'AITA for telling my extended family that I'm paying for them to go on vacation?'
"AITA for telling my extended family that I'm paying for them to go on vacation?"
For context my wife (28 female) and I (29 male) started a successful skin care company and have each made plenty of money to support our families. We have a four year old daughter and a 9 month old son and have agreed to have no more children.
To the story. In December of 2023, my siblings got together with my wife’s family and planned a family vacation due to take place in the summer of 2024 (this summer) in Dubai.
They did this behind our backs and even in our own home! We recently celebrated my daughters birthday and my wife overheard my sister talking with my mother in law about a vacation that my wife and I would not be attending due to the fact that “we already seem busy enough.”
When I learned of this, I invited our entire extended family to my home for lunch, and casually brought up the topic. The room went dead silent which led me to believe that everyone was aware.
My mother in law broke the silence by admitting that the family planned to go on this vacation. I was livid, but did my best to hide my anger. Seeing that about 15 people (including my wife, kids and I) would be in attendance (even though I knew they didn’t actually want us to go) I asked them how plane tickets and such would be split.
The room returned to silence again. My sister broke the silence and told me that she thought my wife and I would pay. Even though I’m black, I blushed. My wife and I are well off but we choose to be as modest as possible, so my sister referencing anything to do with my money hurts.
Without saying a word, I exited the room and my wife followed swiftly behind me. After about 5 minutes my family left without eating any of the food my wife and I prepared, which was icing on the cake.
I created a group chat on instagram and cussed out my entire family before blocking them on every social app, and messaging network. I even blocked my sister in law on Pinterest for Gods sake. I never get as mad as I got on that day, and I’m writing this now because I feel terrible. Am I the a-hole?
Let's see what readers thought:
sweetestbi6 writes:
NTA. YOU and YOUR WIFE started a company and got rich - your family did not. They’re trying to live in your wallet without your permission and do so without even wanting to include you.
To top it off, they pick Dubai - one of the most expensive places to be. It’s just all incredibly selfish and presumptuous, which they knew but didn’t care about enough to stop sneaking around. I’d go no contact too.
Alarming-Lie-8239 OP responded:
I don’t plan on being the first one to contact them! They know where I am and I’ll be waiting for my apology! This isn’t even the first time something like this has happened.
You don’t owe anyone an apology. They knew they were doing something wrong, it’s why they tried to hide it from you. I’d be petty and go on a vacation to Dubai or somewhere similar, post lots of pictures and make sure they find out about it. They need to be humbled and learn basic respect and appreciation.
Alarming-Lie-8239 OP responded:
I like that idea a lot
NTA. Your families went behind your back to plan a vacation that they never mentioned to you, yet expected you to pay for? No.
They're absolutely nuts to think this is acceptable; it would be one thing for you to plan a vacation and invite them to join you but for them to somehow think they can freely spend your money? Blocking them is the right answer.
Alarming-Lie-8239 OP responded;
We haven’t talked in a while and I have never been more at peace!
NTA The entitlement of these people! They all plan a vacation without you and your wife and expect you to pay for it. Wow just wow.
Alarming-Lie-8239 OP responded:
I appreciate your response. I haven’t spoken to them since the situation occurred and don’t plan on being the first one to reach out.
Wait they were all going on a big vacation without you and expected you to pay for it? What? That just bizarre. NTA. Sorry but they aren’t really family if they are treating you and your wife so poorly. I’m sorry.
Alarming-Lie-8239 OP responded
They automatically assumed that I had the costs covered, and that I didn’t want to go. Crazy!
NTA? It's natural to feel terrible after doing such a major thing, but it was well deserved. They LITERALLY tried to take a vacation without you knowing and expecting you to pay for it because you had the cash? Hey, do you know what that sounds like? Like gaslighting people into getting scammed.
Alarming-Lie-8239 OP responded:
This is Exactly how I felt in that very moment. Never been more angry. After reading some of these replies I don’t feel bad anymore.
felan7 writes:
I’m sorry, but this doesn’t make sense. It sounds to me like they were telling you you’d need to pay just for your own family, not everybody. I mean, they were keeping this trip a secret from you, how the hell were they going to get you to pay for it? It’d make a lot more sense to expect that if they had actually invited you.
And how were they going to explain why they all disappeared for a week? Were they all really not going to post any of it on social media? Way too many plot holes in this one. I’m calling BS. YTA for making stuff up and pretending it’s true.
agh67 writes:
NTA They are absurdly entitled to think they can take your wallet on an expensive “family” vacation for 15 and leave you and YOUR family at home with the bills.
I’d be irate too. Your siblings and in-laws sound toxic and disrespected you in your own home. You deserve a vacation from them and did the right thing to block them.