'I've been married for a month and my husband is having an affair with my sister.' AITA? + UPDATE
"I've been married for a month and my husband is having an affair with my sister."
I've been in shock since I found out. We have been married for a month. He's been having the affair with my sister since before we got engaged back in November. My sister is 8 months pregnant.
Her husband was the one who discovered the affair, and he is divorcing her. He had to get a test done on the advice of his aunt who is a solicitor, to make sure their 1.5 year old son was his child, but my sister doesn't yet know if her husband or my husband is the father of her baby.
I'll be seeking a divorce even though my husband wants us to go to counselling and stay married. I'm an advocate (a barrister), so I won't have any trouble finding a solicitor at least.
The law only takes adultery into consideration as to why the marriage broke down and not for how the assets are divided or settled. However at least I will not have to pay him support since we were only married for a month before I moved out of our flat.
I will never speak to my sister again no matter how much she begs me to forgive her and I am not staying married to my husband no matter how much he begs me to stay. I don't believe either of them when they say they are sorry. Not one bit.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s post:
I’m so sorry for their betrayal. I would never speak to her ever again either.
Since you've only been married for a month, is an annulment an option? So sorry for what you're going through! Sis and hubby are both trash.
They are only sorry they got caught. Damn, OP, this is one of the worst ways to be cheated on. Forget them both, you are better than them. I hope the kid is your husbands so you and your ex BIL don’t have to be tied to these losers anymore.
Ten months later, the OP returned with an update.
Last June I (F37) found out my husband (M39) was having an affair with my sister (F27). I had been married for a month. Their affair began before I was engaged. My sister's husband (M27) was the one who first found out.
When it was discovered, my sister was about 8 months pregnant with a baby girl and it turned out my ex-husband is the father. Apparently he was furious when he found out because he didn't want children. (My ex-husband and I met in an online dating group for people who don't want children, or to date people who have children from former relationships).
My ex-husband and my sister both begged me to forgive them. My sister said she can't help it that she fell in love him and my ex-husband said he couldn't be blamed for what happened.
I couldn't believe they thought what they did could be forgiven and forgotten. My ex-husband didn't want a divorce and neither did my sister from my former brother-in-law. I'm divorced now. I'm an advocate (known as a barrister in the rest of the UK) so I was fortunate to already know the best solicitors who could represent me in my divorce.
Since I was only married for a month before I sought a divorce and moved out of our flat, I did not have to pay my ex-husband maintenance and the divorce did not take long. It's a different story for my sister and my former brother-in-law.
They were married for longer, they own property and they have a son together (he was 17 months old when the affair was discovered). My sister may end up having to pay spousal and child maintenance since she earns more.
Their divorce is ongoing. I haven't spoken with my former brother-in-law since I first left my ex-husband but I feel badly for him. He was devastated when he found out about the affair and the baby not being his child. He didn't deserve any of that.
People who say you should just get over it when someone cheats on you have no idea. I have never felt pain like this before. It wasn't even just emotional. It was physical as well.
I'm still heartbroken over this. I had no idea anything could hurt so much. I'm going to start seeing a counsellor but it doesn't feel like enough. I haven't seen or spoken to my ex-husband since I moved out of our flat.
The only contact during the divorce was through our solicitors. He's dead to me and so is my sister. I haven't seen or spoken to my sister since shortly after I left my ex-husband and I never want to see her again.
She's dead to me. I don't think I'll ever heal from this. I'm fortunate my parents, my other sister and most of my family support me and have disowned my traitor sister and no longer have contact with her.
Anyone who tells me I should forgive her or chooses her over me gets removed from my life with no second chance. I don't ever want to hear anything about either one of them again.
From what my ex-husband's solicitor said during my divorce they (sister and ex-husband) plan to marry after she is granted a divorce. I haven't heard anything about either one of them since then. I try not to even think about either of them.
They were two of the people I loved most in the world and they did something that I'll never heal from. They are selfish and they destroyed me. Anyone who says I should get over this or forgive and forget has no idea what it is like.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s post:
Thank you for the update. You and your BIL are both making the best possible decision. You're right -- your ex and your ex-sister ARE horrible, selfish people. They hurt so many people!
Do whatever you can to protect your peace and mental health. I'm so sorry they did this to you. Honestly, I'd recommend blocking anyone who says you need to forgive them and move on. No, you don't.
You may at some point in the future need to explore forgiveness from the point of view of easing the weight on YOUR heart. But don't feel pressured to offer forgiveness to either of them. I wish you the best of luck in the future!!!
I wouldn't forgive them either, especially knowing they were sleeping together well before the marriage. He stood up there with her, her sister was probably beside her in the wedding party pregnant with his child... The depths of scumbaggery are low and the heights of entitlement are high.
I can’t imagine making it to 39 years of age not wanting children and not getting a vasectomy, especially while also raw-dogging a woman who already had a baby and clearly wanted a second.
That’s so amazingly stupid on so many levels, without even considering being married, her being 12 years younger and also married, her already having a kid whose life this will destroy, or it being the clearly idiotic sister of your wife.