'I met the girl my husband is mentoring and now I feel insecure' AITA? + UPDATE
"I met the girl my husband is mentoring and now I feel insecure"
No-Information7959
Hello all. My husband works in a law firm and recently started mentoring a fresh new hire. He's an open book with me so he tells me everything that goes on in his work life, and asked if he could invite his mentee over for dinner and to meet our family.
I said yes, he's done this a couple of times in the past and brought to dinner freshly graduated guys and girls and we had always had pleasant evenings. We organize the date, and I meet this girl.
First thing, she was gorgeous. Like, drop dead gorgeous. Second, I learned she's and Harvard graduate and her father is a Senator. She was very polite and glad to meet me, but the more the evening went on the more I started feeling insecure. She couldn't stop gushing about my husband, how much she's learned from him, how awesome he is etc., which to be honest I agree with and feel proud.
But she also said things like now she understands "why they say behind every great man there's a great woman," that my husband always says great things about me and that I am even more beautiful than in the pictures my husband showed her.
At the end of evening, she said we are "exquisite people" and that she would like to meet again. I have been stewing on this for days. I don't know why, but I feel very insecure with this girl around. Not that I think my husband would cheat on me, I trust him wholeheartedly.
Bu, I caught her looking at my husband in a way I don't know I can describe, an expression that in my opinion screamed desire. That said, she gazed at me like that a couple of times too. She has these icy blue eyes, and the intensity of her stare was something that really put me off. I don't know what to make of it.
My husband noticed I am a bit off and enquired about the matter, but I reassured him I am just a bit tired as of late. I thought this sensation would pass, but it's still there and at this point I think I need to talk about this with him. I hope I don't come off as crazy or paranoid...
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's inital post:
Locoblanco966
You’re scared about her beauty and brains……..
No-Information7959 (OP)
Could be. Definitely I felt intimidated by her.
Locoblanco966
I got no indications that he’s cheating. Sounds like a normal thing he does.
No-Information7959 (OP)
I am not accusing him of cheating, and I don't think he ever would. It's something else that bothered me. I don't know, at times I feel like she was eating him with her eyes.
ayfakay
She’s being polite and sucking up to you. She’s looking at you both with admiration so your husband will tell the whole office how amazing she is and she’ll get rave reviews.
Sleep well at night knowing this 25yr old is just doing everything she can to get ahead in her career. Banging your husband would be a career ender, how many young single guys would be chasing her? Loads. And that won’t ruin her career too. She’s not gonna do that to herself.
Almost a month later, the OP returned with an update.
No-Information7959
Hello guys.
I wanted to update you all on my situation. Turned out my husband and this woman were really having an affair and we are getting divorced.
Nah, just kidding sorry.
What really happened was that after I read and re-read all the responses I had gotten, I thought on all of it, took some steps back and took a big breath. I didn't talk about this with my husband,but I took some time to self-care (picked back up yoga and paintings) while considering my next course of action.
I concluded the issue was all in my head, and perhaps I felt like I did because I wasn't tending to my marriage like I should have. I started putting in that little extra, getting more engaged about his going ons, taking him out on dinner dates and joining him on his hikes (much to his delight).
I also took care of myself, got a new hairstyle and color, and some new clothes. My husband had to pick up his jaw from the floor and was very... appreciative, and I admit this gave me kinda the ego boost.
Although I never said anything, I think he kind of picked up my feelings last month, because a couple of times, completely umprompted, told me how much he loves me, how I am the diamond of his life... felt good being reassured like that. So things are good between us and we are looking forward to an amazing Christmas.
As for the woman he's mentoring... the people who said she was "playing the dance" because she comes from a political family and saw her father doing it were right.
We got invited to dinner and her parents were exactly like their daughter, gushing all over us and how my husband is amazing to her, etc. So yeah, just politics and career. My husband admitted to me he is "courting" her father through the girl, because this could be the big break in his career.
Things are relaxed between me and the girl. She came over for dinner another time, and this time I was confident and reassured enough that I enjoyed her company and found her a very talented and intelligent young woman who will be going places.
I admit I still have some jealousy towards her, but I am using it to drive myself in my program of self-inprovement. I have some big plans to improve my life and perhaps change career, and I am sure my husband will be thrilled about it. That's it for now, wish me luck!
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's update:
mayerr1
Good luck OP. Glad everything worked out for the better!
Gotta admit, you got me with that first line. I was pissed for you.
No-Information7959 (OP)
Thanks, I just wanted to joke a bit lol. Real talk, I know my husband would never cheat on me.
AlternativePrior9559
Phew! Your opening paragraph had me going!! I was just about to go nuts on your behalf! I’m delighted that you’ve taken a step back and evaluated all of this OP. All the little changes you’ve made are amazing and I’m sure your husband appreciates them I hope you have a wonderful, passionate Christmas 😉
peter095837
It's a relief to hear where mature and growth occurs and the marriage works out well, unlike being a total mess.
pedanticlawyer
Having mentored first year attorneys, I can confirm that they can be as hot as possible and they are still like annoyingly non functional baby horses, just barely learning to stand. Nothing hot about having to redo their work and then patiently explain all the problems because you know it’s not their fault.