Man feeds wife secret ingredients to improve their erotic relationship. AITA? STRANGE UPDATE.
When this man tricks his wife for the sake of his libido, he asks Reddit:
"I tricked my wife into a different lifestyle so I could have a better life in the bedroom with her. AITA?"
My wife and I used to have sex frequently, but over time her libido just died. Coincidentally, it happened as she gained some weight. I didn’t really care about the weight gain, she still looked cute while a bit chubby.
That being said, I wanted to fuck more. I’d heard that libido is partially tied to one’s physical and mental health.
I figured I’d kill a few birds with one stone, by helping her lose weight and gain confidence, and hopefully get laid more over it. Small things.
Anytime she asked me to bring her a soda or something, I’d grab a diet version and pour it into a cup for her instead of handing her the can. Buying less garbage foods to snack on, suggesting we take dates at places where lots of walking is required. Slowly, these things managed to add up and she dropped notable weight.
From there I complimented her more and more (which I always did anyway, just more than usual), and it seemed to inspire her to lose weight on her own merit. Eventually I started to see not just her libido returning, but her drive to go back to college and whatnot (which I’ve been encouraging).
Sure, I may be an asshole for tricking her for such a reason, but whatever. I’m just glad things are not just back to normal but even better than prior. I ultimately did the right thing. Her physical and mental health hasn’t been this good in ages. And yes, I got what I initially craved. AITA?
Let's see what readers thought. They were torn about OP's actions:
techpich writes:
At first from the title I was like "Oh god no he's an ass" but after reading the post, you changed my mind.
You genuinely care about your wife, and you proved that by stating you were attracted to her even after her weight gain (this means a lot to women that others find us attractive when we don't feel it).
You helped her better her physical and mental health, not by degrading her or attacking her, but by lifting her spirits and doing the work with her to help motivate her.
I just want you to know that while what you did does have some selfishness in it, you took the best route possible in addressing the lack of sex in the relationship and you should be proud of your wife and yourself. I hope the best for you two!
wickedbelladonna writes:
NTA. Being more attentive by planning ways to spend time together and complimenting her more is what is getting you more sex. The way you are treating her is making her feel good and you have reinvigorated your relationship.
For women, how we feel emotionally definitely plays into our Sex drive and how we perform. Sex or no, always tell your wife how beautiful she is. She will always appreciate it and it will always make her feel good.
notjudgingyou writes:
You’re the asshole. It’s the deliberate scheming and deception. It’s coming from a place of selfishness instead of goodness. Yeah, bettering her health is awesome - but that wasn’t your intention, it was the byproduct.
phisquip writes:
YTA. It’s repulsive how many people are applauding the OP’s self-serving motives here. If his first priority would have been his wife’s health it would have been applause worthy but no, it’s just some dude trying to get laid. Some deceptive, manipulative, calculating, horny dude wanting to get a nut.
adorablecanan writes:
You’re fronting and don’t even have the sense to realize it. To your wife it looks like you suddenly put more effort and thought into spending time together on top of complimenting her more.
But (we all know) it won’t last because you’re not actually that thoughtful towards her. If you were, you wouldn’t have tried manipulating her for your benefit and would have just talked to your wife. Really hope she finds out the truth when she’s on top of the world, and most likely to destroy you.
Did you ever consider the possibility that she figured it out immediately and manipulated YOU into losing weight too and being more thoughtful? Who doesn’t notice the difference between regular and diet soda???
She deserves honesty and communication from her husband of all people. The fact you’re proud of you tricking your wife- Disgustingly disgraceful.
badluckredditor writes:
It's called building up your wife. Make her enjoy the feeling of being desired, and she'll do what she can to become desirable for you. It's an important part of a healthy relationship.
Spank her whenever you walk by. When you kiss her, push her up against a wall and really kiss her. Find something on her to compliment a couple times a day. Pinch her. in sexual ways Make her feel cared for, and like she is the object of your powerful sexual desire.
Buy her something small most times you are at the store. Buy her a dress, or some jewelry. Tell her you are looking forward to specific parts of sex.. "I'm looking forward to
later, I really like it when " and see if you can make her blush. Then spank her a little.
You should start lifting weights a couple times a week, and see where it takes you.
smallpraline writes:
I dont think she would have any right to be mad at you if she didnt already know and found this out. Women are notoriously deceptive. Besides that, I would think if you actually love your spouse you would try to take care of their sexual needs regardless of your libido status.
It baffles me that someone can view sex as optional in a relationship when the other person wants it.
I swear some women are so amazingly selfish and care nothing for their husbands needs that they cant give five or ten minutes in the bed to keep him happy. His needs are such a chore you poor thing. Meanwhile she still demands he take care of all her relationship needs.
Then OP provides this interesting update:
Some people, especially people in a bad mental space, can’t take any form of constructive criticism or advice without breaking down. She has a history of this, and despite the therapy, it admittedly still can be like this here and there.
A mere “Thank you for doing all those chores while I was at work! I’ll finish the dishes” can set her into a mood because she thinks I’m implying she wasn’t fast enough or good enough to do it herself.
Sometimes I just do things and keep them hidden as to avoid moments like that. I know that can be pretty shitty of me, but talking sometimes just makes her self-conscious and things become even more difficult.
Also, if she thinks you’re being confrontational by any means, she shuts down for almost a full day sometimes, even if you merely asked “How’d you do on your paper?”
She’s not perfect (nobody is), and my methods of helping her may be a bit unorthodox, but I’m gonna keep helping her regardless where I can.