing.
I'll bet if they're still together now they're both miserable, mentally unstable but unable to admit the sheer size of their screwups and personality flaws. The fact that the ex thought her BFF would be sympathetic to her shows how disordered she was even beyond sleeping with her partner's father.
And the dad is the kind of person to nuke his relationship with his own child (who I'm assuming is his last nuclear family) for selfish thrills.
And who couldn't even bring himself to sincerely apologise instead of preaching for the ex's forgiveness. These two might deserve each other but man, they're going to hate each other too.
fangsmcwolf writes:
OP's a better person than me. If I had been in that situation, I would have discreetly started recording them and asked them to repeat it because I couldn't believe what I was hearing.
After that, I'd be telling her that she ended the engagement and needs to return the ring (so I can sell it to get money for it), along with what OP did.
I'd return with a couple of friends a few days later and get ALL my stuff (and some memories and valuables of mum) to cut off dear old "dad" right away.
After that, I'd post the video online on several sites and redirect all mutual acquaintances to the videos so that they'd feel the sting just as bad as I did, and so that both of them feel pure shame for it when they see the video and realize just how disgusting they are for what they did.
In short, their lives would be ruined beyond recognition, worse than it sounds from OP's update.
Honestly, I hope that OP feels a surge of resentment and urge to get revenge and shares the information in a way that it lands on the news. They certainly deserve the karma that they would get from it.
dfsmooth writes:
You definitely are not an asshole. Your ex-dad and ex fiancée are more then assholes. I read this and can’t think of anything worse. Being betrayed by the two people who you trusted the most. Only good thing is you dodged the bullet and didn’t marry this POS.
Have you made their affair public? Notified her friends, notified your dads friends, notified everyone who you know? You did right, go NC. Block them on everything. Don’t let them know anything about them?
Did you get your ring back? That’s the only thing you need to do that involves contact with either of them. Those officers weren’t displaying pity to you. They have heard it all and seen it all.
They know when someone, your father, is using the police to harass you. What your dad did is disgusting and the police know it. We are hear for you.
And now, OP's first update:
Hey everybody thanks for all the messages and advice I did not expect this post to blow up as much as it did but I just wanted to post an update on how things stand.
First of all I am doing okay in fact I have slept well these last few nights and had support from some unexpected places.
Many of you wanted me to go public and tell everyone well I did not have to my now ex-fiancee took care of that for me she told her best friend exspecting sympathy, instead she raged at her and now most of her friends and mine are now fully aware of what has happened.
Her best friend called me and we spoke for over an hour apperantly whatever angry thought I may have had regarding my now ex-fiancee was nothing to what her and her friends subjected her too.
They have completely cut her off and they even asked her if she slept with any of their fathers.
Her bestfriend also told me that she still believes I will forgive her and that she wants me back (not happening) and seems to be a little shall we say unstable right now, she seems like a total wreck.
I also spoke to her parents and told them to give her time and don't kick her out I honestly despite what she did don't want her to do anything stupid, her parents are probably more pissed at her than I am.
I also met dad we spoke in person and honestly the reason we spoke is that I wanted to pick up some things from home I had a friend of mine with me just incase I felt the urge to punch him.
He made no attempt at small talk and my friend was walking very close by me like was exspecting me to attack him and was ready to restrain me if it happened.
So that's the update GF is a nervous wreck dumped by all her friend, her BFF and I have become good friends (no we are not sleeping together or anything like that) but she has supported me and we have kept talking on the phone, she had been cheated on herself but she could not even begin to imagine what I went through.
Honestly I feel okay my dad I have cut off completely after I got my some of my moms things including her wedding ring, I am taking this I told him he did not argue and you can have this and gave him my enagement ring (not exspensive and honestly I did not know what I was gonna do with it anyways).
He just looked at me and and now finally it dawned upon him just how badly he had messed up I also told him to stop telling her that I may forgive her you are messing with her head and she needs to realize it's over, he said he would not contact her again I told him I did not care if he did or not.
I got in the car and left and felt a lot better. So that's the update folks I may have gone too far with the ring business but honestly if he wants her then the can marry her. I have had great support from many people including here and ready to move the hell on.
Update 2:
Hi just decided to post one final update since I have been bombarded with questions on how I'm doing and if anything has happened.
I am doing okay my dad and my ex-fiancee have not contacted me at all and have left me alone.
I have had moments were I felt lonely and angry but I had people who have been there for me. My ex-fiancees BFF and I have gotten close and we decided to go on a trip me and her, we are not together but we have gotten close.
Dad and my ex-fiancee like many predicted have been talking and someone spotted them together in town, I kind of suspected it would happen.
It honestly does not bother me they deserve eachother and just thankful I found out before I married her.
More people have found out what happened now, dad and her have lost a huge part of their social circle, so I guess with many disgusted with them both, they found eachother misery loves company after all.
I also made it clear to my other friends if they wanna contact her and talk to her that also does not bother me I don't wanna control anyone, or make anyone feel they have to stay away from her because of me.
I am not gonna be a vindictive asshole that only hurts me in the long run. So to summarize I am doing okay, still seeing a therapist and have gotten close to my ex-fiancees former best friend.
I do get depressed and feel anger and lonely sometimes but I have learned to deal with it. I spent and entire weekend cleaning my apartment to get my ex-fiancees perfume smell out of my apartment since that was a big trigger for me and decided to buy a new bed and a new couch and redecorated a bit.
Sold the old bed and my old couch and honestly it feels like a new apartment, a fresh start if you will. Thanks to everybody for your advice, concerns and comments they helped alot and needed to vent about it.