"AITA for getting my fiancée a ring on a chain?"
I (29m) wanted to propose to my GF (28f). She's a nurse, so she can't wear rings at work. I wanted to give her something she could always keep with her. I am a graphic designer, so I designed a ring and chain I thought she would like.
The ring is in a style she's worn before and likes, with a diamond and opals, which are her favorite. The chain is relatively small, sturdy, and made of a stainless steel core with alternating gold and silver links over the top, so it's stronger.
The clasp for the chain is invisible, and the ring can be clipped on and off of the ring without having to take the chain off. I made it so that she could turn it and hide the clip so she could wear the chain separately from the ring.
I thought it was cool, and I proposed on Sunday at the park. There was no one else around to see it. She was initially excited when she saw it and immediately said yes. However, when she pulled it out and saw the chain attached, she accused me of trying to prank her and wouldn't hear a word in my defense.
She was yelling at me and crying, and I felt horrible. I tried to explain, but she shut me down and returned to her mother's place. Now she won't talk to me, and I don't know what to do. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
INFO: Could she also wear this as a ring outside of work? Would an average person think that this is an engagement or otherwise important ring?
Yes. The necklace and the ring could be worn separately.
"The clasp for the chain is invisible, and the ring can be clipped on and off of the ring without having to take the chain off."
INFO: I'm confused both about what you're saying here, and about why you gave her the ring with the necklace attached rather than just separately gifting the chain.
I thought it would be nice to see the whole thing together, instead of having the chain feel like an afterthought. I also wanted to see what she thought of the whole thing put together so I knew if there was anything to change.
Soo... NTA (yet) but your story is odd. You seem very caring, but why would she think you were pranking her? Do you have a history of pranking her? Did you miss something about how much she hates her job (?) Or how much she wanted to pick out her own ring? There seems to be a major piece of information missing, about why this would have upset her so.
I joke, but not prank. I don't get malicious, and I would never do something like this. My personality isn't the most serious either, but she's never said anything bad about that, and I have asked if it bothers her.
Her brother has a habit of nasty pranks. We haven't spoken to him in over a year though, so I didn't even think about it until now.
Her brother does has a history of nasty pranks though. So much so that he's apparently been fired twice from what I've heard. But I haven't seen him in over a year, and I can count on one hand the number of times I've seen him at all, so I didn't make the connection until reading some of the comments. I think I'm going to text her mother tomorrow if she isn't speaking to me.
Info: why did you choose opal? It’s an incredibly delicate stone.
I was actually not aware of that until now, since I've never done something like this before. The jeweller I worked with didn't say anything, so I'll have to look into maintenance on it now, but that's okay. They're her favourite stone. She has several bracelets and necklaces with it, as well as several of them just kicking around the house, so I thought she'd like it.
DoIwantToKnow6417 says:
You were very thoughtful. She didn't even want to listen to you. And you're not even married yet......NTA.
mizfit0416 says:
It sounds beautiful, I'll take it! NTA.
frizzyno says:
NTA. You were thinking of her in all places, work too, and went out of your way to make so she can wear it at work without getting scolded or fired.
The best thing to do would be trying to reach her and explain calmly everything or try to contact the mother privately and try to use her help to mediate, nothing comes to mind on why she behaved like that.