Man refuses to cancel three-week adventure with friends for brother's wedding. AITA?
"AITA for refusing to cancel a two-year planned trip to attend my brother’s last-minute wedding?"
I (36M) have been planning a big trip with my two best friends for over two years. The trip is set for January, and it’s a three-week adventure in another country, where we’ll be celebrating New Year’s together.
I’ve been looking forward to this trip for ages, and I talk about it often since it’s a huge deal to me. My friends and I all worked hard to get the time off, save up, and plan everything out, and honestly, this is a bucket-list kind of experience for us.
Now, the issue: my brother (32M) and his girlfriend, who have been dating for about a year and a half, recently announced that they’re getting married. They planned it all pretty fast and are having an intimate wedding with just close family and friends.
They sent out invitations only two months in advance for a wedding that’s in early January — right in the middle of my trip. To make things more complicated, my brother asked me to be his best man and give a speech.
I was genuinely happy for him and politely reminded him that I wouldn’t be able to attend because of this long-planned trip. He knows all about it since I’ve been talking about it a lot out of excitement. He kept insisting, though, saying he needs me there and that being his best man is more important than a “friends trip.”
I understand that a wedding is a big deal, and I do feel bad that I won’t be there, but the timing is really tough. Canceling this trip would let down my two best friends (who aren’t invited to the wedding, as they aren’t friends with my brother) and would mean losing a ton of money.
My family is split on this. Some think my brother should understand, while others think I’m being selfish for not adjusting my plans for his big day. AITA for sticking with my trip and not agreeing to be his best man?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Financial_Bear_5071 said:
NTA. When we booked our wedding, the first thing we did was check the date worked for the guests that were non-negotiable for us. You have a long-standing commitment to your friends, and to back out means not only would you lose money, but so would they.
Tell your brother you would love to be there for him, but he was aware of your prior commitments, and they are set. If he needs you there so badly, he has the choice to move his wedding, or he can just accept he screwed up.
FutureOdd2096 said:
NTA. don't get angry, but act befuddled and confused. "What are you talking about, you know I have a trip? How could I possibly be your best man?"
Cute-Profession9983 said:
NTA at all. He's known about this trip for 2 years and he's trying a power play. So unless he wants to rebook the trip at his expense AND find a way to pay you and your friends for the time you've already taken off, then you can talk. Until then, he can have his past minute wedding in May.
Eastern_Condition863 said:
NTA. You've had this trip planned longer than their relationship has been alive. Go on your trip. Brother can deal.
ConsistentCheesecake said:
NTA --when he planned his wedding, he should have taken your prior plans into account imo. That's what my husband and I did when planning our wedding. We made sure it wasn't overlapping with his brother's graduation which was happening at a similar time.
Ancient-Actuator7443 said:
NTA. If he needs you there he can plan his wedding for when you get back. It’s ridiculous that he thinks this cancel. I doubt you could get refunds for anything paid in advance anyway.
Logical_Dig2222 said:
NTA. Your brother is, though. He knew about your plans and just assumed he could blow them up. They could have scheduled any time, but they didn't. Enjoy your trip!