Man catches wife rehearsing a speech for his funeral; 'I don't know what to do.' UPDATED

"I (35M) caught my wife (29F) rehearsing a speech for my funeral (?)"

Got home early and heard my wife talking to someone at the study. She sounded upset, I thought she might be talking to her mom and didn't announce myself to give her privacy.

But I think I heard her say my name, so I lingered for a second. And then I heard her say "my late husband". She was giving a monologue, saying things about me like an eulogy or like she was talking about me, after I died, to someone who didn't know me.

"I couldn't stay in the city after my husband passed, everything reminded me of him. I had to sell the house even though I loved it so much, we had just bought it..." We just bought a house she loves.

Things like that. Details about me and our life. It was weird af. I walked in and "hey what's going on", thinking she might be on the phone, but she wasn't. She got startled and said she was reading a book out loud.

I think her eyes were watering but I could be imagining things. I don't think she had a book on her.

I am not a big reader myself, is this something people do? Read books out loud and get emotional?

I asked what book it was, she said "it's personal" and changed topics, telling me family stuff.

Is this normal? Have you ever thought about your loved ones passing away and what you would say?

Tl;Dr overheard my wife talking about me as if I was dead, she said she was reading a book out loud.

ahgaieuwre writes:

Hello! Have you ever heard about maladaptive daydreaming? Check out the subreddit if you want to, I have it and your story made me think about it. It often has to do with trauma or situations that are hard to deal with (like what you wrote just now about her friend) and the brain creating a way to deal with it.

It can make you "daydream" but very vividly and it can take the form of talking or wispering to yourself.

Whenever I am caught talking or wispering to myself (about whatever situation I am thinking about), I am mortified because it is so hard to explain to those who do not know about it, (because I can get really caught up in it and even making faces and sometimes also cry or laugh) and it was even harder to explain myself before I got to learn about MDD.

It does not mean she has this, of course, but I read a lot of comments about her being a 'psycho' and I just think that is unfair to her because she might not be, you need to talk to her about what you heard..

agewrtgrwer writes:

I’d recommend politely declining any drinks or meals she prepares for you in the near future.

Kidding. Mostly. I’d encourage you to be upfront with her and tell her that you were kind of freaked out to hear her practicing your eulogy, and make sure she knows that you heard your name. Less room to squirrel out of a straight answer. To be honest, though, I can think of a few explanations off the top of my head:

She’s got a morbid streak. I’ve recently been traveling non-stop and it made me start thinking about the details of my will/funeral in the event of my untimely demise. I’ve rehearsed what I’d like other people to say, and occasionally what I’d say about close friends if they passed.

She’s secretly writing a book. I wrote two novels a few years ago, and I’d regularly “rehearse” dialogue out loud to make sure that it flowed properly and didn’t sound cheesy or overly dramatic.

I’d often use real life situations to see what emotions I’d feel under certain circumstances so that I could properly set the scene for my characters. I was also hyper-protective of these novels and a tad embarrassed, which could explain why she had such a cagey reaction to you. I would lie (badly) all the time about what I was working on while I wrote.

She’s actually plotting your death and wants to make sure she nails the role of a grieving widow. Again, I’m kidding, but if you think there’s even a chance this is a possibility, take care of yourself.

jacobwr writes:

I personally have definitely thought about if my loved ones died. I talk aloud to myself about it and I usually come up with some sort of closure to make myself feel better and a fake eulogy could be that for some people.

It usually helps relieve my stress about something like a family member dying randomly coming to mind. I want to say it’s a natural thing for many people especially if they think out loud. I would try not to let it bother you and if it really does bother you to the point where you’re lying awake at night thinking about it, I think you should talk to each other about it.

That would be the healthiest thing to do I’ve found, from personal experience and from my studies in school.

ahaiou writes:

Okay, I really don't think there is anything sinister going on here. I do things like this too! Granted, normally it's writing a speech as Maid of Honor for my sister or some more happy occasion, but there is something about imagining and planning for a role you will have to play in the future that makes it less terrifying. I am absolutely terrified of losing my partner.

The anxiety caused by thinking about him dying actually causes me pain and I think about it often. This might just be a weird coping mechanism having to do with her anxiety over losing you (even way, way in the future).

She is thinking through everything that would happen in "reality" to make it easier to cope with the psychological pain of grief. I don't think you have anything to worry about! Just ask!

And now, OP's update:

Guys, thanks for all the comments! But I wanna clear something out: this woman is a 5'3 vegetarian who once cut herself in the kitchen and nearly fainted at the sight of her own blood.

Thank you for your concern but she can not stomach murder, I tell you. She closes her eyes on action movies when Tom Cruise needs to jump off a building.

I understand you are all saying better safe than sorry, but if I accept that being murdered by my wife is a possibility, trust is gone and I might as well file for divorce. And it seems a bit too much for the info I have so far.

If I tell a friend or family member, they will never look at her the same even after I find out what the actual f happened.

If I tell a lawyer or the police and tomorrow I get killed on an unrelated accident, I will be burdening this innocent woman I love for the rest of her life.

Having said that, I still think it was a very creepy thing, habit, behavior, whatever. I was just creeped out and said nothing.

But now I am more curious than I am creeped and I will be asking her what is going on. I will update all you kind strangers.

And I thank the ones who gave me non-violent possibilities as well, made me think that maybe she is just embarrassed over something silly and I should just ask her.

It got weirder. I looked through her browser history (not snooping, but details won't matter) and she is shopping for wedding dresses? She was also shopping for something I wanted for ages, so I guess that is cute. That she wants to get me something nice before whatever it is that's going on. Meeting a buddy for lunch, he knows her, so I will run this by him.