Man refuses to eat birthday cake from girlfriend until she apologizes, 'she's not a priority.' AITA?

"AITA for barely eating any of the cake my girlfriend made for my birthday and refusing to eat anything else she bakes until she apologizes?"

I've been with my current girlfriend for almost three years and we pretty much get along for most things except when it comes to my mother. My mother is mentally slow (I don't know what else to call since she grew up pretty rough was never formally diagnosed) and had me very young, her being physically and emotionally younger made her a fun mom just not very responsible.

In any case this is one of the main reasons my girlfriend feels uncomfortable around my mom because she says she has no manners and can be rude both of which can be true at times but my mom doesn't do things intentionally it's just how she was raised and it's hard to teach her new things.

The second reason is that I spend a lot of money for my mom to live in an expensive facility/community so she can be independent but still have some help. She thinks it's a waste of money especially since she wants to be able to buy a big house in the future and I refused to pay her medical insurance despite having the money (she's currently on a plan that she can't afford) which she brings up a lot in arguments.

She's not my wife so I don't want to commit to something like that yet since I'm not sure how that would work if she ever decided to end the relationship or if it increased to something I'd rather not pay. I won't lie I love my girlfriend but she's not my wife therefore not a priority, and I've tried proposing twice and been turned down each time.

Anyways, this year she decided to make me a cake for my birthday I was happy because she's a great baker and even better at decorating, so I asked for a chocolate sheet cake with canned frosting and rainbow sprinkles.

She said it was fine but kept suggesting I have something special and less cheap this year (my mom has made me this birthday cake every year since I was a child but of course this year she couldn't and I told her) but I told her I was sure that's what I wanted no presents and no people over.

When I woke up the morning of my birthday, she had me eat breakfast in the living room because the dining room and kitchen were a mess (I'm not sure if I believe that now) and got me up and out of the house after lunch telling me it still wasn't ready, and I couldn't see it because she also had a "really small surprise" as well.

I come back and hour later as she'd asked and when I open the door to pretty much everyone we know and even don't know well, except my mom (her parents are there) leap out and with those blow things. I tried to act happy but to be honest I didn't want anyone there at all, if it had just been our families maybe it would have been nice, but I was secretly annoyed.

Then when I saw the cake, it wasn't anything like what I asked for it was three round lemon creme cakes, the naked fancy kind with flowers and berries it looked incredible, and I could tell it must have taken ages but It's not what I wanted, and I'm pretty neutral about lemon desserts.

Everyone brought gifts and I tried to pretend that I liked them and I did but in the moment I just didn't feel like opening and reacting to gifts so I feel like my reactions were underwhelming. Then when it was time to cut the cake she gave me a big piece and I didn't even finish half of it I wasn't in the mood.

I just lied and said I was too full from eating all of her favorite foods (I'll admit that was a bit too blunt especially since there was company, and she was a little short with me the rest of the party).

Finally my mom comes just after everyone finished and according to my girlfriend, she accidentally told her the wrong time...She brought me a single cupcake just how I like it, as a gift because she couldn't make the cake this year I was happy and I couldn't hide it.

My girlfriend noticed and kind of gave my mom the stink eye which is fine as long as she wasn't being rude but then she took it a step further and just outright made a bad joke about how the cupcake was unique like my mom (she still likes dresses and two ponytails) and a few people even laughed.

Fast forward to later I'm eating my cupcake in bed hoping to end the day on a good note, I didn't complain at all outside of that one comment because I didn't want to seem too ungrateful but then says under her breath that of course I'd rather eat something that looks like it was made by toddler than actual quality.

That was the last straw for me we got into a heated argument, so I ended up sleeping on the couch on my own birthday. The next morning, I made it clear that I wasn't going to eat any of her desserts until she apologizes.

It's been three days she told everyone that I hated the party and now everyone is calling me ungrateful plus her family found out I don't pay her insurance, and right now things are on and off tense and not tense between us. Am I the ahole here?

EDIT:

Not an update just wanted to say that I read all the comments and now I'm strongly considering just biting the bullet an saying I don't care especially since she only knows of both because I told her not due to actual evidence it's just not something I wanted to be outed for (metaphorically and literally)...

But in any case I guess the statute of limitations in my state would have already passed for me funnily right when we started dating so at least if things go south I can finally get the plastic surgery I've always wanted and a new name...

Trying to make myself feel angry and not funny though, but it's hard because she always makes me feel sad and then happy again after but I'm going to tell her we aren't twin flames or anything close anymore and probably update when I feel better if things get intense.

Fortunately, my mom is happy as always and we talk every day for those wondering, she's so nice she doesn't always notice when people are being mean so I won't and would never tell her how my (ex?) girlfriend truly felt about her if she asks why things are going wrong.

Second another thing that I just wanted to add is that my mom fortunately was not a victim the comments thinking that made me irrationally sad for some reason, my father was the same age I don't know if he had a disability but he was pretty strange in a good way didn't talk much...

But he liked drawing the same types of birds and flowers and they got along well and she was loved. I just didn't mention him because well he's dead...Anyway sorry I have a tendency to get long winded and over explain but I'm going to sleep now.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Tipsy-boo said:

NTA. Soooo what are the positives about this partner who doesn’t listen to you, is ableist about your mother with additional needs, is openly disrespectful to your mother in public, expects you to financially support you...but doesn’t wish to marry you?

bowie_ya_boi said:

You're definitely not the ahole. To put it simply, although there is so much to this story that she is in the wrong for, you had a simple request for your birthday that she easily could have granted, and instead of following it, she decided to do the exact opposite, which is extremely rude and disrespectful...

And on top of that she's purposefully being mean to you and your mother, and making you seem like an ahole to your friends. She sounds like a terrible partner, I would break up with her.

VelvetBlossomCharm said:

NTA. Honestly, your girlfriend made the situation way more dramatic than it needed to be. You told her exactly what you wanted for your birthday, and instead of respecting that, she went ahead and did something totally different without considering how it would make you feel.

The cake wasn’t what you wanted, and I can understand why you weren’t thrilled. But then she acted out in a really rude way about the cupcake your mom brought, and made a joke at your mom’s expense.

That’s just uncalled for. She definitely owes you an apology for that, and you’re totally justified in standing your ground. She should’ve respected your wishes and been more considerate instead of acting like that.

Rand0m_Th0ughts_ said:

NTA. I hate when people make other people’s birthdays about themselves. Your birthday should be celebrated the way you want. I find it irritating that she decides you should have a party and throws you one , even though you specifically said you didn’t want one, and then makes you feel like a jerk for not loving the way she decided you needed to spend your birthday.

And telling your mom the wrong time? That was intentional and just plain disrespectful. Is this really who you want to spend your time with? Someone who is clearly dismissive of your wishes and who treats your mother so poorly?

Violkae said:

My bf loves baking. Every year, he asks me what do I want and bakes exactly this thing for me. No questions, no complaints, no trying to convince me my idea is sh%^. Ask yourself. What would she do if the situation was reversed?

How pissed do you think she would be at you for disregarding her wishes? NTA and your gf doesn't care about you, she showed you who you are to her by turning your proposals down. Please have some self respect and break up, you deserve better.

Mom2rats47 said:

NTA. You need to stop and reflect. You have proposed twice. She has declined twice. She wants you to pay her insurance for a plan she can’t afford- there are other plan options! For less money! Your girlfriend didn’t listen to your wants for your birthday.

Was this birthday a big one? 25th? 30th? She was trying to surprise you and do something special. Unfortunately it’s not what you wanted. Her comment about the cupcake from your mom was unnecessary. Does she view your relationship with your mom as unhealthy?

Having you at age 13 is very young! She was still a child herself. As for your mother, if she is mentally disabled have you tried to get her financial help to ease your payments of the facility you have her in?