'AITA for missing my daughter's birth?'
"AITA for missing my daughter's birth?"
For a little background information, I (28M) have a beautiful wife (27F) we’ve been trying for a baby for about 3 years now and have known each other since we were in high school. When my wife found out she was pregnant we were thrilled and have been getting prepared for months now, she's 9 months pregnant.
My dad is a real a$$hole, but he keeps me employed. He owns a pretty nice Italian restaurant that has been run by my family for decades. I’ve worked there since I was about 15 and I am now head chef. The problem is he treats his employees pretty bad (including me) and if you even miss one shift you get demoted or even worse fired.
I was in the middle of a very hectic shift on the busiest day of the week when my MIL called saying my wife went into labor and I needed to get to the hospital right away. When I asked my dad if I could go he said “You can go if you're ok with being unemployed."
I couldn't risk it, because after the baby was born my wife would be off work for quite a while to be a stay-at-home mom.
The reason my dad was so mad at the idea of me leaving was because he was understaffed and really needed my help. When I tried calling my MIL she wouldn’t pick up so I just kept working and thought I could explain myself later.
Later when it was time to go home I drove to the hospital, but MIL and her sisters refused to let me in the room and called me names like “a bad father and a bad husband”.
When it was finally time to leave the hospital my wife and newborn baby went home with MIL and they haven’t spoken to me in days even when I try and apologize and explain myself. I thought I was doing the right thing but I need to know, AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
YTA. Here’s a news flash…lots of restaurants need staff. You should have gotten out from under your father’s thumb a long time ago, before it affected your wife and child. I’d say more, but I don’t want to hold you up because you have a lot of groveling to do. A LOT.
I’d be surprised if he isn’t being served divorce papers. OP just let her go through potentially the most traumatic experience of her life without him so his dad wouldn’t be upset with him. Like okay cool, she and baby are not your first priority even if it’s a potentially life and death situation, and you’d rather risk losing your wife than your job. Got it loud and clear. Of course YTA OP, why would you even ask.
I legitimately would never forgive my husband if he did this to me (obvious YTA)
YTA. You had cards in your hand, son. You forgot to play them. You should have taken your knives and said, 'good luck with never seeing your grandchild, then' and disappeared into the night.
You had all the aces. Him facing his wife for saying that. Their being the grandparents, You knowing all the recipes and how to follow them. You just didn't play them because you were afraid. Getting one more saltimbocca out is not worth missing your child's birth for. You did wrong.
YTA grow a back bone. You left your wife to go through one of the hardest things without you because you can’t set boundaries. And you didn’t even have the decency to let her know you weren’t coming.
Obviously, your dad is the biggest a-hole but you’re a close second for allowing this and for basically abandoning your wife with no explanation
Absolutely. Co-Sign. OP YTA. You both made a decision to have a child and as a husband your job that evening was NOT to be head chef, your job was to be a husband to your wife and be their when your baby entered this world. You can get another job what you CANNOT get back is witnessing the birth of your first child.
You effed up. Own it. Apologize and make it right. If you are lucky you will get your family back, if you don’t you have no one to thank but yourself!
YTA. Restaurants everywhere are looking for staff. You'd find a new job in a kitchen in a MINUTE. You should have grown a pair and left to see your child born.
YTA You had 9 months (and even years, since you've been planning to have a child for a long time even before your wife became pregnant) to make contingency plans and work out with your dad how to keep the restaurant staffed during your daughter's birth. You apparently failed to take even cursory steps to plan for time off around the time of the birth. That's a serious failing as a parent.
What was your plan? Were you going to leave your recovering wife home with a newborn and never take any time off to help her and to bond with your child?