Man boycotts thanksgiving; 'If my uncle is there, I refuse to attend. You KNOW what he did.' AITA?

"AITA for excluding my uncle on thanksgiving?"

My (M) uncle and I do not get along. He has autism and struggles to control his temper, especially in group or family settings. Over the years, he has disrupted several holidays and caused scenes at weddings and family reunions.

One Thanksgiving stands out: he called me a b&ch because I didn’t like my grandmother’s homemade cranberry sauce. When my father asked him to leave, he refused. My mother tried to take his plate away, but he knocked it out of her hands, and it shattered at my feet.

This escalated into a physical altercation where my father put him in a headlock, and the two of them overturned the dining room table. After this incident, I decided I wouldn’t attend any Thanksgiving dinner where my uncle was present.

For years, my parents continued to invite him because my grandmother, his mother, lived with them, and they didn’t want to deprive her of the chance to spend the holidays with her only living son. However, my grandmother passed away this fall, and this will be our first Thanksgiving without her.

My uncle was very close to her and loved her deeply, even if he struggled to show it. Knowing this, I still asked my parents if he would be invited to Thanksgiving, telling them I wouldn’t attend if he was. They assured me that he’s not invited, so I’ve decided to go.

Even so, I feel guilty. My uncle has no other family besides us, and I’ve effectively made it clear that I won’t attend holiday events if he’s there.

Am I the asshole for asking my parents to exclude my uncle so I can attend family holidays?

Let's see what readers thought:

dagawer writes:

NTA - I presume your mother is his sister, so if she wants to make him feel included in his family, then she and your father can arrange to see him at a restaurant or a different time from when you are there. You are not obligated to deal with him, and your mother will have to decide what she wants to do with her relationship with her brother.

fleaatt writes:

NTA, you set a boundary about whether you would attend, but your parents still have a choice. They could also do different compromises (ex: you and your uncle arriving and leaving at different times). It’s your choice who you spend time with, and it makes sense that you wouldn’t want to be in a room with someone who is both rude and violent.

favotre writes:

NTA. When he was (rightfully) asked to leave, he was pissed and his actions ended up causing a physical altercation. You are absolutely justified in not wanting to attend any Thanksgiving where he is present, it is an incredibly reasonable boundary given his past actions.

There's a mile of a difference between the inability to read social cues caused by autism and the outright hostility displayed by your uncle. His actions aren't excusable.