Older sibling stomps on brother's dream after selling his grandma's house, asks AITA?

Inheriting a relative's belongings can change your life. Property, money, or heirlooms can hold such significant value in people's lives. It can also tear families apart like a Medieval torture device.

On a popular Reddit thread in the Am I the A%!hole Subreddit, a man inherits his grandmother's home and losses his brother over it.

He writes:

Last year, my (33M) and brother Ben's (31M) grandmother passed away, leaving behind a reasonably large house in a small coastal town. This house is the stuff of picture postcards — a lovely Victorian-era home with a sea view. It has been in our family for generations, and it holds immense sentimental value for all of us, particularly for my younger brother, Ben.

Since we were children, Ben has always been enchanted by that house. He'd spend hours exploring every nook and cranny, daydreaming about the life he'd lead there. As we grew older, his dream never wavered — he wanted to live in that house.

When our grandmother's will was read, she left the house to me. I lived in the city, happily settled with my family and career. On the other hand, Ben was still living paycheck to paycheck, constantly between jobs, and often borrowing money from our parents or me.

Seeing the state of the house after our grandmother's passing, it was clear it needed severe renovation. There were issues with the plumbing, the roof needed repairs, and the old wiring was a safety hazard.

All these renovations were necessary to make the house habitable and would cost significant money. Money that Ben didn't have, and I wasn't in a position to provide without jeopardizing my own family's financial stability.

Considering all this, I decided selling the house was the best option. The housing market was favorable, and we stood to make a considerable profit from the sale. I planned to split the money equally.

I wasn't in dire need of all the money as we lived somewhat comfortably, and this way, Ben would have a substantial amount to clear his debts and could rent or even buy a smaller place where he could start afresh.

Ben proposed I sell the house to him at considerably lower than the market value. I declined this offer as the amount he offered was significantly less and almost all of his savings, leaving very little left in terms of living costs and expenses.

I told him that it wasn't a good idea for him, nor was it beneficial to me and my family, whereas selling it for a much higher value on the open market and splitting the money with him meant we both walked away much more financially stable.

Ben was heartbroken and accused me of betraying and selling off his dream. I tried to explain my perspective that it was for his good, but he saw it as me being pragmatic at the cost of his feelings. He stopped talking to me, and the rest of our family took his side, saying I was selfish.

This whole situation has left me riddled with guilt. I never wanted to upset Ben, but I genuinely believed — and still believe — that selling the house was in our best interest, especially his.

Let's play the blame game.

naraic- says:

This is all on grandmother in my opinion. She picked one grandchild and left it to them rather than the grandchild who had a greater sentimental attachment to the house.

I suspect she did that because she figured OP was well off enough to pay for maintaining the house but as it wasn't talked about beforehand it's impossible to say.

OP shared the money from the sale with his siblings when he could have pocketed himself as the owner of the house. He is definitely NTA (Not the A$#hole) here.

Ok-Many4262 says:

NAH (No A%$holes Here). You made the pragmatic and generous decision; materially, Ben is better off for it. Still, emotionally, you broke his heart. Hence, his anger and distress at you are understandable and, to some extent, warranted from the POV that he will have no way of ever achieving that dream.

But I can’t judge you, the AH, for this, as you have the clarity/ financial literacy to understand that his dream was, in fact, a money pit that would cause him to go under faster and deeper than he already is. As you articulated- were you to have done anything else, and he wasn’t only viewing this through an emotional lens, he would see this too.

You would have done him a disservice- even giving him the home with no funds to make it structurally sound would have meant that he’d need to go into further debt (if he would have even been approved for the loans required, which sounds doubtful).

Then if he hadn’t been able to make those payments, he’d have lost the house anyway. So, giving him half the proceeds was the most beneficial option for him, but that won’t sink in for Ben for quite some time.

TheUncleG says:

YTA (You're the A%^hole). Don't try to justify it by saying 'It's for your own good.' Your brother's a grown man and he can make his own decisions. If you want more money for it, just say so.

Ben may thank you one day, or resent you for the rest of your life. Tis the burden of the older sibling.