'AITA for getting mad my fiancé was cheap with my ring?' UPDATED & PICS
"AITA for getting mad my fiancé was cheap with my ring?"
He (35M) proposed and he got me a sterling silver ring from Walmart when he went there to get his nephew a Halloween costume. He gave me the receipt so I can return or exchange if it’s not one I liked. He makes good money (as do I) and he got me a ring that is less than 2 hours of his wage (post tax!).
Meanwhile, for his bday, I got him something that was 10x more expensive than he got for my engagement ring. He routinely buys gadgets or toys more expensive.
I said I was offended and he would have pissed me off less if he just proposed with a ring pop. The dude went out and got a ring pop the next day! Not only did he go cheap, he didn’t even find out my style or what I liked.
He asked if I was seriously considering refusing the proposal just because of the ring and I’m being THAT type of girl. Do you think I’m the AH for caring how cheap he went and how little effort he put into the ring he expects me to wear my entire life? (Ps I do buy my own jewelry, and yes, they are almost all more expensive than this).
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
pizza_toast102 said:
NTA, the lack of effort is a big thing- it’s not like he happened to stumble upon a ring he knew you would’ve loved at a great bargain, it sounds like he just bought some random Walmart ring. Combined with 2 hours wage thing, that’s almost insulting.
Physics-Regular said:
Is he prepping for a breakup maybe? Forcing your hand in a way? Based on his actions and his verbiage ( accusing you of being THAT type of woman), sounds like he is "setting the scene" making you the bad guy. I say that because he can't truly be that dense.
Or that was a "shut up" ring just to give you one so say it's done. Or maybe he testing to see how you'd react to a ring from Walmart. Reddit has made me wary lol Walmart does sell some decent rings from what I've seen. But maybe that's just my tax bracket lol.
HoshiJones said:
I don't think the cost of the ring per se is important. But when you tell me he always splashes out on things for himself, that's bad. Not to mention putting zero effort into finding out what you like and expecting you to be happy wearing that ring for the rest of your life. NTA. You seem to be an afterthought to him.
cchris_39 said:
NTA - the ring is a big deal and something you wear for life. If he was poor and doing the best he could that’s one thing...but less than two hours’ wages and even less thought put into than that? Hate to say move on, but he’s cheap and has no idea what’s important.
biscuitboi967 said:
NTA. Look, cost doesn’t matter until you think about it being something you like and will cherish and ostensibly will wear for the rest of your life and can pass down to a daughter or son or grandchild to use (my diamond is from my husbands, grandma’s great aunt).
And when you compare it to the cost of a new gaming set up or a dirt bike or whatever hobby he has that he’s gets a few years use out of on nights or weekend, compared to something you wear all day everyday for life.
What he’s willing to splash out on for him vs you certainly DOES. matter. And finances matter too. Sure, two months salary is dumb. But my husband and I live very comfortably.
And we do so because of my job. He can save. I know what’s in his bank account. He had access to a family diamond, but he was also like “if you don’t like it or want more or different, we can do that too."
If he has come at me with something cheap, we would have had a problem because there was no reason to be a miser except either extreme mental illness or else extreme disrespect.
And I am a reasonable person (and the family diamond was large and round, which is what I wanted) so we had no problems, but there comes a point where it’s about respect. If I’ve given it, I expect it back.
Ach3r0n- said:
If it was simply about the money, I'd say YTA. When we got engaged we were young and poor AF. My wife's engagement ring was probably ~$150 (over 20 years ago). That was probably about 1/4 of a week's net pay for me at the time. Your point about his lack of thought/effort is valid though and for that, NTA.
EnvironmentEuphoric9 said:
NTA. It’s a piece of jewelry that you’ll have forever, most likely passing it down to someone special. I’m on your side and would heavily suggest saying no.
Later OP came back with this update:
It was miscommunication. He assumed people usually propose with a stand-in ring but never said it to me. He got the gaudy ring bc he thought i was “that type” as in someone who wanted MORE bling bling but i like subtle rings (looks simple from top, from side it’s like oh!).
I showed him the ring i like, he agreed and said “oh shit, that’s nice looking. Shit man, i have bad taste in jewlery. Let’s go try and find a store/jeweler this weekend”
(I just returned the entire ring)
The one he got: https://www.walmart.com/ip/380843682
Vs my dream ring: https://pin.it/Tc1bwM0