Man tells affair partner's husband about their relationship, 'I ruined her marriage.' AITA?
"AITA for telling the husband of a women I was dating about her affair after I found out she was married?"
I (M52) met Jane (F56) through work. I work in construction and she works as a business manager at a school. 3 months ago my company started some works at the school and I was introduced to her as the project manager. The work went well and there was some very minor flirting from both of us but I would never overstep that boundary as she is a client.
On my last inspection visit in January we walked through all the completed work and she asked if I wanted to go for a coffee next door. I said "sure" and we got a table and we started chatting. This is where things changed. During conversation she said she had a work function on the Saturday night and asked if I would be her plus 1. I said yes as I was extremely attracted to her (she's hot AF) and she told me to meet at her place so we could get an Uber to the event and have a few drinks while there.
I got to her place and as agreed and we headed to the event. We had an awesome night where the flirting intensified including some slow dancing but nothing further. At the end of the event we got an Uber back to her place and she invited me in. She then excused herself to get changed and came back out wearing a robe that was semi-see-through and sat next to me on the couch. It only took a few seconds before we were at it like teenagers. I left in the morning feeling amazing thinking I'd like to see this go further.
A week later she called and asked if I'd like to spend the weekend at her place. Of course I said yes and that weekend we only left the bedroom to get food. It was amazing! During the following week I called her up and asked if she wanted to spend the next weekend at my place.
Her response was not what I was expecting. She said her HUSBAND is back from a business trip to China and she can't this weekend. What the actual f?? She said it so casual like it wasn't a big deal. I told her I DO NOT date people who are already in a relationship and I didn't want to see her again.
Here's where I may be the AH. The situation had pissed me off and I hate cheaters so I looked up her husband on Facebook and sent him a DM through messenger explaining what happened. 2 days later she called multiple times to which I ignored then text bombed me calling me a POS and how I had no right to tell her husband anything and that I was being petty and that I ruined her marriage. I simply text back that I despise cheaters and would never have gone near her if I new she was married and her husband deserves to know.
I have spoken to my boss to let him know what happened as it may come up later. I've also spoken to my friend group about it and the responses are split. Some are saying that I did the right thing as they would want to know if it was their wife but my boss and a few other friends say I should've left it alone and minded my own business. So, AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
no_thanks_9802 said:
NTA. You didn't ruin her marriage, she did by cheating. Holy cow did she deflect her responsibility back on you. You did the right thing so her husband could make an informed decision about his marriage.
Complete-Buy9999 said:
NTA - he deserved to know the truth. Keep track of any texts though, you don't know what could happen. Hell hath even worse furies in the shape of people caught in bad behaviors.
midwest73 said:
No, she ruined her marriage by pursuing you, hiding she was married and then acted like no big deal. I guarantee she's done this countless times before you, hence her ability to blow it off. You had ethics and realized things were not right. God knows how long she's been doing this to her husband. Block her and I would seriously reconsider any friendship with people who said you did wrong. She lied and used you, period. NTA. Also, get yourself tested. Who knows what she may have and passed on.
Drezzon said:
NTA, who wouldn't want you to tell them if it was their wife or husband... Of course it sucks for her, but I feel like she has absolutely no right to be upset, since she violated both her husband's and your trust by lying and cheating.
FSmertz said:
NTA, but I would be very cautious about getting romantically involved with a newly "former" client who can easily target your employer in unrational ways. I'd also have waited a couple of weeks and then sent an anonymous email to the husband, giving you a little deniability here. I have a feeling that her calendar is booked on the days hubby is out of town.
maritimerYOW said:
NTA. She cheated on the husband and withheld her marital status. Not easy to disclose to the one being cheated on, but good on you for it.
countryboy1101 said:
NTA - always expose the cheater to their spouse. If the spouse does not care, then so be it but otherwise the spouse may never find out. I would have done the exact same thing if I were in your shoes.