Woman snaps, "I'm not just a mother!" after discovering BF got her baby gifts for Christmas.

AITA for buying baby related gifts for my pregnant girlfriend for Christmas?

Many_Ad_3717 writes:

So, my (25M) partner (24F) is 7 months pregnant, expecting our baby boy in March next year. I admit I struggle with gift ideas, so I always make a note when people mention something they want.

In the past few months, she's been talking a lot about baby-related items, not just the essentials, but high-end, expensive designer strollers, furniture, and diaper bags that can cost a few thousand dollars each.

She's been fixated on these things, expressing her desire for them multiple times and even considering saving up to buy them herself (though I'm not sure if she decided to go through with it).

Recently, I received a healthy bonus at work, and I decided to splurge on a few of the items she mentioned as a Christmas gift to her. I made sure to remove anything baby-related from her registry and our list of things to buy so that no one else would purchase them. Despite my efforts to be discreet, she somehow noticed and questioned me about it.

I didn't see the point in hiding it, so I told her I had bought those things as a Christmas gift. I expected her to be grateful, but instead, she seemed irritated. She went on a bit of a rant, expressing that it was unfair to count baby items as a Christmas gift to her, as they were things we'd both use.

She also mentioned that people never give fathers baby-related gifts and found it inconsiderate for me to view her solely as a mother now and not as an individual. While I understand her perspective, I see the items not as the gift itself but as a gesture of buying her the luxuries she specifically wanted, which were not necessities (e.g., paying $2000 for a pram vs. $200).

Additionally, those weren't the only gifts I bought her. I got her about a dozen smaller, cheaper items from my list, as well as a more expensive tennis bracelet + earring set that she had been eyeing, though I didn't mention that to her. So, AITA for including baby-related items as part of her Christmas gifts?

OP responded to some comments:

crazycrockpotlady says:

I’d have worded that you used your bonus to surprise her. And given them at the shower vs using them as Christmas. Especially since you bought the jewelry set she was wanting as her Christmas gift. Same outcome different intention.

OP responded:

Yeah, that probably would've been a better idea.

happybanana134 writes:

YTA (You're the A%#hole). Yea, baby gifts aren't a gift for her, she's right. But I'd actually say Y T A because instead of listening to what she's saying, you're here trying to justify it.

She's telling you she doesn't want to just be a mother, she wants to be a person too - pregnancy can be really rough on women in terms of identity. Acknowledge her point & reassure her that you have got her a present for her.

OP responded:

That's a good point. I guess I'm seeing things from the perspective where I know I've bought her a lot of other gifts I know she wanted, but from her end she probably thinks that's all I've gotten her. And I know I'd probably feel the same way if I was in her shoes.

embopbopbopdoowop says:

YTA. She’s absolutely right - these are things for the baby, not her. You will both use them to care for your child. By making them gifts for her, you’ve effectively assigned the baby to her. It’s hers, her responsibility, and here’s the stuff to go with it.

Not cool. If you want to buy things in preparation for the baby, do so. That’s great. Don’t wrap them and put them under the tree for your partner.

Mistral says:

On reading the title I thought YTA as a gift for the baby is definitely not a gift for the pregnant mum. However, as she wants all really high end stuff, I think you should have just had a conversation with her.

As in saying, ‘ we have a budget of $75 for a diaper bag. If you want a designer bag, it will need to be part of your Christmas present, as I can’t afford to pay $800 for that plus expensive Christmas gifts. Then she could have decided if that means more to her than something on her Xmas list. So I am going with ESH.

Info: Does she work? Is she expecting you to buy all of the high end baby gear unless she ‘saves for it’? Oh and you can get loads of mid-range baby stuff that is gorgeous and long lasting. It doesn’t have to be cheap vs eye wateringly expensive.

What do you think? Is OP wrong to get his wife baby gifts for Christmas?