Man shares bizarre engagement story; 'My fiancé doesn't want me to talk to her best friends at all before marriage.' UPDATED 2X

When this man is concerned about his fiance's behavior, he shares the following saga:

"My fiancée (gf) aged 32 doesn't want me (aged 28 M) to talk to her best friends at all before marriage."

We have been dating for the last 2.5 years, and those 2.5 years have been mostly public. Public in the sense that both my fiancée and I liked to post pictures or reels of ourselves from vacations or times together, and we were very clear that we were in a relationship on Instagram.

However, she doesn't have many real-life followers from her office or personal life on her Instagram. She has around 7 or 8 really good friends whom she meets regularly and one cousin.

We are both mature adults and decided to get married in the coming year, in November or December 2024, since we started dating. I thought it would be better to introduce her to my family, so I took her consent and decided to meet with my family at a good restaurant in the city.

My family got to know her, liked her, and decided to fix the date for our wedding. But my fiancée said it would be too early for her to get married this year, so we eventually decided to set the marriage date for February 2025 (6 months from now).

Usually, in my city, it's a requirement to book the marriage halls early enough to secure a proper hall. So I took her consent and discussed with my family and booked a hall for marriage. A few days later, she also went and booked a hall for her side of the party.

It is normal to have parties from both the bride and groom's sides in our culture. So far, I have made her meet my family and one female friend of mine who lives in a different town with her boyfriend, and both meetings were well-planned.

She also met maybe another friend of mine (accidentally) in the mall. I, however, have never met her friends in that manner; only once or twice did I meet some friends by accident as I was driving my fiancée somewhere, and 2-3 of her friends also hopped in, and we just spoke a few words as we traveled in the car. But her friends were aware that we were dating, of course.

Now a strange incident happened last week which left me really confused. It was a text from a friend of hers on Instagram. Before this, I had never spoken to this friend of hers except for once, a year back, when my fiancée wasn't talking to me as we had a fight, and so I texted this friend and asked her politely to talk to my fiancée once as she is a good friend.

She said okay, I will surely talk. I texted her friend only because I felt my fiancée was going through a lot and probably needed a friend to discuss things with as she had a huge financial loan and had even had a fight with me and her family for some reasons.

Shortly afterward, I got a call from my fiancée regarding me messaging her friend on Instagram, and she asked me very angrily to never talk to her again. I was surprised but complied as our relationship wasn't stable back then, and I gave her space to settle.

After a while that day, I got a message from her friend saying, "Hey, sorry I can't help you with this," and she blocked me on Instagram. I was okay and didn't react back. So this was last year's incident.

Now this same friend texted me suddenly last week as she was unable to reach my fiancée over call, and she was tense about what was going on. I politely replied saying, "Hey, she's alright, probably busy with office work; I will inform my fiancée that you are trying to reach her."

I called my fiancée and told her her friend called, to which she reacted, "Oh no, why does she have to text you? Please block her on Instagram." I found it very weird to block that friend and immature at the same time. I told her I wouldn't, so my fiancée said that if I wouldn't, then her friend would. Moments later, I saw I was again blocked on Instagram by her friend.

This time around, it made me a little angry, and I ended up texting her on her other Instagram handle and told her, "Hey, how are you doing? I didn't like what you just did; this is not a very respectable way to talk to someone." I also wrote, "If your husband has some self-respect, he should also not text my girlfriend when you guys are having issues."

She replied, saying, "Hey, my husband, me and her were in her life much before you came to her life." After which, I politely explained that I didn't mean to break their friendship and only wanted to make their bond better and just felt disrespected for being blocked twice when I wanted to just talk to them once or get to know them.

She didn't reply to this and informed my fiancée, and my girlfriend again came out angrily and was very upset with me as I referred to her friend's husband.

I felt that was the only logical way to express myself. I was serious about her and made her meet my family and friends. She had no family members (her parents passed away, and cousins live in other countries or far away now), but her friends would be the ones present at our wedding from her side.

So I expected her to take me a little more seriously and maybe not ask her friends to block me on Instagram. She often visits this female friend's house, and sometimes they have sleepovers and parties with this friend and her husband. I never got to properly go out or meet any of her friends in an official manner.

I expressed to her a couple of times that her friend brings her husband and baby along in group meetings sometimes, so maybe I could also go along and meet them once. But she is strictly against this, and this blocking incident recently is seriously bothering me. My fiancée says my ex-boyfriends bothered my friends earlier as well, and I don't want these things to happen again.

But this probably would have made sense until maybe a year back; now we are going to get married in 6 months, and even now she's hesitant and says she will introduce me to them only after marriage.

Also, when she gets married, these friends will probably have to help her make her side of the arrangements, as she has no one else. So I needed to talk to them as well for our upcoming wedding preparations.

I haven't spoken to my fiancée for the last 2 days because of this, and she is now saying she is unsure of the marriage after I expressed this desire to meet her friends, claiming that I will be controlling in nature in the future. I feel she will text me or call me back soon. Am I asking for the right thing by asking her to introduce me to her friends? What should I do?

TLDR: My fiancée doesn't want me to meet or interact with her friends (even on social media) but we have already dated for 2.5 years, and I made her meet my family 2 months back and also my friends. My girlfriend often visits her best friend's house and sometimes drinks and parties there, and her friend's husband is also around.

My fiancée also has sleepovers or parties with another couple of friends who are not yet married. I find it odd because she never lets me interact with her friends and even made a friend of hers block me last week because she texted me. I raised this concern with my fiancée and said I think I should get to know your friends at least once now that we have a wedding in 6 months.

But she is reluctant and says I can only meet them after our marriage. What do you think I should do next? Am I correct?

Top comment by: "Hmm, what do they know about her that she doesn’t want to take the chance that they might slip up and mention to you…"

Before we give you OP's updates, let's take a look at some top responses:

weetto writes:

Her being incredibly secretive is a huge issue and she needs to have a better explanation than her past BFs bothered her friends b/c you aren’t her ex yet she is holding you at arms length because of him or using him as an excuse. Neither are good reasons and she should trust her fiancé well enough to meet and talk to her friends on occasion.

fluuug writes:

She’s triangulating which is the biggest tool of manipulation . She’s told them one thing and you another and she doesn’t want either of you to fact check her. She’s hiding something big.

Update 1:

So a few days back, I (28M) posted about how my girlfriend (32F) asked one of her best friends to block me on Instagram.

It's not been long since the blocking incident, but today I was surprised to learn that my girlfriend's mother, who she always referred to as deceased, is not actually dead.

So a few weeks back, the girl (her best friend) who is already married with one kid just texted me to know the whereabouts of my girlfriend as she was not able to reach her. My girlfriend, upon knowing that, instantly asked me to block her and I refused, but she then made that best friend block me, and the rest of the story is already there in the previous post.

Since then, I was unable to trust her. My girlfriend has always told me that there is no one in her family apart from her friends. I tried to express my feelings to her on multiple occasions, but she would never listen. I had also met a few people who were mutual friends, and I felt like something was off regarding what she had told me about her past, but I just kept it to myself.

Yesterday, she came to my house after much texting and calling, and we both sat down to talk. I was confused and anxious about what to expect. But finally, I found the courage to say it and asked her what the real story was with her family and friends.

I told her I felt something wasn't right and that I had never really been able to figure out who she was. And I was feeling too uncertain to move ahead without the complete truth. To this, she first started to avoid the question, but I persisted and pushed her to tell me the truth.

Finally, she said it all. She told me that her mother is alive and living in another city and that she has met her a few times in the past. My girlfriend's parents went through a divorce many years back, and after that, she had chosen to live with her mother.

However, her mother was still married and had a complicated relationship with her father. They both made her promise to keep their separate lives secret and to never let anyone know that they were even in touch.

I was shocked and bewildered by all this information. I feel terrible because all these years I believed she was completely alone in the world. She said she never wanted to tell me because she was afraid of how I would react and thought that I would think differently of her. I don't know how to feel right now. I have no idea how to process this news or if I should go on with the marriage. I'm completely at a loss.

TLDR: My fiancée has been lying to me about her family. Her mother is alive, and they are in touch. She lied because she thought I would react negatively.

Update 2:

So it's been about a month since I posted my question about the unusual behavior of my fiancée and her lying about her mother being dead. Today, I wanted to share a small update because many of you have been asking for it.

After discovering that her mother was still alive, I was shocked for a few days. Gradually, I started to feel better, though I still wanted to understand if I had done anything wrong, especially since I had seen both the good and bad sides of her. Now that some time has passed, I can think more clearly (though I do miss her at times). I reflect on what I know about her.

She is naturally very compassionate and has shown great kindness towards animals, adopting or helping several street animals during the three years we were together. I've seen her experience happiness, sadness, and vulnerability.

However, she has also been very harsh towards my community, language, my parents, and even me. She clearly did things that were wrong, like discouraging interaction with her friends and lying about her mother being dead, among other things.

She also lied to me another time in the past, which I consider the second biggest lie after the story about her mother's death. This happened one night when she arrived in my city a day earlier than planned from her village home. I found out because I had been calling her repeatedly.

She said she wanted to surprise me, but we didn’t end up meeting that day because she asked me not to come over, claiming she was tired and feeling unwell. Later that night, I called her multiple times, but she didn’t pick up. The next morning, I went to her flat and discovered she wasn’t there.

A few hours later, she called me from a friend's phone and explained that she had gone to her friend's house because her friend's boyfriend had come to stay, and the watchman wouldn't allow another guy in the flat.

So, they pretended to be family relatives to cover it up. I forgave her for lying that time and chose to trust her again. In hindsight, it was another significant lie—the second biggest lie during our entire relationship, with the story about her mother still being the first.

About 7 or 8 days ago, I noticed her repeatedly posting WhatsApp updates about how she was treated badly by me, how she was feeling lonely, and how I broke up with her.

During that time, I attended a party with some friends, and I saw her posting stories that directly defamed me, even though we had already broken up and I had every right to socialize with whomever I wanted.

That day, I messaged her after seeing her status updates—partly because I was upset about what she had posted and partly because I wanted to know the real reason behind her lie about her mother's death. She responded with a lengthy message, but to summarize, she listed the following reasons—

She said she lied about her mother being dead because her mother never received the respect she deserved in past relationships, and her ex probably never let her stay at her mother's village house for more than 2 days.

Her ex-boyfriend was spending time with other girls and probably even cheated on her while her mother was in the hospital.

She thought her mother would receive proper respect if she lied about her mother being dead, similar to how her deceased father is treated respectfully according to her.

None of the reasons she gave seemed serious enough for me to believe. I pointed out that about 90% of her reasons were related to her ex-boyfriend and asked her why she had to lie about her mother, especially since I had always been supportive regarding her family issues.

I told her that her explanations didn’t make any sense to me. She later told me I was wrong to say she has Narcissistic Personality Disorder (I mentioned this earlier because she never feels sorry and tends to manipulate situations); she claimed she had consulted a psychologist who diagnosed her with C-PTSD, which can sometimes cause narcissistic traits.

Even so, I don’t see how that justifies creating such a complex story about her mother to deceive both me and my parents, even going as far as to provide a specific date for her mother's death anniversary. She was also upset with my parents because they found the whole situation suspicious and started asking questions.

Although I feel bad and believe she may be dealing with some behavioral issues, I also suspect there is a deeper, more complex secret—whether it's hers or her family's—that has led to all these stories. In my last conversation with her, I made it clear that, regardless of what she says, we are not in a position to restore the marriage.

I don't want to hurt her by doubting her, nor do I want to hurt myself. Trust is something that cannot be rebuilt after everything that's happened, so I asked her to just tell me the truth. However, nothing substantial came from her that I could consider.

TL;DR: My girlfriend has not been able to provide a valid reason for faking her mother's death for three years, and I've decided to move on with my life without her, as there's no way forward in this situation.

Top comment by u/noisy-truffles: "Sounds like it's time to cut all ties with her. You're right about narcissistic personality disorder. I have childhood trauma, but I don't go around manipulating my partner. Don't even bother getting the truth at this point. She will never tell you because even when your relationship was on the line, she still told lies or half-truths."

Reply by OOP: "This is what I was thinking all along...even when the relationship was on the line, she still told several serious lies or half-truths. Maybe she considers these things less serious, but I have already expressed discomfort to her several times, and it never seemed like she understood."

Another interesting comment by u/RepulsiveWorker3636: "The biggest problem here isn't lying about her mother. It's hiding you from her friend group and never introducing you to anyone she knows. I’m a bit paranoid, but I think it is one of two things:

She, her friend, and her friend's husband had or still have a thing going on between them.

She’s married or in a relationship, and her friend is covering for her, which could explain why you were blocked; she didn't want you seeing a picture of her with another guy on her friend's Instagram.

Her excuses don’t make sense about telling you her mother is dead. If she said her mom was abusive or she seduced an ex, I would understand hiding her, but she still visits, meaning the relationship is good. There are too many factors to count; I think you should end this relationship and move on. How can you trust anything she says when she's been lying throughout your entire relationship?"

Move on, it’s not worth it.