Man refuses to let daughter have fun unless her half-sister is around, angering wife.
Having a non-traditional home is pretty common to have these days. Parents separate, people have children with others, and families aren't the traditional cookie-cutter mom, dad, and 2.5 kids. While it's more typical to be divorced, re-married, or a single parent, it's important not to pause your life because of it.
On a popular Reddit thread in the Am I the A**hole Subreddit, one man refuses to let his family have fun until his daughter from another marriage visits them.
His wife writes:
My husband has a daughter from a previous relationship, 'Maddie' (15F). Before I even met my husband, Maddie’s mother moved abroad. Maddie decided to go with her.
My husband and I have been married for ten years, and we have an 8-year-old daughter 'Abby.' Maddie visits us for the whole summer and two weeks in the winter. We go to her when Abby is on spring break.
We save big family trips for when Maddie is with us and do the same for any other once-in-a-lifetime events. However, my husband is consistently reluctant to do anything without Maddie. I tried to be patient, but we can’t do anything throughout the year until she gets there.
An example, we live near a water park. We have season passes and take Maddie throughout the summer. But my husband refuses to go until Maddie comes to stay with us.
And he doesn’t want Abby to go as it’s unfair. I’ve tried discussing this with him, but he won’t budge. Sometimes I win him over, but then he complains that Maddie isn’t there.
Abby loves Taylor Swift, who would be in the area for a limited time before Maddie would arrive. My mom somehow scored us tickets, and Abby was so excited. My husband said it wasn’t fair because Maddie also loves Taylor Swift, and she doesn’t get to go.
I said I’d take both girls to another concert during the summer, as there will be a few other artists that I know Maddie likes in the area. My husband said it wasn’t fair and tried to ban Abby from going. (Because I know it will be asked, it’s not possible for Maddie to fly out for the concert. She still has school and important exams that can’t be missed.)
I put my foot down and said that life isn’t always fair. Maddie lives in another country. She is going to miss out on things. It’s unfair to ask Abby to give up fun opportunities because Maddie can’t come.
I pointed out that Maddie gets to do fun things with her mom, and Abby isn’t there (which I think is entirely fair). My husband said that’s different because his ex isn’t Abby’s mom, but he’s Maddie’s dad.
Eventually, he could see I wouldn’t give up and said yes to the concert. My mom, Abby, and I attended, and we had a great time. It was Abby’s first concert and she loved it.
My husband says I bullied him into this and that if Maddie didn’t get to go, Abby shouldn’t. Maddie is disappointed she didn’t get to go but seems happy for her sister. AITA?
The Internet is here for Abby.
eebieteebie says:
NTA (Not the A**hole). The longer this behavior continues, Abby will start to feel like Maddie is more important to their dad. He's trying so hard to make sure Maddie doesn't miss out that he's making Abby miss out.
Maddie has her life with her mum and her dad, and what, Abby, is supposed to sit around and put parts of her life on hold? Missing out on experiences and chances to learn and grow in the meantime. Don't think so.
Your husband must reassess how he's handling things, or this could harm Abby's future relationship with him and her sister.
GreekAmericanDom says:
NTA. Just like Maddie does things with her mother, feel free to do things with Abby as her mother. Whether your husband chooses to join or not is up to him. Your life should not be paused because Maddie lives somewhere else the rest of the time.
CrystalQueen3000 says:
NTA. Your husband feels some guilt for not being as close to his daughter as he wants to be, but Abby shouldn’t have to live a restricted life to appease him
OP, your husband sounds like he's carrying a lot of guilt and projecting that onto you and Abby.