Man makes video game sound effect 'as a joke' while wife gives birth, 'she didn't look at me.' AITA?
"AITA for making the Age of Empires 2 'new villager' sound when my wife gave birth to our first child?"
Just over a week ago, my wife gave birth to our first child. I got called about it during work and rushed to the hospital to be with her during the labor. It was obviously a very stressful time, as it took more than 15 hours from start to the end, but finally our little one was born and was healthy.
I was in the room for nearly the entire time (other than briefly heading out for food, toilet etc), holding her hand and being the 'punching bag' as she swore during certain times during the worst of it. As it was getting towards the end, just as the head was coming out (and it all happened very quickly from then), more medical staff came into the room and I am someone who gets nervous around lots of people.
I think because of that nervousness, I was talking a bit more, introducing myself to the new people coming in, making jokes (saying I hope it's not a bad omen that the weather is so bad, because a thunderstorm had started outside that we could hear).
And then when our baby finally came out fully, at that second, I made the Age Of Empires 2 'new villager' sound ("Shhhh hoooh") as a joke, but I think only my wife understood the reference (as the doctor and nurses gave no reaction) and the look she gave me could have sunk a thousand ships. She looked so so angry, before then seeing our little one and finally smiling (but didn't look at me for about half an hour, and even then she was really annoyed for the rest of the day).
Anyway, I thought it was a joke that went down badly in a moment of high anxiety, but my wife has twice in the past week told me that I ruined a moment that she hoped would be one of the best in her life. I've apologized both times, but she has this look I've not seen before, something beyond disappointment. It's really put a downer on the past nine days of what I thought would be our happiest time together, after what was obviously a very stressful time (for her mostly, of course). AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Prize_Diamond_7874 said:
Wow your whole post is just all about you and I am going to guess you are the main character in every story. Apparently your wife loves you enough to have a child with you but maybe it’s time to grow up and become a little more self aware- this was not the time to try to grab the spotlight. YTA.
anbaric26 said:
YTA. Listen — as someone who gave birth recently, I 100% understand that she was NOT in the mood for your jokes after she just went through the hardest experience of her life while you just stood there and made awkward conversation with the hospital staff apparently. Perhaps some of this comes from her not feeling like you really did your job as her support person. Like you weren’t taking the birth seriously or appreciating what she was going through. I would have been pretty upset if my husband had been cracking jokes and chatting instead of being laser focused on helping me and taking it very seriously.
Maybe you felt like you were taking it seriously, maybe the jokes and chit-chat were a result of how overwhelming the emotions were. But unfortunately that’s not how that behavior comes across. That’s not what is portrayed to others. And at the end of the day, labor and birth is about the delivering person and the baby, not about you. It’s about their comfort, and making them feel supported and being what they need in that moment. It sounds like, sadly, you failed to do that for her.
And yes your wife is very disappointed as a result. Likely some trust or confidence in your ability to be there for her was broken. Birth is an extremely vulnerable moment for the birthing person, so mistakes in that moment have greater impact than they would otherwise.
The only advice I can give is try to double down on parenting duties and take it very seriously. Go out of your way to help her and don’t crack jokes until it seems like she’s in a place where she can joke again.
RatchedAngle said:
YTA. You need to know when to be serious. Don’t be the “Homer Simpson” dad that your wife has to put up with. Shape up and be a solid support system when your wife needs it. Excessive, inappropriate silliness is a sign of immaturity. You felt anxious so you did something stupid that hurt your wife while trying to soothe yourself.
“Humor as a coping mechanism” isn’t an excuse and it’s not cute. You’re a husband and a father now and you need to learn how to calm yourself down in a stressful situation without making a fool of yourself. Take charge and handle sh$t. Don’t make yourself the child in the situation while everyone else around you is being an adult. It’s shameful.
SkyComplex2625 said:
YTA - yeah. Not intentionally of course. But your wife was physically and emotionally drained and hoping for a beautiful poignant moment. Not the time to make a joke.
Remarkable-Intern-41 said:
YTA you did ruin the moment. This is one of the most (if not the most) significant moment of both your lives, the birth of your first child. You made it a joke. A moment that should have been about love, relief and joy is now forever seared into her mind as your bad joke. Plus, your excuses just make your sound worse. Your wife has spent 15 hours of exhausting, stressful and agonizing labor for this moment. You... were there too. If you can't bring yourself not to make a joke out of it, just keep your mouth shut.
If you just accept that you said something stupid in the moment and let your wife vent her justified frustration then in years to come this will be an excellent point of self depreciation to joke about when you need a 'what an idiot' example to empathize with someone. Learn to have some grace.
KarlyPie said:
YTA. You had her entire pregnancy to get it together and figure out how to be a supportive partner in the delivery room without making stupid jokes. You were nervous? Imagine how she felt.