Man ditches girlfriend at wedding, 'she TOLD THE BRIDE I used to have a crush on her.' AITA?
"AITA for leaving my girlfriend at a wedding after she told the bride I used to have a crush on her?"
I (27M) was invited to a friend’s wedding last weekend, not someone I talk to every day, but we were close back in college and stayed in touch. The bride and I had a flirty friendship back in the day.
Nothing ever happened but I did used to have a bit of a crush on her. Early in my relationship with my girlfriend (26F), I mentioned that in passing, just one of those “haha yeah, college was messy” conversations.
The wedding itself was great. My girlfriend and I got dressed up, had a couple drinks, danced a little. At some point I noticed her and the bride talking by the bar. They were smiling, laughing...nothing seemed off. Up until the bride started acting really weird around me. Like distant, uncomfortable.
Later, one of the bridesmaids (who I also know) pulls me aside and goes, “Hey, just so you know, your girlfriend told the bride you used to be in love with her, and that she should ‘watch herself tonight.’”
I honestly didn’t know what to say. I confronted my girlfriend about it, and she didn’t deny it. She said, “I didn’t want to cause drama, but I thought she deserved to know the history.” I told her there was no history, and even if there had been, saying something like that at someone else’s wedding was completely out of line.
She got SUPER defensive. Said I was blowing it out of proportion and caring more about the bride’s feelings than hers. I told her I was embarrassed, hurt, and honestly kind of shocked by how casually she’d tried to stir the pot at someone else’s wedding. She ended up dismissing everything I said, told me to get over it and stop making a scene.
So I said f it and left. I got in the car and drove home without her. I figured she’d find a way back with one of her friends (she knew several people there). She eventually did, but now she’s saying I “abandoned” her...
And a couple of her friends are messaging me saying I humiliated her and I'm an awful person for just leaving without her. I don’t feel like I was wrong to walk away but I was just super upset and I'm starting to think the way I handled it was a bit over the top. AITA?
Here's what people had to say about this one:
Reasonable_Low_4120 said:
NTA. Completely inappropriate. You had a crush you weren't "in love." Your girlfriend completely blew it out of proportion and made the situation uncomfortable for both you, the bride, and her husband. Your girlfriend is an ahole.
CandylandCanada said:
NTA. I'll bet $5000 that any one of the friends who criticized you would have lost their minds had this happened at their own wedding.
HollisWhitten said:
NTA. She stirred up drama at someone else’s wedding over a dead college crush, then played the victim when you called it out. That’s not love, that’s insecurity with a side of immaturity. I don't think you abandoned her, you just removed yourself from a mess she made.
Silent-Night4394 said:
NTA. You shared something vulnerable in trust, and she weaponized it to create unnecessary drama at someone else’s wedding that’s incredibly disrespectful to everyone involved. Walking away to avoid a scene was mature. You didn’t abandon her, you set a boundary after being humiliated. Her reaction says a lot.
Initial-Expression91 said:
No, you're not the ahole. What she did was way out of line. Telling the bride something like that at her own wedding was completely inappropriate. That wasn’t about honesty or protecting anyone.
It was about causing drama and making the moment about herself. You didn’t create a scene. You tried to talk to her calmly, and she brushed it off like your feelings didn’t matter. You were embarrassed, and you had every right to be.
Leaving might have been a strong move, but honestly, it made sense. You were blindsided and uncomfortable. You don’t owe anyone a ride home after something like that, especially when they’ve disrespected you and caused tension at someone else's wedding. The people messaging you probably don’t know the full story. You stood up for yourself, and there’s nothing wrong with that.
hardlyevatoodrunktof said:
NTA and my dear, you're not the one who humiliated anybody. That was her deed of the day - twice: doing it to you and herself.
Ok-One-9817 said:
NTA… your girlfriend is a drama queen. Just me personally I would end the relationship. It would be hard for me to share any personal feelings with her that you didn’t want the world to know.
SockMaster9273 said:
NTA. That was a really crappy thing to do at someone's wedding. Also a really crappy thing to do to your BF. When things calm down on your end, I would talk with your GF to figure out why she said that and if she saw anything wrong with it. Figure out if you still want a relationship with her.
Though I know you did nothing wrong, I would consider apologizing to the bride for your GF actions. Consider Clarifying that you had a crush but you were not in love with her. Wish her luck in her new life.