'AITA for going NC with MIL after she convinced my husband to ask for a paternity test because our baby looks too much like me?'
"AITA for going NC with MIL after she convinced my husband to ask for a paternity test because our baby looks too much like me?"
Sorry, this is gonna be a long one. And I apologize in advance for any spelling mistakes, English isn’t my first language. 4 months ago me (31f) and my husband «Mark» (32m) welcomed our first child, our daughter «Sophia».
Me and Mark have been together for 10 years, and married 6 years. Getting pregnant wasn’t exactly a walk in the park, we were trying for two years before it finally happened, and I miscarried four times during those years.
My parents died when I was 15 and I lived with my grandparents until I was 18 and started at college. My MIL has been like a mother to me and had been an amazing support ever since me and Mark got together.
She made dinners and called daily to check up on me after the miscarriages! When Sophia was born the first thing MIL did when she came to visit was to check up on how I was doing after the birth before focusing on Sophia. I remember thinking I had the best MIL anyone could ask for.
She was the first person we told about our pregnancy (at week 18), and she was over the moon about becoming a grandma. The first four weeks after we got home from the hospital she moved in with us to help out with Sophia.
She was so helpful and always made sure she didn’t overstep in any way. My MIL always talked about how Sophia was a mini version of me, and told everyone about how my daughter was a true copy of me.
Mark was in love with our little girl and did everything he could to help out. He came home early everyday to spend as much time as he could with Sophia and me. Everything seemed perfect, this was what we had wanted for so long.
All he could talk about was how perfect our little girl was and how much she looked like me. He even found some old pictures of me and made a photo collage of me and her as babies to put on the wall.
After my MIL moved home I think I saw her a couple of times, and would only speak to her if I called her. But tbh I didn’t think much of it as I was busy with being a mother. After the first two months Mark started getting more distant and coming home late.
He started to spend a lot of time at his mothers house as he said she needed help with some renovations in her house. I appreciated all the help MIL had given us so I decided to not complain about it, even though I was exhausted from never getting a hour to myself anymore.
Right after Sophia turned 3 months Mark came home and said we needed to talk. He sat me down and told me he wanted a paternity test, because his mother thinks our child looked too much like me and nothing like him.
My jaw was on the floor and I felt something inside me break. He doubled down with saying he agreed with Sophia looking like me and nothing like him and that MIL had told him I probably cheated with someone who has some of the same features as me.
MIL claims that their family genes are super strong and Sophia should have some of Marks features if she was his. After he was done talking I couldn’t get a word out I just started crying.
It feels like the biggest betrayal that they both accuse me of cheating, and the reason being my daughter looks too much like me?? He told me he was sorry but his mother got into his head and he couldn’t let it go, and it was constantly on his mind.
I just felt defeated by the whole situation and agreed to the paternity test. Although I told him that when the test came back telling Sophia is his daughter, I wanted nothing to do with MIL. And we would have to start couple counseling if there was any hope at all for this relationship to be saved.
Fast forward to now, the test came back a week ago, and surprise surprise, she is his daughter. He had this look of relief, before the guilt and panic hit him and he started to apologize to me over and over again.
I told him he needed to tell his mother and then tell her we needed a break from her. Surprisingly he was all for it and I could hear him yelling at her for making him doubt me and telling her we didn’t want any contact for a while.
Mark blocked her number after hanging up so she started to call and text me. It switched from that she was sorry, and I was a horrible for not seeing it from her point of view and taking away her family. I blocked her too, but some of his extended family has messaged both Mark and me calling us cold hearted ah for cutting MIL out the way we have.
I have started to doubt my decision, thinking I was too harsh after being hurt. Maybe I made a mistake by distancing ourselves from MIL, after all she was just looking out for her only son. So, AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Your MIL may be a problem but ultimately your husband went along with it and that is a much much bigger problem.
Yeah hes not innocent. Especially after all her miscarriages and need for support????? Holy crap. I could never.
NTA, but you really need to hold your husband accountable, not just MIL. She might have brought it up, but he ran with it. After years of trying for a baby, he accused you of getting pregnant from an affair, passing off the baby as his, and planning to lie to him for the rest of your life.
Personally I wouldn't be able to stay married to someone who suddenly thought so little of me just because of something his mommy said. If you can get past it, you're probably a better person than I am.
If I was you I would’ve had divorce papers ready to hand him right after he saw the results of the paternity test. And even if I decided to keep his sorry ass around for the sake of my daughter, I’d be done with that MIL. It is highly likely that a little girl is going to end up looking like her mom! NTA.
Can you imagine if this was before DNA testing? Husband would be convinced by his mom that OP cheated, the kid wasn't his, and that would be it. OP would be known as the unfaithful wife for the rest of her life! MIL is a jerk..