Man boycott's sister-in-law's wedding, 'I'm excluded from all the wedding events.' AITA?

"AITA for telling my wife I don’t want to go to her sister’s wedding after finding out I’m excluded from all the wedding weekend events?"

My (31M) wife (29F) and I have been married for less than a year. Her sister is getting married in the upcoming weeks, and the whole thing is a full weekend out-of-town event Friday through Sunday. At first, I was on board.

I figured it would be a nice trip, and I’d be spending time with family, meeting some new people, and celebrating. But as plans started coming together, I realized I’m not actually invited to anything except the wedding ceremony and reception.

The women are doing spa days, nails, brunches all that stuff. And at the same time, the guys are doing a bachelor party with arcade games, laser tag, and D&D. All stuff I’d genuinely enjoy. But I’m not invited to either. I’m not guessing here. My wife is in a group chat where all of this is being planned, and I’m not in it.

She told me about the bachelor party plans and said she asked if I could join since I wouldn’t have anything else to do during the weekend. The response was just, “He’s not invited.” No reason. No discussion. Just a flat-out no.

And I’m the only in-law being left out. Other spouses are participating even people who barely know the couple. I’m the only one being excluded, and I honestly have no idea why. I told my wife I’d be happy to apologize if I unknowingly did something to upset someone.

I even asked if her sister or the groom had an issue with me. But she couldn’t think of anything and didn’t seem too interested in pressing for an answer. I’ll go as far as to say I’ve never even been alone with her sister. Ever. All our interactions have been in group settings holidays, family events. And I’ve never met the groom at all. Not once.

So I’m confused. Genuinely confused. I’ve been racking my brain trying to figure out why I’m being singled out. It’s starting to feel deliberate. I even told my wife this gives me a bad feeling like there’s something going on I don’t know about, and I’m being left out on purpose.

She thinks I’m overreacting. She said I’m making this about me and that it’s her sister’s big day. But I told her it’s not about stealing the spotlight it’s about not wanting to go somewhere I’m clearly not welcome. That’s not a good feeling, and I’ve learned not to ignore that instinct.

I don’t want to spend a weekend in a hotel room by myself while everyone else is having fun, pretending everything’s normal. So I told her I don’t think I should go. Now she’s upset and thinks I’m being selfish. AITA for telling her I don’t want to go under these circumstances?

Here's what people had to say about this one:

OkeyDokey654 said:

NTA. And your wife won’t ask why you’re not invited? Yeah, I’d stay home.

madelynashton said:

NTA but can you and your wife go separately? She goes for the weekend and you join just for the wedding?

Greyhound89 said:

Wife should care more about this. She doesn’t even advocate for her new husband to be integrated into the family. Weird dynamic.

jumaca1986 said:

NTA. If your sister assuming you have one excluded her from events like this, she wouldn’t like to feel excluded.

keesouth said:

YTA. You said you've never met the groom. I know you said the other people are going barely know them, but have they at least met the groom? You sound paranoid, and you can't provide a reason that they would be trying to "trap" you.

If you don't go to this wedding, you will just keep perpetuating this cycle. Going to the wedding could be a way for you to meet and get to know these people so you are invited to things in the future. You won't be invited to the next get-together and their reasoning will be he wouldn't even come to our wedding.

scarfaroundmypenis said:

You’ve never met the groom but feel you should be part of the bachelor party? I’m gonna go out on a limb and assume that your wife is a bridesmaid, which is why she’s involved in a lot of pre-wedding activities.

You’re not part of the bridal party, so why would you be invited? YTA for presuming that you would be invited to a fairly intimate event (the bachelor party) simply because your wife is involved.

hadMcDofordinner said:

NTA. Let her go without you. Just let it go for now and don't make this into more than it is. You be you and if you find that you continue to see signs of being excluded as time goes by, either your wife needs to find out what's going on or you decide it's not worth spending time with people who are (perhaps) being less than kind.