'AITA for wanting to leave my wife after our youngest goes to college?'
"AITA for wanting to leave my wife after our youngest goes to college?"
My (47m) wife (50f) changed after our kids were born. It's as if she started to resent me, even my presence. Our intimate life practically vanished after our youngest was born. I haven't been intimate with my wife for 13 years.
For three years, I tried everything; we even went to therapy, but nothing changed, so I resigned myself to my fate. Eventually, I began to casually cheat after three years of a dead bedroom, but those affairs never truly fulfilled me. I've been living a double life for the past decade.
I didn't pursue a divorce because I didn't want our kids raised by another man. Despite our struggles as a couple, we were both good parents. Now that our son is 17, I feel it's the right time to leave.
I confessed to my wife about all my affairs and asked for a divorce. Surprisingly, she was deeply hurt by my confession, which caught me off guard because I was certain she was also contemplating leaving me. After the initial shock wore off, she changed.
Suddenly, her libido is through the roof, and she wants intimacy every day. She's become very affectionate and is adamant about not wanting me to leave. She promises me all the sex I desire. However, I no longer love her.
She's somehow blaming me for not expressing how important being intimate was to me, which is frustrating considering I did take her to therapy about it. At this point, it doesn't matter anymore. I stopped loving her years ago. Now she wants us to go to therapy, but I feel it's too little, too late. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
DrunkTides says:
I think you should have told her hey I’m going elsewhere for physical love but whatever, just end it mate.
joolzdev says:
NTA (Not the A%@#ole). For the good of your mental health and hers - stop being with her and start divorcing her.
Intrepid_Potential60 says:
You deserve to live a happy life, and this marriage isn’t giving you a happy life, and it hasn’t been for over a decade. Sometimes it isn’t fixable, sometimes, it is too late to mend things. This seems one of those times for the two of you. Leave, and find a happier life. NTA.
No_Bee1950 says:
I think you're an an a%^#$le for not leaving 10 years ago, for all the obvious reasons.
yesimreadytorumble says:
You shouldn’t have cheated but you’re not wrong for wanting to leave. ESH I guess.
I want to know what else was discussed in therapy. Clearly he did a lot of listening there.
What do you think? Is OP right to leave his wife now?