Man suggests wife is 'financially irresponsible' for denying she has a lower salary.
Many couples make a deal when they have a child. One will stay home and raise their child for a few years while the other works, and then they'll swap. In theory, a reasonable deal, but the reality of getting back into the workforce after a year or two of being away can cause stress in your professional and at-home life.
On a popular Reddit thread in the Am I the A%#hole Subreddit, a man gets into trouble for making some financial observations about their parenting pact.
He writes:
My wife (32) and I (36m) had our baby boy two years ago. When she got pregnant, we made a deal. She will stay with our boy for the first two years, and after that, we will swap, and I will be a stay-at-home dad until he starts school.
Two years have passed, and I will keep my promise and leave my job by the end of July. My wife has found a new job, but the problem starts here. She will make significantly less money than I did, but she seems completely oblivious and in denial.
Whenever I bring up the topic, she shrugs it off. When I told her today that we have to reduce our running expenses by a reasonable amount, she got angry and accused me of trying to make her feel guilty and miserable. I didn’t do any of this.
All I wanted to do was make a mutual decision with my partner regarding our finances. We will have $800 less monthly, meaning things must change. But again, she does not care and does not want to hear anything about it.
She called me an AH for bringing it up and said I was forbidden to discuss it. She thinks I want to guilt trip her into staying home when I quit my job. I think she is immature and irresponsible.
Marital disputes are the internet's bread and butter.
If the wife were the one posting, this would be so different. She is not trying to cover the $800 by getting a better job but also doesn’t want to cut back on finances. This isn’t right.
You guys did what everyone on here says before having a kid and had the discussion and expectations. You did your part and expect her to do the same, and she isn’t. She isn’t, and she’s making it difficult. Cut the expenses and enjoy the time with your boy. NTA (Not the A%$hole).
High_Fire_1973 says:
NTA. It's both of your responsibility in your relationship to discuss and plan finances. Doing so is not an attack on either one of you. It would be like getting upset to say you need another garbage can because there's more garbage now with diapers than before. Nobody needs to be upset about the need for another garbage can, but discussing and purchasing one is necessary.
This conversation is necessary for your future and does not affect anyone's worth. The numbers you have to work with will be different in a couple of weeks than they've previously been. You budgeted to have a baby, and now you're adjusting the budget to have a baby with the income that will be available to you.
jenwaltersss says:
NTA. It sounds like your wife is feeling anxiety about making less money and is in denial and avoiding conversations because of it.
I think you should try to make it really clear that you don’t care that you (together, as a family unit) will be making less money, and that things will be alright, you just need to get on the same page regarding expenses. Is she in therapy? I know you’re not looking to add costs, but she might benefit from it.
OP, your wife operates by the adage that if we don't talk about it, then it isn't real.