Man 'pregames' wife's 'tiny' dinners with fast food. AITA?

Deciding on what to eat can be a tense topic for couples, but are secret stops for burgers and fries the perfect compromise?

So, when a hungry husband decided to consult the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the A@*^ole' about his wife's cooking, people everywhere were eager to hear the gossip.

"AITA for 'pregaming' my wife's dinners?"

My wife and I are both 32. Since we got married and moved in together five months ago, my wife has simply not made nearly enough food for me. This is not a kind of situation where I'm constantly agitated at her for incompetence or anything like that.

I would be more than happy to microwave a burrito. I would be more than happy to whip up a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

But I can't. My wife has, every single night of our marriage, done the same thing: she'll make me a tiny dinner. I'm talking like a Chinese chicken salad with 30 grams of chicken and ten leaves of lettuce arranged fashionably with dressing.

When I finish eating, I'm still hungry because for a 230 pound man who works a physical labor job, it's not enough food.

At first, I tried to openly communicate with her, but she always took it horribly. She would adopt a thousand-yard stare, and then begin talking about how incompetent she is and how she can't even make her husband a proper dinner.

I'd try to calm her down with 'Oh honey that's not the case! I just eat too much' or 'Don't worry about it. I can make a bit more.' I'd try to be overwhelmingly positive. It never helped. She would always just get incredibly disappointed in herself, cry, and/or take it out on me.

Then she would make the same exact amount the following day. After the communication route failed, I tried to eat her dinners as-is. It became hard to sleep at night due to hunger and I lost seven pounds in the first month.

Eventually I figured out my own system. On my way home from work, I started swinging by a fast food restaurant and getting myself a burger. I would basically pregame her meals with some more calories. I figured it was win-win, as what she doesn't know can't hurt her, and I could have my fill of food.

I would eat on my way home, walk in the door, pick at the salad or quinoa or homemade Mac and Cheese she made, compliment her for her delicious cooking, and later dispose of the wrappers discretely.

Two days ago I was on my way home and in line at a drive-through. My MIL was coming out of the restaurant. She ran over and greeted me. I asked her in a humorous way not to tell her daughter where she saw me because she'd take it badly, and she agreed, but then she narced on me anyway.

I got home to a furious wife who demanded details. When I provided the truth she got extremely angry and looked legitimately hurt. I'm not good at handling confrontation and feel like I betrayed my wife in some way. Was I wrong here?

Here's what the jury of internet strangers had to say about the awkward situation...

Cataclysmus78 said:

It’s a little concerning that she goes full passive-aggressive when you say something to her. It sounds like she has a REALLY hard time when her carefully crafted mental image of herself is even slightly challenged. NTA.

YouthNAsia63 said:

If you didn’t need to drop seven pounds in one month, (and wow, that’s a lot of weight pretty fast, I think the recommended weight loss is one pound a week), then NTA.

Your wife is willfully under feeding you. She is feeding you like a weight conscious, sedentary middle aged woman, not an active man. She needs to get over her defensive “thousand yard stare,' or the whining that “she can’t make her husband a proper dinner.'

And you need to stop reassuring her-because she isn’t making her husband a proper dinner. Is she this uncommunicative and unwilling to change, and you so placating in other situations?

And, OP, a steady diet of fast food isn’t good for you. You need to start preparing your own meals, wether your wife likes it, or not, or she needs to get TF over whatever this is. Because your solution, while clever for the short term, isn’t viable for the long term.

And I would be pretty unhappy with the MIL. She could have minded her own business and this dysfunctional little compromise dynamic could have proceeded indefinitely and without drama. Good luck, buddy.

youserneighmn said:

NTA. Honestly I find all the ‘what’s to stop you cooking’ etc. comments so off the mark; would you say that if a man was controlling a women’s diet and guilting her for stopping for fast food or making a sandwich?

Clearly OP and his wife have a set up where he does a physical job and she mostly cooks, nothing wrong with that. She’s controlling his food intake and refusing to adapt to his dietary needs, she applies avoidance tactics when reasonably confronted, she is likely not eating enough herself for dinner based on the description of a typical meal.

All signs point to an eating disorder. OP, get your wife some help please.

morgaine125 said:

NTA. You have tried communicating openly and directly with your wife, but she refuses to hear you. You found a harmless way to fix the issue when she refused to make any changes.

Amerysse said:

NTA. She put you on a diet without your consent and is now gaslighting you about it.

VinRow said:

NTA. Don’t ask an in-law not to narc on you. They will.

ludakpop said:

NTA. Communication is key and your wife should be more receptive. It is not unreasonable to need or want bigger food portions and in no way should that upset her. It's not like you're saying the food is grody. The dinner is proper, the portions just aren't adequate.

Front_Hat7541 said:

NTA. You tried to communicate on multiple occasions, you were left with no other options. Just ask for double what she would normally make, or leave out the ingredients that you think will provide you with a sufficient meal. Wish you all the best.

So, there you have it...

Everyone agreed unanimously here that this man wasn't wrong to sneak in a pre-dinner, especially after he attempted speaking with his wife about needing more food.

Of course, confiding in his mother-in-law probably wasn't going to work out well for him, but at least now the secret is out in the open? Isn't the popular marriage mantra: don't get to bed angry, don't go to bed hungry? Good luck, everyone.