'AITA for refusing to 'babysit' my dad while my mom and sister are away?'
"AITA for refusing to 'babysit' my dad while my mom and sister are away?"
I’m 33. My sister (27) and Mom (68) are planning an extravagant vacation to London for a week. My 82-year-old Dad isn’t going with them. When 8 asked why, they said that he is not interested because he is very comfortable staying at home, and he doesn’t want to leave the dogs with a pet sitter.
My Mom privately requested that I visit my Dad once a day, spend time with him, etc. I have a very busy work schedule so I don’t see how this is really possible, and beyond that, I don’t really get why an adult man needs to be babysat.
I told her this and she said he isn’t all mentally there—I haven’t seen evidence of this, besides anecdotal evidence. I told her I wouldn’t babysit my Dad but I would call him and check in on the weekend.
She is furious at me, saying that she will be too worried about my Dad being okay to enjoy the vacation. I pointed out she could call him whenever she wanted but she just hung up on me basically. I feel a little bad but I also think the whole concept is kind of insulting to my Dad and a waste of my time. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
drivingthrowaway said:
YTA, Jesus Christ. It's one week. One hour a day. Spend some time with your father and make sure he's ok. Pitching a fit over doing the bare minimum here is ridiculous.
Immediate-Tax7921 said:
Unless there’s something you’re leaving out about your relationship with your father, it’s pretty fkd up that you can’t go visit him once a day to ensure he’s still alive (he’s 82 ffs) while your mom is out of town.
It’s not babysitting or insulting to his abilities, surely you understand that 82 is very elderly and the inevitable is getting closer each day. yta.
STRATORUSSKA said:
YTA - Your dad is 82 and doesn't want to leave his dogs with a pet sitter? He may be a little loopy, but you should be able to get your ass to his house for 30 minutes once a day.
SavingsRhubarb8746 said:
He's 82? A daily check-in while he's alone isn't much to do. YTA.
Mammoth_Natural_9348 said:
YTA 100%. They are not asking you to live with your dad forever it’s just checking up on him for one week, stop being so selfish.
Mindless-Yellow634 said:
Jesus why can’t you just put yourself out for a week to pop in and see your Dad? YTA
Has anyone talked with your dad himself about this? If he has enough mental faculties to not need to be babysat, why is he not included?
EDIT: I no longer think this is a situation where more information is needed. Given that OP has stated that their dad has fallen and let food burn multiple times. I'm switching my judgement. Your dad clearly needs supervision, and the way you're dismissing it is misguided at best and willfully ignorant at worst. YTA.
EDIT 2: To clarify, I don't think OP's mom is ablameless here—I think there needs to be a large discussion about care for OP's dad, one visit a day from OP probably isn't enough. That being said, I think the fact that OP's mom hasn't booked anything and is willing to cancel the trip if necessary edges her out of "forcing huge demands on OP with no warning or consideration" territory. Not in the right, but not TA either.
I told my mom he’s an adult and she should talk to him! But she insists he’s not objective and will just say he’s fine. I think he’s lived this long and can live by himself for a week