Man's 'passive aggressive' GF asks, 'why don’t you all like me?' His sister laughs. AITA?
"AITA for laughing at my brother’s girlfriend after she asked me why none of us like her?"
My (20f)’s brother (Mark-23m) has been with his girlfriend (22f-Jane) for a year. She is one of the most passive-aggressive, snarky people you will ever meet. Her middle name is "petty."
The thing that caused our family to keep her at arm’s length, was when she got mad at our mum for accommodating our younger sister’s autism and not force-feeding her as well as allowing her to read at the table (something that calms her down). She got on mum’s arse for "enabling an entitled brat."
Another example was when my mum supported Mark’s decision to get the tattoo he had been saving up for, for years. Jane proceeded to call mum up to complain that he made the deposit (with his hard earned, saved money) and had an appointment set.
She told mum that was wasn’t going to allow this ‘emotional incest’ anymore and that she’s happy to make an appointment for all of us for family therapy as this ‘enmeshment’ is making her uncomfortable.
She has continued to make comments like these, specifically to mum and it’s disgusting how little respect she has for pretty much everyone but herself. She’s not been invited to Christmas this year but Mark is. It’s unclear what they’re planning to do yet.
A few days ago, Jane called me as mum had blocked her. She said she was 3 months pregnant and went on a long rant about the family dynamic. She then asked "why don’t you all like me?"
I laughed out of pure shock and asked if she was serious. She didn't even respond, just said 'I'll call you when you're in the mood to be more mature." And hung up.
I told mum about the situation and she's on my side but Mark is fuming at me for laughing at Jane's question and angry at mum for being on my side. Mum just told him that he needs to talk to Jane about her constant comments and insults and she's expecting an apology. Mark won't talk to me and Jane blocked my number. AITA?
EDIT: The tattoo has got nothing to do with our mum. It's an octopus up his arm that my brother designed himself (he does art and wanted to be a tattoo artist).
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Regular_Swordfish_85 said:
NTA, u guys should have talked with Mark a long time ago to dump this girl. She is a nightmare, and now pregnant it will only get worse
A9J9B said:
NTA! But if your brother is going to have a baby with her and she actually seems oblivious to the fact what the problem is ...then maybe you should actually give it a shot at discussing this.
What I would do is write a well-formed letter. Answer her question "why don't you guys like me" honestly. No accusations, no emotional attacks ...just describe why your family has a problem and name the individual situations. Explain what would need to change for a better family dynamic.
Because it seems like your brother is going to spend the rest of his life with this woman. So you might feel bad about loosing him and never trying to make it work with her.
woahmandogchamp said:
NTA. That's an abuser trying to isolate your brother from his friends and family. And succeeding. You need to all get together and fix this before it gets worse.
ImmunocompromisedAle said:
NTA Jane sounds like she is falling for all the anti-MIL stuff she sees online and was looking for “emotional incest” and all the other nonsense because he’s a man who is close with his family. Some women really cannot handle the dynamics with in-laws, some men too of course.
Jane sounds like she could be an unsafe person for your sister to be around. Mark has chosen her, so treat her with respect and basic kindness you would show anyone. Keep your sister out of her way.
Let Mark know you guys will always support and love him but you expect basic manners to go both ways. If she is down the Justnomil drama hole it’s all you can do.
Sebscreen said:
NTA. Jane isn't even passive aggressive. She is outright combative and rude. While it would have been nice to sit down and list all the ways her badgering your poor mother or trying to control your brother's bodily autonomy makes her unlikeable, if you already knew she wouldn't listen...why bother.