Man refuses to give his retired dad $20,000 'he gave me years ago.' AITA?

"AITA for not giving my dad money he says he gave me years ago?"

A few weeks ago, my dad (62M) asked me (32M) for $20,000 to help fund a gas station business he wanted to start. I said no, respectfully, because over the years he’s started 30–40 business ventures—none of which have succeeded.

He rarely takes advice, changes his mind constantly, and gets defensive when challenged. I’ve supported where I could emotionally, but I’ve seen this cycle repeat itself too many times.

After I declined, he sent me a message saying how shocked and disappointed he was, saying he was waiting for me to “wake up” and help him. Then, a few days later, I got another message—this time in Arabic—completely changing the story.

He now claims that back in 2015, he deposited $30,000 under my name, and that this money came from his government retirement package. According to him, it was meant to be shared between me and my siblings to help with living expenses and education while we were abroad.

I did use that money during my time studying to pay for exams, licensing, rent, etc.—which is exactly what he told us the money was there for. He never said it was a loan or that I’d need to repay it.

Now, almost a decade later, he says I owe him the rest of the money and that he needs it—not for the gas station anymore, but to support my siblings’ education. The reasoning has completely changed.

What’s worse is he knows that I’ve been carefully investing my savings for my own retirement, and he’s essentially asking me to sell off long-term investments to fund his latest business idea. He retired in 2023 at age 60 and has since refused to return to work to help support the family.

What’s frustrating is the story keeps changing depending on what might convince me: first it was a business, now it’s for the family. It feels manipulative. I’ve worked hard, earned my degree, and tried to support my family where I can. But this shift—framing past help as a “debt” and guilting me—feels really unfair.

I’m also honestly worried that if I “repay” this supposed debt now, it won’t stop here—what’s next? Is he going to come back asking me to reimburse him for diapers he bought when I was a baby, or the bus passes from when I was in high school?

I want to set boundaries, but now I’m torn. Would giving him the money just enable this cycle? AITA for saying no?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Signal_Wall_8445 said:

NTA. Tell him you will contact your siblings about their school bills, and you will work with them to pay those directly. He will get pissed, then you have confirmation that the change in stories about what the money is needed for is a lie.

Rtarara said:

NTA: He's grasping at straws to wring money out of you. If you didn't discuss payment, it was the usual parental support for education.

JazzlikeHarpsichord said:

NTA. Did you sign a written agreement stating that it was a loan? Was it ever said anywhere in any old message that it was to be returned? If not then tell your dad to f off lol. If I were you and this is a repetitive cycle, I would cut ties with him already.

sockiemeister said:

NTA If he gave you (not loaned) money a decade ago with conditions on how it was to be used, and you used it according to the conditions, there's no reason for you to be held accountable for this and you're definitely NTA...

For refusing to participate in funding a business that you believe has a low likelihood of success given past track record. Whilst this might be something that causes a rift between you both, extorting your child isn't exactly good parenting...

Sensitive_Ad2681 said:

NTA...Do NOT pay him. You did not agree to any sort of debt with him. He has no leg to stand on. Stick to your no and go on with your life. He'll leave you alone about it eventually.

JuniorCommercial1202 said:

NTA: whether the $30,000 is real or not, you didn’t ask for the money, it was a gift. And a really bad gift if he didn’t explain it to you lol. If I give my friend $30, I don’t $20 in return later.

Kip_Schtum said:

NTA. Never, ever let him know if you have savings or how much and this includes pretty much telling nobody since people talk.