Man from wealthy family admits he got married because his parents disowned him. AITA?
"AITA for saying my parents disowning me was the reason I married my wife?"
My wife Eileen (33F) and I (30M) have been happily married for several years. Eileen is a no-nonsense, wise person that I can trust with my life. I wouldn’t have thought to marry her if my parents hadn’t disowned me.
My parents have generational wealth but my father believed in working hard for your money. I wasn’t a good student and I got bad grades, skipped class, and got into trouble a few times. My parents sent me abroad for college because I would probably not pass the college entrance exam.
All I cared about then was hanging with my friends and having fun. I scraped through college but my father was furious that I did not graduate on time. He disowned me and I was cut off from family money.
I had known Eileen in college. She was very smart and dedicated. She wanted to become a doctor. She also had an obvious crush on me. I knew that I would run out of money and my life would be rough if I didn’t have someone to keep me in check.
So I asked out Eileen and in a couple of years we were married. I didn't see her often because of her long hours as an intern and then a resident and then a full doctor but I tried to be the best husband I could.
My parents recently contacted me again. My father had a heart attack and it scared him into reaching out. We had a family dinner. My parents commented on Eileen as my choice of partner.
She’s a doctor in a prestigious specialty which made her more attractive as a daughter in law. They commented that she was nothing like the “trashy” girls I used to date that they had to scare off and asked what made me change my type. I said that them disowning me was the reason I married Eileen.
That was the wrong thing to say. Everyone got quiet at dinner and they were clearly uncomfortable. I asked Eileen if she knew why and she said it might be because my disowning was a touchy subject. She also seems a little off so I’m not sure what I did. AITA?
Edit: I love my wife more than anyone. I will ask her why she’s off when she’s free.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
HoshiJones said:
So you announced to your wife and parents that you married her, not because you loved her, but because she could take care of you? Um, yeah, YTA.
Ecstatic-Product-69 said:
YTA. What you essentially said without saying it is… if I wasn’t broke or disowned I wouldn’t be with you, dear wife. So I totally would understand her degree of hurt.
pinekneedle said:
YTA if you married Eileen because your parents disowned you and you were desperate. If however, the truth is that your parents disowning you was a wake up call to make more responsible and adult choices in your life and that led you to Eileen because of her maturity, intelligence, good nature beauty etc then that would be different.
ConfusedPet said:
YTA and a big one at that. Way to go, genius! You just told your wife that you're using her and don't love her at all. Idiot.
Accurate_Put7416 said:
YTA So she hasn't called the lawyers yet? I hope you signed a prenup.
marchcrow said:
YTA. Because even if I take you at your word that it's not about the money, you effectively dated someone who had the qualities you needed but didn't take the time to develop yourself on your own. This is a common things guys do - date someone when they should have gone to therapy and worked on themselves.
It's odd that at no point in his description from someone "happily married" that you say that you love her. You just mention how she benefits you. I think that's ultimately what makes people so uncomfortable both with your response to your parents and to some in the comments.
Whether you intend it or not, your description - and your statement at that dinner - sounds fairly transactional.
Ducky_924 said:
You basically exposed yourself as a gold digger after your parents tried to apologize. Huh, I wonder what went wrong. YTA.