Man wants to rewrite will; 'My brothers are mentally unstable and I'm going to financially RUIN them.' AITA? UPDATED

"I want to financially ruin my brothers."

Okay now to start off, my mom wanted me to come and talk with her, about her will, and when we talked about she told me me she will be leaving me only 10 percent of it, most likely its 100k.

and she will leave the rest to my two older brothers who are 34 and 32, they are mentally not all there, and have the mind of about a 14 year old, so very immature, can't focus, all that stuff.

me on the other hand, i have a stable job that pays fairly well, and i own a joint home with my mom, we bought it together because at the time that was the only way we would own a home, however thankfully i was smart when i bought the home, as i didn't want to be stuck with my brothers because well they have no filter, and can be assholes. so i did a right of survivorship contract with my mom.

anyway thats were the contention lies, she says that since i will already have the house that i dont need the extra money, I on the other hand know that they will just burn through the money within a year.

(for example, when one of my brothers got his stimulus check he gave half of it to a friend who was struggling), so I gave her an ultimatum, if she dosent leave me a fair share of the money, like a 33 33 33 split.

i will kick them out of the house since they have been living here rent free for years, and then challenging the will in court, and make them have to burn through the money with lawyer fees.

anyway in the end because of that she gave in, and didnt change the will but she did tell my brothers, and first thing they did, was post on social media for all are friends and family to see, so i have been getting hateful messages this whole time, some of my family agrees, with me though, so AITA?

Before we give you OP's update, let's read some top responses:

vnghoss writes:

YTA just for that threat. You're not entitled to anything from her will, she can leave it all to a cat shelter if that's what she wants to do.

My grandfather has already said that he's leaving his house to my older uncle and his money to my younger uncle while my dad is getting nothing in the will because my dad earns the most money out of the 3 sons. Guess how my dad reacted? He said fine because he isn't an entitled brat.

The fairest thing for your mother to do would be to calculate her entire net worth including her share of your (pl) house and split the money in a way so that you all get 1/3 of the total value of the estate.

You can give notice to your brothers if they don't want to pay rent or you want them out and that wouldn't make you the AH, but making petty threats just because you think you deserve more than your fair share does.

eautygreg writes:

The brother isn't obliged to take care of his brothers though. I don't think anyone should feel guilty for not taking on that kind of responsibility. I also think there might be more to it than meets the eye - I wouldn't be surprised if the brothers came first in the family because of their disabilities, fostering a bit of resentment on OP's part.

However, it's the mothers' responsibility to ensure her sons are adequately taken care of after her death and this means making arrangements for their care, not merely leaving them a bunch of money and assuming OP will continue to allow them to live in his house rent free. It might be controversial, but I'm going with NTA.

seamud writes:

ESH. This is about way more than this moment.

Your mother bought a house jointly with you with the ulterior expectation that you care for your two siblings (and more info needed: are they special needs adults, or just feckless and irresponsible ones?

They seem to have the wherewithal to go whine on social media about it). Instead of setting up plans for their care, she plans to dump them on you--in fact, if they're living in the house rent-free, she's ALREADY dumped them on you.

Your mother assumed that buying the house with you was a way to give you part of your inheritance up front (as you will inherit her interest in a house that you couldn't afford alone), but it came with massive strings.

You've resented your two older brothers for years, and you entered into this purchase of the house without asking about her expectations, or her plans, and now that she's making it clear that she is going to expect you to be their caregiver, your response is to be as vicious as possible.

Now you've created a situation where you mother knows you aren't going to take care of brothers, deeply resent her and them and woooo, you're still living with the two brothers in a jointly owned house. This is like stirring a giant cyclone of shit.

Have a conversation with a lawyer and maybe a counselor about what this is really about--your asshole brothers, and your mother's expectations of their future and what part she (justly or unjustly) expects you to have in it. Family members who want to be flying monkeys about it can start explaining how THEY plan to take care of the two brothers themselves.

spaetzle writes:

I'm going to say NTA. Your delivery needs a bit of work, but it sounds like your mom is expecting you to allow your brothers to live in the home you would then fully own, in continuance of her generous rent-free arrangement, while they burn through a pile of cash.

Were I you, I would have phrased it this way: mom, I see this working one of two ways. First way, I inherit the house and nothing else. If that is your decision then you need to know my first task will be putting the brothers out on the street.

Don't worry. You will have given them enough to live on if they use it wisely. Second way. I inherit the house and each of us brothers gets an equal split of everything remaining.

Consider the split you give me to be their "rent" (don't bother throwing in there that you could sell the house at any time if you choose). It can't be me taking care of them for the rest of their lives entirely on my own budget, they aren't my children and I don't owe them that.

voalsreagion writes:

Nah NTA. Yes, indeed you're not entitled to anybody's money, but there's a saying in Spanish that is basically that "life belongs to those who catch opportunities, not even to those that put in a lot of effort", that's what you did.

Your parents and brothers have been neglecting you and kinda using you for their own benefit, and something tells me that the only reason you still have contact with your brothers is your mom/parents, so I feel like once they're gone, you're going to cut off your brothers, which fair enough.

No one in your life ever thought about putting you first, and if your mom was showing clear favoritism, then it was a good thing that you chose to finally look out for only yourself, just don't try to justify it by saying you were worried they would spend it all in less than a year.

Your mom should make a trust fund with your brothers' shares, but again, worry about yourself, you've been neglected and hurt enough through out your life by the "your poor brothers".

Also, something tells me that by them being the oldest two and you being the youngest, it feels like your mom tried for a child until she got one that wasn't special needs so he/she would care for their older brothers that are. Shake that role off.

at66 writes:

ESH. Your mom sucks for trying to leave you with nada. Your brothers suck for thinking you getting an equal split is screwing them over, and you suck for not allowing your mom to include the value of the house in the split. Have you thought about just selling the house and being done with the whole thing?

aghayu67 writes:

ESH. I get you wanting a "fair share" and that she is likely setting your brothers up for failure. It should be in some type of trust or something to drip out to them.

And once the house is yours you are welcome to have them evicted considering they will then have a lofty sum to take care of themselves.

But you are not entitled to that money. And she could if she has the right lawyer set it up to make you get the bare minimum to not be able to contest and include or at least make it known to your brothers and her lawyer/executor that if you do contest to ask for you to repay the legal fees.

So frankly you are being an entitled brat to money you have zero say over. And you just threatened her children's safety and her peace of mind to do it.

fotchuna writes:

I have 2 brothers that are autistic and my mom has put me down to receive majority of the money when she dies the rest will go to our sister. The reason I will be having the majority is cause I’ve already been given instructions on how to care for my brothers and will be making sure they are taken care of. Even though the money will be with me, I will use it for them.

Seeing on how you threatened to throw your brothers out and seem to have resentment towards them I can see why your mother wanted to split it the way she did before you “threatened to kick your autistic brothers out on the streets” (as you’ve put it).

You talk about your brothers having no filters and can be assholes but even mentioned how one gave money to someone in need that was struggling (doesn’t sound like an asshole to me). Plenty of autistic people don’t have filters and can seem like assholes but it’s not because they are or are trying to be. Some people with autism don’t even realize when they are being assholes.

You could’ve talked to your mom on how you didn’t see them managing the money well on their own and had her put their money in a trust where a lawyer can take care of approving big transactions and they both get an allowance monthly to spend as they choose along...

with paying for their housing bills (living with you means you’ll get rent from them or if you don’t want them living with you then talk to your mom on finding them a comfortable living arrangement that their trust could pay monthly bills at) if you were truly just worried about them burning through the money within a year.

Maybe you are just upset and you let your emotions get the better of you but keep in mind it’s your moms will. No one has any right to decide how anyone’s last wishes should go and you did just that to your mom and used the 2 people she is worrying about most when she dies as a way to get your way.

And I say worries about most when she dies because she obviously knows you have your life figured out and won’t get into trouble when she dies but in a way when she dies it won’t be the same for your brothers.

Your mom the one person that more then likely has been keeping your two brothers life on track won’t be there anymore and can more then likely send them both into a panic and off the rails.

She wasn’t doing what she was to hurt you, she was doing what she thought was logical since she can see you’d be able to live without money problems.

(you made it clear that you have a stable job that pays well and a home which you stated was what your mom even said was why she didn’t believe you’d need the extra money) when she was gone but not so much your brothers.

YTA for doing what you did in my opinion at least.

Update:

so i had some time to think about it and cool down. I realized that i had let myself become so bitter, and hateful, that i was willing to destroy my mentally unstable brothers.

I called my mom back up and we decided to sit down for another talk, a lot of you were wondering why she was doing a will now all of a sudden, so i asked, her and she is dying, she wouldn't tell me of what, but apparently she told my brothers 2 months ago, which almost set me off again, but i was able to remain calm.

I told her that I'm tired of always having to be an afterthought, that i was always given less because of them. However I do want to try to move past it, and because of that i will accept 10 percent of 100k, however i want them out, and i want her gone as well.

she did tear up, but the thing is, I cant have them with me, and now every time i see her, im just reminded of all the shit she let me go through. we plan to discuss it in further detail soon

many of you suggested that i seek therapy, as well i do have a lot of unresolved issues, with my parents and brothers. The truth is though, every time I think of those memory's i get so angry, and sad. So i rather just forget about those memory's. im glad i had this place to talk about my issues though, so thank you.