Man 'ruins' fiancée's wedding dreams, 'she is OBSESSED.' AITA?

"AITA for 'ruining my fiancées dreams?'"

I 24 M just proposed to my fiancée five weeks ago, 26 F. We have been together just about three years and it was a no doubter for me. She is OBSESSED with planning out our wedding.

She has all these plans for food, alcohol, dresses, venues, etc. She will send me links of these things while I am at work, talks about it all weekend, makes phone calls to different vendors, etc. This weekend she mentioned something about the venue she really likes being $8,000 to use for the day.

I just turned to her and laughed when she said $8,000. She laid out this whole plan in her head and said she wasn’t sure why I was laughing because the wedding will most likely cost $15,000-$20,000. We are in our 20’s living in our tiny apartment.

We do not have that amount of money saved away. I do my best to put a little money away when I can, but as we know this economy makes it tough. I immediately told her that I will not be taking out a $20,000 loan for our wedding. I tried to explain that we will have to cut some things out, but I still want to have a really nice day.

I said it shouldn’t matter how much it cost, as long as I get to get married to you. She told me that I am ruining her dream of getting married because she’s always envisioned it at a specific type of venue.

I told her flat out I am not going into that much debt for a single day. She is not happy with me and told me she’s “done planning." AITA for ruining my fiancées dreams?

Here's what people had to say about this one:

Leesza said:

NTA but you two need to talk about how to have an affordable wedding. If you can’t agree on that…

SockMaster9273 said:

NTA. If she wants that kind of wedding, she needs to start saving money now and she is going to have to wait. If she wants the wedding now, she needs a cheaper wedding. Taking a loan out for a wedding is not the smartest move and anyone with a functional brain cell would advise against it.

BulbasaurRanch said:

Obviously NTA. It’s stupid to go into debt for a wedding. You should be focusing on your future and establishing priorities on spending properly for that future. Tbh, sounds like she is more interested in a wedding than a marriage.

ERVetSurgeon said:

NTA. She ruined her own dreams by planning something she knew neither of you could afford.

CrowOwOlol said:

NTA, it’s financially irresponsible to spend that much on a wedding when you can’t even afford a house. If you can get friends and family to cash in and pay for it all, that could be an option, but it’s still crazy and I doubt anyone would do that.

If your fiancé really wants that specific wedding, you could get married in a court and have the wedding she planned later on in your lives when you have enough money. Taking out that much for a loan will screw you over for the rest of your lives, don't do it.

Own-Masterpiece-6 said:

She doesn't have a dream of getting married, she has a dream of having a wedding. They're not the same. NTA.

757Lemon said:

You're NTA. You're excited for the marriage. She's excited for the wedding. Those things are vastly different and y'all should have a serious conversation before deposits are put down.