Man throws out GF's creepy doll collection; when she flips out he says, 'This is for YOUR mental health.' AITA? UPDATED
When this man is freaked out by his GF's dolls, he asks the internet:
"AITA for throwing out my gf's dolls?"
My (24m) gf (23f) and I have been together (long distance) for 3 years. We just moved in together, I moved across the country for her after finishing college.
I always knew my gf liked creepy shit, like haunted houses and scary movies, but I didn't realize she liked to collect creepy shit. I'd seen her apartment over video calls, but there was one thing she had neglected to show me.
A fg SHELF of creepy ass dolls. When I was walking through the apartment for the first time I noticed it in the corner of the living room and holy shit. I asked her and she said that she likes thrifting for old, 'abandoned' dolls, cleaning them, getting them new clothes, doing their hair, then throwing them on this shelf.
Then she started introducing me to them... They all had names, and there were a couple really rough ones that she said she had since she was a kid or were her mom's, or some were her grandma's, the other 4 were thrifted.
She said the ones she thrifts and gets into good enough shape she gives to disadvantaged kids at the daycare she works at. She only keeps the ugly ones.
I thought I'd be okay with it, but every morning I just dreaded looking at them, they made me so fg uncomfortable. I tried buying her squishmallows, thinking maybe she could collect something normal instead, she loved them but she still is all about the dolls.
I then suggested she give them to her kids at daycare, or display them at daycare instead, buy she was worried they'd be damaged or taken home by kids by accident. I think she realized I didn't like them so she asked if I wanted her to move them into the closet. I said yes and thought that would be it.
Well one of my friends flew out to visit, and when we were hanging out he dropped a bowl of popcorn. I asked him to grab the vacuum out of the closet he almost shit his pants. The dolls heads all poked out of the box, and their creepy little eyes stared into his soul. Horror movie shit.
I was so embarrassed and my gf was apologetic, but had a bit of a laugh. Honestly that was the last straw, those fg things wouldn't leave me the f alone. The next day, which is today, is garbage day, so I took the box out and tossed it while my gf was away. It's gone.
My gf came home and I started sweating. I told my friend we were leaving to get dinner. She's been calling and texting but I want to give her time to cool off. My friend is saying I'm a bit of a jerk, but I genuinely feel that I had to do it. AITA?
Before we give you OP's major update, let's take a look at some comments that OP replied to:
Dangdanwtich writes:
YTA. Not only did you throw away something that didn’t belong to you but items that held great sentimental value to your girlfriend. These aren’t dolls that she can find down at the Walmart they belonged to her mom and grandma, this is unforgivable.
She already compromised by putting them in a closet since you didn’t like them, you’d better hope that it wasn’t garbage pick up day and get them back. I hope the dolls are possessed by evil spirits and haunt you.
OP replied:
They're gone for good, I watched and waited for the garbage truck go by. It just isn't normal to keep ugly dolls. She knows they're ugly but she keeps them bc they remind her of her mom. I think maybe she could just put a picture up or something instead now, but no one would ever take her seriously when she's got these weird ass dolls around.
spiritualbride7 writes:
YTA. Granted, the dolls thing would creep me out too. BUT you don’t throw away someone else’s stuff. If you feel SO uncomfortable about those dolls, move out and break up with that person.
OP replied:
I don't want to break up, and even if she dumps me I still feel like I did the right thing. I got rid of her only flaw, she'll have an easier time keeping her next boyfriend bc he won't have to deal with this.
I think you missed that I'm the one that moved for her, despite the fact that she has no family left here, so she could keep her job at the daycare because she loves it.
I understand now how it was an asshole move, but it was the best thing for her and she needs to make sacrifices too. I left my actual family to be with her. She'll get over it, but I'm not too worried that she'll break up with me after being together for 3 years because I threw out her toys.
I don't really understand how they even remind her of her mom, she was only 3 when her mom died. Her grandma raised her and recently passed away too. I get it now from all the people saying it here, I'm the asshole. I wish I could take back what I did but I can't. I'm going back to the apartment now to apologize.
ptaptagranda writes:
YTAH, selfish and disrespectful. You threw away property that didn't belong to you, it held sentimental value to your girlfriend. She already compromised and put them away but you "just can't handle it".
If I was her I'd be contemplating the relationship and living situation. If this is your behavior when you've just moved in, giving so little of a shit about what she likes and making decisions without her. Yeah.
romanticarc writes:
YTA. Enjoy being and ex soon, and if you aren't on the lease being homeless. You had no right to do what you did, you knew you were wrong. That's why you waited till she left, so she couldn't know till it was too late.
You violated her trust, you got rid of irreplaceable mementos without consent or knowledge, you enforced your will when she already compromised with you, you act like you know what's best for her (but you can't cause you are not a trained professional, nor her).
You obviously only care about yourself, and she isn't going to calm down. You are going to go home, and best case scenario (for her) your stuff will be on the porch, and the locks changed.
bigappt writes:
YTA. I also collect creepy dolls, I have since childhood and a lot of them have sentimental value to me. If my partner threw them out they world be EXTREMELY lucky if the worst thing I did was break up with them. You're a massive asshole. I hope she breaks up with you and contacts a lawyer since you destroyed her property.
linerva writes:
YTA. You took her only possessions from her dead mother and grandmother and there them it whilst she was away.
If someone did that to me, I could never trust them ever again. Could you trust HER if she threw away sonething you prized but could never replace?
They weren't even on display. They were sitting in the cupboard not doing any harm. You literally threw away your relationship - all her trust and love over a box in the cupboard that didnt affect you. What a stupid, stupid decision.
YTA also for saying nobody would take her seriously because she has a couple of dolls at home.
And now, OP's major update:
I got many messages asking for an update but I was banned from so here it is. I went home and my gf asked me where her dolls were. She'd had a bad day and assumed that I had moved them somewhere after they spooked my friend but she really wanted them because they're very comforting for her.
I sat her down and told her the truth. To be honest I expected to be yelled at, it would have almost been easier, but instead she started sobbing. It reminded me of when her grandma died. I think that's when it sunk in how bad I fd up.
I slept on the couch with my friend and today I swore to do everything I could to correct my massive f up. Unfortunately there's no way we could possibly get the originals back.
They would have ended up compacted and heading to a massive landfill outside the city. So I texted my gf what kind of dolls they were. Most of them she knew, but one of her grandma's dolls were hand made so that one obviously I can't replace.
I started scouring the internet, looking for antique shops, thrift stores, pawn shops, etc. I ordered a couple online that were the same as the ones she had, and found one similar to one she had at one of the stores. I didn't realize how expensive dolls were.
She hasn't broken up with me yet, but I'm now expecting it after what everyone has told me. I'm sleeping on the couch again tonight, and I'm looking to book a flight home. I'm planning on continuing to pay my half of rent for the year, since she doesn't make much money and I'll be living with my parents. If she asks for money to try replacing all the dolls, I'll pay it. It's the least I can do.
We talked and she hadn't forgiven me, but wanted to make it work. I made the mistake of showing her this reddit account and she ended up changing her mind. She broke up with me, but is letting me stay on the couch until I'm able to get a transfer.
It shouldn't take long since I've been with my job for a while and only transferred to this city recently, so I'll be flying back to my hometown early next week. She's going to be trying to find similar dolls and we agreed that she'd send me the receipt and I'd send her the money to reimburse her. That's the end of it I guess
My family isn't really sentimental, so I didn't understand her connection to the dolls. My parents threw out all my toys when I was young. When I told my parents they told me I did the right thing, since my ex-gf never had anyone to throw her toys out for her.
I told them that was a really messed up thing to say bc I had realized my mistake at the time but they're stuck in their ways and just said "well, you turned out fine, didn't you?" and got mad that I was implying they were bad parents.
She ended up dumping me, and I now know better even though it's too late. My ex-gf told me that she appreciated that I knew what I did was wrong now, even if it was too late. She broke up with me and I'm going back to my hometown at the end of the week.