Man uninvites mother AND father from wedding; family says; 'You're petty. GROW UP.' AITA?

When this son is angry at his father, he asks the internet:

'AITA for uninviting my dad and mom?'

I want to be clear that this is not about money. I know no one owes us money, but he promised and it is about his reasoning.

My fiancee and I are currently planning a wedding and my mom got herself uninvited as we found out she had made some jokes behind our back about my fiancee's appearance/style and saying she was never going to be anything more than a stay at home mom.

I was furious and uninvited her. A couple of people told me I was being an asshole as it was a one time thing she said not thinking it would get back to us. Also she was tipsy, maybe a bit drunk.

My dad recently found out she wasn't going to be there (they aren't married) and confronted me. He said what she said wasn't nice but realistically people shit talk and gossip, and I should give her the chance to apologize and move on.

I explained that I can't let someone who feels that way come to our wedding, and he said I was being ridiculous. He said he was no longer going to pay for our wedding if I was going to treat my mom like that.

I decided to uninvite him as I feel he is no longer a supportive person. My fiancee was privy to this conversation and is obviously hurt.

She doesn't want him there either so I feel the need to support her, but now my dad and his wife are telling everyone how we feel entitled to their money and how arrogant we are for uninviting everyone who 'disagrees' with us. I feel slightly weird about it because obviously he doesn't have to pay for our wedding. AITA?

Let's find out.

aaglyh writes:

YTA for taking such extreme action every time a guest does anything remotely wrong surrounding your wedding.

Yes, it's your wedding and you can invite and disinvite whoever you want. And yes, standing up for your fianceé is the right thing to do.

However, at least from the way you wrote this, it seems you don't have any kind of conversations with people before deciding they're out. And not just any person, but your mother and father. It's quite immature.

similar writes:

Yeah, YTA. Unless there's more to the story and your parents actions that you're not telling, you're being unreasonable and jumping the gun.

So your mom said one shitty thing. Does she have a habit of talking negatively about your fiance or making her feel inferior? Is she a generally toxic person? Do she and your fiance repeatedly butt heads? If not, then YTA. Allow your mother the chance to apologize and move on.

Same with your dad. The fact that they're not even married and he's still sticking up for your mother leads me to believe that you're being overly dramatic.

Kind of sounds to me like you need to humble yourself a little bit and, IDK, dole out apologies as well for your over the top reaction.

golbaeprin writes:

NTA. Sorry but your family doesn’t sound particularly functional. If you dad is still standing up for your mom and they’re not together that’s a whole other kind of weirdness. I don’t know how old you are but you sounds pretty levelheaded to me about who you want in your life and what you’re doing with it. Have your own damn wedding

cookie2 writes:

A child can visit their parents without they’re spouse like stop by for dinner and such. Your girlfriend clearly thinks she’s entitled to respect but what effort has she put in? She talks badly about your mom and you let her. Your mom makes one remark and you basically remove her from your life.

Your in-laws prob don’t worship the ground you walk on but I’d guarantee there’s zero chance they wouldn’t be invited to the wedding. Grow up and think of all of it. I’d bet one parent has said something about you at least once, throw out the “well we disinvited mine, yours next”.

You don’t have the balls to pull that card. Most in-law relationships aren’t perfect this is such a bullshit low excuse to kick your parents out, I really hope your dad doesn’t pay a penny . You don’t deserve it YTA

mfclgytho writes:

NTA. Let's be real, your dad is upset you are holding your mother accountable and not rug sweeping her behavior. He thought that if he pulled the money as a punishment, you would just fold on it.

To be honest, it's likely that your mother has said much more about your fiance in the past, but this is the first time you were told about it. Her being tipsy isn't an excuse because the truth tends to flow more.

It also doesn't sound like your mom took any accountability for this either. Her excuse to your family was that you weren't supposed to hear it so it's not like she said it to your fiance's face or yours.

Keep defending her because this isn't the last time your mom will pull BS.

fedcri writes:

YTA you’re both 5 and having play-time wedding right? Will there be any guests or has everyone been axed already? From the sounds of the comments you made your fiancée is doing a fabulous job of isolating you from your family.

Have fun 10 years from now when you wake up one day and realize you have no family, no friends, no identity, no hobbies, no fun unless it is what your fiancée allows for you, but you won’t be able to see that now and nothing anyone on here says will pull the wool from over your eyes.

javong writes:

I'm going NTA on this one. My reasoning is that your Dad decided to "confront" you regarding your mom being uninvited which leads me to believe that he approached you more aggressively rather than to have a calm rational discussion. When he did not get the response he wanted he decided to pull those invisible strings he had attached to his "gift" to force your hand.

Essentially what he demonstrated was that if he was going to be paying for the wedding he expected ultimate authority instead of doing something kind and loving and supportive of you and your bride.

That is never ok behavior. I could be wrong but your post reads like this is not an "unusual" pattern for your parents so perhaps that is why you lead with firm concrete boundaries and that's fine.

Maybe you guys can work it out later...who knows but you did the right thing by your soon to be wife and that's a huge thing to a marriage's integrity. Good luck, I hope you guys have a wonderful wedding day and long happy healthy and prosperous marriage.