'AITA for locking my girlfriend out of the basement so I could eat in peace?'
"AITA for locking my girlfriend out of the basement so I could eat in peace?"
I am 39 and male. My girlfriend is 41. We have lived together for a bit over a year in my house. During the time that I have lived with my girlfriend, I've become very used to the fact that she really seems to de-stress by complaining.
Much of this complaining is about other people in her life, such as her mother and her former co-workers, but much of this complaining is about me and how I'm not meeting her expectations in one way or another.
I'm generally fine listening to her rant and will make all the appropriate motions to show that I'm listening, but a few months back, her complaining increased significantly in frequency. Again, I'm happy to listen to her, but one time that I do not want to listen to complaining is when I'm eating.
Breakfast time isn't an issue because she's still asleep when I eat it, and lunch time is fine because I work 6 days a week and am out for lunch, but I would really love nothing more than to just have a quiet dinner.
It's especially irritating because she gets upset when I don't answer her fast enough, even when I'm chewing. She'll start saying "Hello? Hello? Hello? Are you even listening?" as I try to swallow the food quickly and answer her.
I expressed this to her a few months back. I put it as nicely as possible, with the excuse that I don't do well with talking during meal time. If anything it has had the opposite effect.
I'm convinced that she's actually timing her complaints to begin when I start eating dinner now. While I'm making my dinner she'll be quiet, and when I sit down waiting for it to cool she'll be quiet. But once the fork reaches my mouth, she'll immediately start complaining.
Last Saturday, I told her that I couldn't deal with her complaining during dinner time anymore, and that if she did it again I would start eating elsewhere. She responded "Yeah OK fine." Then she sat down at the table and stared at me.
When I took my first bite, she said, "Oh by the way, today you kicked one of my shoes when you were putting yours on. It made me feel like you only care about your own things and not mine." I stood up and went down to the basement to eat, locking the door behind me.
I've taken to doing this for every day since, and she'll bang on the door at times. At other times she has demanded I give her a key, as I have the only copy. Today she was literally crying and begging me to eat dinner at the table, but I said no. Now she's threatening to take the door off its hinges while I'm at work (so I know I have to lock it from the outside before going tomorrow). Am I in the wrong here?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Lucky-Guess8786 said:
Why are you with someone this miserable? I cannot imagine listing to someone complain every mealtime. All day, every day. Are you really going to do this for the next 20 years or more? Yikes! NTA.
NotARusski said:
You locked her out of the basement. That’s a good first step. Now do the same with the rest of your house.
RandomReddit9791 said:
She sounds freaking insufferable. She complains all the time, purposely antagonizes you, then plays victim. She seems very self centered and if she's that unhappy with you that she constantly complains about you, she should move out.
Rodharet50399 said:
If you’re locking yourself in the basement to eat because you kicked one of her shoes you’re living with a domestic terrorist. NTA.
Itchy_Lingonberry_11 said:
Bro, you need to rid yourself of this menace. NTA.
Frozefoots said:
Why are you putting up with this? Is being alone and using your hand really so much worse than having this misery guts of a girlfriend who can’t stop thinking about herself long enough for you to have dinner? YTA to yourself.