Man's wife goes to couples massage with male coworker; 'I did some investigative digging...I'm worried.' UPDATED 2X

When this man is upset with his wife, he asks the internet:

"My (28/f) wife of 3 years went for a couples massage with her (29/m) male colleague and hid it from me. What should I do?"

This happened on a work trip and I clearly remember that she never mentioned getting a massage let alone a couples massage. I only found out a week later when the spa fedexed her anklet that she had left behind.

She came clean when I brought it up but she thinks I'm making it a big deal and insists that she told me about getting a massage just not a couples massage.

Apparently, the spa was almost-full and had only one empty slot so they decided to go in together.

This is so out of character for her, she's always been quite prim and proper and she's definitely 'not friendly' with this guy(I'd be mad even if she was friends with him). They barely speak to each other at work parties and he's always been cold to me.

We have an amazing marriage and she's my best friend. She swears that nothing else happened but I'm unable to let it go and she's upset with me for not trusting her. Should I trust my gut instinct dig deeper or force myself into believing her?

tl:dr - [32/m] My (28/f) wife of 3 years went for a couples massage with her (29/m) male colleague and hid it from me.

Update 1 (with comments and responses from OP):

Glass_Ear_8049: I would trust your gut. Did you ever think maybe the guy is cold towards you because he is into your wife? Maybe they purposely don’t speak to each other in front of you so they don’t let their true feelings show?

No one just goes for a couples massage with a work colleague for convenience sake especially if they are typically prime and proper. I would be livid if this were my husband. It’s a form of cheating in my opinion and she is gaslighting you.

OOP: Thank you, I was hoping for a married woman's feedback.

Separate-Parfait6426: If they barely speak to each other, how would they know that the other person was hoping to get a massage? And if it is somebody you barely talk to, why would you want to be (half) naked in the same room as them? I cannot imagine a scenario where this was innocent.

OOP: She said they bumped into each other at the spa

North-Reference7081: I was thinking there might be a small chance that it really was innocent, but if she's feeding you bullshit like this.. she's probably actually cheating on you, tbh.

OOP: I did press on this when I confronted her. We get a massage almost every week and it's always planned in advance. But she said since she was travelling, it was a last minute thing...

When I brought up the fact that she never goes to a spa without checking the reviews, she got angry and said since it's a 5 star hotel, it ought to be good.

OOP: No he's single but supposedly a ladies' man

Before we give you OP's second update, take a look at some other top responses:

gaad77 writes:

I guess I'm looking at it as what was her intention. If friendship is the intention then there's no need to keep that a secret especially from a husband. I used to work at a mechanics shop with a lot of guys. I was one of maybe 2 girls there.

So I did make a bunch of guy work friends. We would talk at work or occasionally someone would bring something to take a few puffs off of after work lol.

My husband knew what was going on along with my motives and intentions. I certainly wouldn't be getting a couples massage with any of them. And then to lie about it and gaslight makes it even worse... I'm sorry OP.

fah55 writes:

I too am a married woman of 28 yrs. Been to many company events and trips. Never once have I did anything I thought my husband would find inappropriate. Never put myself in a position where something could be misconstrued and taken out of context.

Never wanted my husband to have even a smidgen of doubt about my faithfulness to him. I would have given up a massage if this was the only way to get one and I would have even told my husband about me canceling it.

This lady is not being forthcoming because if she thought it was so innocent and nothing to be concerned about then she would have told him straight away. Yeah she is covering her tracts well for you to have no suspicion about them. I would definitely investigate further.

Maybe ask her to see her phone, watch her reaction, ask her also if the situation was reversed and you had a couples massage with a female co worker how she would be feeling.

kolint writes:

She is cheating on you. She is not interacting with him so you do not notice that something happens between them. I am extremely open minded person and I am not bothered even if my partners flirts but she has an affair with this guy. I used to be kind of lady’s man .

Sorry but thats the truth. Do you know any other person at her work that you feel close too? If you do start chatting and find the way to mention this guy casually and see the other person reaction. And if you can check her phone.

faina writes:

If there is one thing I learned in my marriage is, always trust your gut. I know we as males usually don't do that, but after some crazy ass experiences, yea, if i have a gut feeling, i go by that and I'm yet to be wrong. And how do I judge if i'm wrong? By doing an action based on gut feeling and then saying, damn, i shouldn't have done that.

Is always the opposite!!! I don't trust my gut, and then I find myself saying, fvck! I should have listened to myself! This happened too many times so i learned my lesson! Trust the gut!

With all that said...this is a tough one. This is the time that i would definitely go to my female friend who is very empathic and dabbles with the metaphysical. Definitely i would say, throw me the tarot card!

Update 2 (after OP does some digging):

I really can't thank you enough for your support guys. Getting this off my chest is helping me deal with this better.

My friend and I did some digging and things are not looking good. He called the spa pretending to be the colleague and told them he had lost his watch and was trying to retrace his steps.

The manager said all they found was her anklet. We also found out that the room had a private shower and both therapists left right after the massage and didn’t return until much later. I distinctly remember my wife telling me that there was no private shower and that she went back to her room for a shower.

The manager said she would have the security check the CCTV footage to see if he was wearing his watch when he left. But she never called back. I'm worried that she might have spoken to my wife cos she had been love-bombing me all morning but turned passive-aggressive when she got back from work.

And out of the blue her girl gang shows up for drinks. We do host parties quite often, but never on a weekday and my wife never mentioned that she'd invited them over.

I don't know if my mind is playing tricks or if it was a setup cos her two single friends cleverly steered the conversation towards ‘marriage’ and told me how much they envy what we have and that we're the 'ideal couple'.

Then her guy friend shows up, I don't like him and we've always been formal but he acts like we're best buds. I'm feeling cornered and I want to call my friend over but the wife doesn't want to mix our friends (We usually host them separately but not always).

I got pissed and she goes onto say that she doesn't like the way he looks at her (This is BS, he's an amazing guy, has a wonderful GF).

Her friends were like ‘Stop complaining, you're hot, so guys will check you out'... 'you're so lucky to be married to him, he doesn't get jealous yada yada'.

I couldn't take it anymore so I faked a work call and was about to leave, when her guy friend who's sloshed at this point asks me for tips on how to get 'a girl who's way out of your league haha'.

I acted like I was distracted by the call and left. What do you think is going on? Has she told them something? How do I find out?

I went through her iCloud and it's clean but her CC says she paid for the massage and also left a huge tip. It was scheduled two days in advance.

They were there for a week with four other colleagues and three of them flew back on the fourth day. Should I talk to the one who stayed back and if yes, how do I bring it up? I don't want to harm my wife’s career in anyway.

My friend spoke to his lawyer friend and was told that everything we have right now is conjecture. My friend wants me to give her the benefit of doubt and only confront her if and when we have solid proof. He even offered to fly down to the spa and figure out if she went back to her room to take a shower.

I'm not comfortable talking to a PI, it's so much more humiliating to discuss this when you're not anonymous. Is there any other way I can get solid proof? Not necessarily for legal reasons, but for me to get some finality and move on. I haven't slept in days!

I'm not thinking about divorce yet, but for those of you who asked, we've a lot of assets and most of them are shared.

She does make a lot of money but I make significantly more and I've always been more than happy to take care of everything. And we didn't get a prenup. Not sure how this will affect me should we choose to separate.

Also, her work party is coming up. I want to skip it or should I go and act like everything is normal? My friend suggested I try and be nice to her colleague and see if I can get some info out of him.

DevotedRed: She had her massage partner in your house? I think you missed a trick when he asked how to get someone like your wife. I would have responded that you’ve heard she likes to bond over couples’ massages.

Can you call her bluff? Tell her you’ve spoken to the hotel and you know she cheated. With this level of distrust, your marriage can’t get much worse I’m afraid.

OOP: No this is her friend from college