Matron of Honor only charges bachelorette party guests for activities they attended, 'I should split it.' AITA?

"AITA for charging bachelorette party guests only for activities they attended?"

My sister, Sarah (34F) and I (38F) are the matrons of honor for our other sister, Kelly (37F) and recently planned her bachelorette party. Kelly lives in a big city in Washington, but decided to have her bachelorette party in Boston, which is the nearest big city to our home town, where Sarah and I still live.

The planning process was rough. Kelly’s friends from Washington continually tried to insert themselves into the planning process, with one girl even going so far as to send us an entire slide deck with the party completely outlined from activities to décor and extras.

Later, this girl even booked an event that was in direct conflict with one of the events that we had already booked without asking us. However, it is important to note that despite this level of intervening, these friends never once mentioned budget and in fact were continually suggesting unnecessary extras (e.g., “swag bags," costumes, décor).

The party arrived and everyone had a great time, but of course it’s when the bill arrives that things take a turn. We had a few large items that needed to be settled up after the fact - the Airbnb and a limo ride. For each item I divided it’s cost by the number of people that attended it (minus the bride of course) and then gave each girl a total based on the events she attended.

So, if someone did not sleep at the Airbnb but did come to the limo ride her bill would only be for her share of the limo ride. When the girls from Washington received this bill they were not pleased.

They believe that I should split the cost of all items evenly across all people that attended any event during the bachelorette, regardless if they attended that particular event, or if there was even room for them at that particular event.

So if someone did not sleep at the Airbnb but did do the limo ride, they would be billed for their share of the Airbnb and limo ride. They believe that this is even more justified because it reduces their bill and they had already incurred significant costs for flights.

They had also assumed that everyone in the group would be attending all events even though that was never discussed and makes zero sense, since if everyone slept at the Airbnb and did the limo ride we would have been over capacity in both cases and needed to upgrade to a more expensive option.

They also believe that as the matrons of honor we should incur additional costs as part of our matron of honor duties. They have sent me an amount of money using their methodology based on total estimates that they came up with for the costs of these items (not the actual receipts).

They also are not paying Sarah for the cost of their food at the Airbnb, believing it should be part of the additional costs that we incur as the matrons of honor. Should I have split costs across anyone who attended any event and taken on additional costs, AITA?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

rememberimapersontoo said:

ESH because it was actually dumb of every one of you not to agree on how to pay before this money was spent. they should definitely pay up but good luck getting it from them now.

Fast-Bag-3684 said:

NTA - that sounds like the fairest way. The only things I'll add is, if the AirBNB was used for hosting everyone, it would be fair to split that cost amongst everyone, even if they didn't technically sleep there.

Next time you should outline all of the costs up front. They may not have known that things like the food were going to be split, and may have chosen to eat other things / elsewhere if they knew.

[deleted] said:

Who plans a trip and doesn’t lay out the cost of things????? ESH.

camkats said:

YTA you should have discussed costs BEFORE the weekend. Everyone should have known up front how much it would be.

Right_Count said:

A soft YTA. This should have been discussed beforehand especially knowing some of the attendees were flying in. The way you did it makes sense on paper but really increased expenses for those who already had the burden of buying plane tickets.

If they didn’t know you would be splitting it this way, or that there would be a large number of people not sharing in some of the costs, they might have budgeted for much less than their final expense.

It doesn’t necessarily make more sense for those who didn’t use the airbnb or limo to pay for it. Or maybe it does, as a means of sharing the burden and being able to predict the final cost. Which is why this should have been hashed out in detail as early as possible to establish what everyone was able/willing to pay.

ParticularBanana9149 said:

Going with YTA. Guessing you and your sister did not stay at AirBnB because you are local and you don't want to pay for it (not stated, though). You also didn't pay for a flight. In their minds they are paying for the majority of it and they aren't wrong. If you were early 20's I would say it is a live and learn thing but by mid to late 30's you should know to discuss how you will split costs prior to the trip.