Man refuses to host annual Christmas party after last year's mess, 'I spent 5 days cleaning.' AITA?
"AITA For Refusing To Host An Annual Christmas Get-Together Because Of Them Leaving My House A Mess?"
I (38m) and my wife (39f) host a Christmas get together annually where both sides of our family come over (parents, nieces, nephews, etc). It is usually hosted out our place since we have a much bigger house than most of our family.
Last year, we hosted, like usual, and after they left, it was terrible. I usually expect a mess since all of us total to about 20-30 people, but that time it was atrocious. And I'm talking cookies on carpets, pizza slices under chairs, sticky soda on my floor, and all that.
I spent almost 5 days cleaning all their stuff up. And for everyone information, this is like the first time it's ever been like this, so I think they're getting a bit too comfortable in our house.
I knew it was my wife's family who made most of the mess because on my side, about 5-7 can make it every year, because most of my family lives outside the country. So my wife's family makes up the other 15-23 people. Also, my wife's side has a lot of kids, mostly under the age of 10.
So when my wife began to talk about it, I told her that it wasn't going to happen. She asked why, and I told her that if the get-together was going to happen, it wasn't going to be at our house.
My wife tried to reason with me but I told her it wasn't going to happen. Apparently, she had already sent out invites (I personally think this is where I messed up, because I should have told her way before) and now she has to be the bearer of bad news. So reddit, AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say:
Alert-Cranberry-5972 said:
NTA. She shouldn't have sent out invites prior to talking to you. Even the obligatory "it's time to send out invites for Christmas... let's talk details." Then you could have raised the discussion.
My parents hosted Christmas for decades and approximately 50-60 people, mostly family, but friends as well came by for buffet style meals. Their house was never a mess because everyone cleaned up after themselves as they go, including kids. The adults would jump in and clean, dry, put up dishes, sweep the floor, put away food, etc.
OP, if you do get stuck hosting, insist people clean up after themselves and/or parents make their kids eat at the table. It's just disrespectful to run around with food and drinks.
DeadBear65 said:
Just tell EVERYONE that they must help with clean up before departing.
BigStickyLoads said:
YTA, kinda. I agree with you about not hosting. Hell, I would've told people to their face, during the party, to police their kids, and if they didn't I'd send them on their way.
However, it sounds like you waited a long time to communicate with your wife. Given that she had already sent invites out, I would have backtracked on saying 'no' to hosting, and instead worked with her to ensure the party went over in an amenable manner.
This would ensure she doesn't get stuck in a tight spot, and that you're partners who are compromising and working together, and ultimately in the trenches together. I bet she'd support you, because nobody likes a post-party disaster.
Finally, if you hosted again and it was just as bad as last time, well, clean up is doable - and then you can turn around and reasonably say "This was my fear, I'm unhappy with the result, I do not want to do this again."
ranchojasper said:
It is way, way, waaaaay too late in the year to suddenly say you're not going to host. If you've been doing this for years and it's expected now, you can't say on December 7th that you're not going to do it.
You gotta announce that by Thanksgiving for sure (or middle to end of Nov). So soft YTA. You should've had this discussion with your wife sometime in the last eleven months so the 30 people involved could have the time to plan something else.
FeministAsHeck said:
YTA. You didn't communicate your feelings right after the event, but waited an ENTIRE YEAR instead.
You stated it was the first time this has ever happened, so recognize that people make mistakes and sometimes slip up - let everyone know what happened last year and reiterate that although you love to host family get-togethers, you felt disrespected and would like more care shown to your home.
PossibilityOk3338 said:
Pizza under chairs, cookies in carpets..? Sounds like people aren't making sure their kids eat in the kitchen or at a table. Hosting doesn't mean people should destroy and disrespect your home. People should be a bit more gracious about how they treat your home since you are kind enough to host.
I would have told my husband right after that no way in hell we would do it again. It would have been better to let your wife know earlier. Make sure she lets them know that last time it was a major mess and if it happens again, you will never host again. It's amazing to me how damn rude people can be in other people's homes.