Woman fed up with 'spineless' hubby catering to lying ex; he calls her 'disrespectful.' AITA?
"AITA for telling my husband that I no longer want to be involved with anything regarding his child?"
mollywobbles_7
BG: I (26) have been married to my husband (27) for 4 years and he has a child (6) from a previous relationship. The kiddo stays with the baby mamma in a different province.
Right so onto the current issue. BM has, for as long as I've known my hubby, been a bit fo a problem and I'll give you a lot of time examples. Lied about the kiddo being deathly ill and on life support.
Provided a fake hospital bill in regard to the above. Lied to my FIL about hubby paying child support so she was receiving money from both my hubby and FIL. Lied to both my FIL and I about hubby knocking her up again when she visited previously.
Lied to my in laws about hubby hiding the kiddos Birth Certificate. Performs every few months about how she cannot manage and is sending the kiddo to live with us. Demands money on top of the child support she is receiving.
That's just a few things off the top of my head. I tried speaking to hubby today and I basically told him that he needs to grow a spine because she truly does take advantage at times and he got upset with me and said that I'm disrespectful.
But here's the thing... the kiddos school fees and child support are paid every single month without fail yet she always demands more and hubby always just gives in even if it will negatively affect us.
I'm not saying that he should not support the kiddo, he most definitely should do that, it is his responsibility. My problem lies with the fact that she cannot hold a job and even when she does have one the tantrums and money stories never end. It's never a question for help it's you need to pay for xyz.
Previously when I used to give advice he would tell me I'm not a parent so I don't know.. Lately if I speak up or give advice he just gets annoyed with me and I apparently have no way of speaking.
He literally just refuses to grow a back bone when it comes to her. I've had it up to the end of time with this behaviour from both of them and he just can't understand that she is completely taking advantage of him but I digress.
I've told hubby many times to rather not involve me as it's a subject of contention and time and time again I have broken the boundary to give him comfort or to listen to him vent.
I'm just tired of being made out to be the bad guy that knows nothing. So I told hubby today that I am standing firm on my decision this time and I will not longer be breaking my boundary so he is salty.
Edit 1: Many people are assuming that I have an issue with the kiddo and I genuinely do not; I love her so much. I am literally just tired of being unheard and treated like an idiot because I didn't push out a baby as well as the fact the she is constantly disrespectful towards my hubby.
We have no other issues besides this. When I said I no longer want to be involved it meant taking my support away from hubby because he turns all kinds of support into something negative.
Edit 2: Thank you to everyone for your input. I can't respond to all comments so I'm just going to break down majority of what I've been receiving. Firstly I am not pregnant so I'm not sure where some people are getting this idea.
Secondly the main issue is not financial support at the end of the day it is his duty to financially support his child and I will never ask him to stop. My issue lies with him constantly letting his baby mama bully him and in extension me.
In regards to sending extra money whenever she asks it's over the silliest of things and she never gives us a heads up.. she randomly requests money for things that she can literally sort out herself and I usually don't mind.
But, he just started a new job after being unemployed for 2 months due to no fault of his own and I really need help at home because I was trying to carry everything on my own. But I also feel that when she asks for extra cash and he sends even a portion of it has opened up an entire avenue for a new issue. I need more help than I am getting.
I don't think it's fair to me that he complains and complains and complains yet when I offer solutions I'm brushed off or he gets upset. I love him he is a good man but this woman literally has him by the balls and I'm sick of just being ignored when it comes to this. I don't have to have given birth to have common sense.
Here were the top rates comments from readers:
solo_throwaway254247
NTA. Hubby is for enabling his manipulative baby mama and disrespecting you in the process. He needs to grow a spine and take his baby mama back to court to sort out this mess.
His behavior doesn't bode well for the long-term success of your marriage.
Question: How are your finances split?
The OP responded here:
mollywobbles_7
Household expenses are split between us, the only thing separate is payment for his child.
Iwishyouwell2024
I think the question is: Do you have a joint account? Does your full payment goes into only one shared account? Or do you deposit the house expenses and others, after you know how much is it to share?
The OP again responded:
mollywobbles_7
We have separate accounts and divide bills.
Beck2010
NTA. He has continually told you that you’re not a parent so you wouldn’t understand, etc. It seems he’s made it clear your opinion doesn’t matter. Separate your accounts if you haven’t already done so. If he wants to continue to support his ex, that needs to fall squarely on him.
But I have to wonder why, if baby mama lies so frequently, why hasn’t he sought full custody? She doesn’t have stable employment, she lies, she’s basically defrauding your husband’s father, etc etc etc. Doesn’t sound like she’s the best person for raising his child.