'AITA for cutting off my MIL after she made a joke about sabotaging our birth control?' UPDATED
"AITA for cutting off my MIL after she made a joke about sabotaging our birth control?"
I, 38F, have been togheter with my husband "James" for 4 years. We are both childfree and do not intend to have kids in the future. When we first got married, we both told our family about how we didn't want to have kids and why.
My family was fine with it, but his wasn't. Especially my MIL, who I'll call Mary for privacy. She's either passive aggressive or just tells us we'll change our mind soon. For example, telling us ," I can't wait to be a grandma," despite us not wanting children.
If we try to say otherwise , she just pretends not to hear us. I've been very uncomfortable with this and I have told my husband multiple times, but he's just brushed it off by saying she'll accept it someday.
However, it reached a limit. Recently, James was hosting a dinner party and invited his family as well as mines. While we were eating, my MIL "jokingly" said, " You know OP, I've considered poking holes into you and Jame's [birth control] so I could be a grandma. It's so smart, and you'd never know !" Before laughing. I was horrified.
After that, I excused myself and left the house. James followed after me, saying I was being dramatic and it was a joke. I told him that it wasn't a joke and what would happen if she actually did it?
We kept arguing for a bit before he stormed back into the house and I drove off in my car. I've blocked my MIL on all social media and deleted her number. The whole family is furious at me now, calling me sensitive and paranoid. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
She said this in front of everyone at dinner? No, no, no, no, no. NTA.
This isn’t just “no, no, no”, it’s 🚩🚩🚩 The a^%$ole apple didn’t fall far from the a*(^%le tree. Four years of not supporting OP by standing up to his mom, setting clear boundaries and enforcing them? And this last time, instead of ripping his mom a new one, James calls OP dramatic, and dismisses it as a joke.
OP, you’re the only one in this marriage that doesn’t want kids. The spineless mama’s boy you married is falling in line with mommy’s wishes and playing the slow game with you
It’s an easily fixable situation OP, tell hubby to get the snip. His reaction will tell you why he won’t shut his mumma down…
It's my husband who refuses to get a procedure done. I've already offered to get my tubes tied and other procedures, but he says he's not ready yet and doesn't want me to get surgery either until we're both ready("we're" referring to him because I'm only waiting on him right now).
He wants kids.
The next day OP came back with this update:
Thank you for all the support! Hi guys,I thought I'd give you a update. So after everything that happened, last night I had a talk with my husband about how I want him to take a deeper step into his commitment of being childfree.
I've also told h unless he gets a vasectomy or similar procedure, I will not be [intimate] with him. I want him to do this to prove he can stand up to his mother and that he is just as childree as I am, but honestly I've doubted that after posting the first story. (not in a rude way of course.)
My husband told me that still, he wasn't ready yet and that I was moving too fast. And, by asking him to "stand" up to his mother, I was basically asking him to disrespect her for my sake.
So then, I just asked him if he wanted kids or not, and to stop beating around the bush because I will divorce him and dissappear like the wind if he doesn't. That finally got him to open his mouth, and he told me that he did want kids and was just secretly hoping for a either a accident or me changing my mind, like how most of you guys in the comments predicted.
But what really shocked me is that he told me he was already considering tampering with our birth control(condoms)before , but he just hadn't found it in him to do it yet. So now, it makes sense why he only wanted to use condoms for our BC......
After that, I simply said that as of now, this marriage is over and I will filing a divorce as fast as possible . And, I made sure to tell him that whatever possible child I could've had would never be in his grasp to see him, especially my MIL. He tried to protest, but I was firm on leaving .
Honestly, he was pretty much planning baby trap me. Nice try, but not here honey. As of now, I'm currently staying at my sister's house. Soon, I'm going to try and find a lawyer for a divorce. But I do know that I can't ever go back in that house with him in it, or my MIL. This entire event has left me very shaken and worried.
Here's what people had to say after the update:
I have a 37 year old son , unmarried no kids. I don’t care if I had grandchildren or not. I want him to live his life and be happy. I have 3 chihuahuas I baby . I don’t get people who lie, and try to do you and others who want to remain childless. It is like their self worth is about having children. I think they need to know and be content with themselves.
Well done! Well f__^@g done, OP. Some people are just cancer on two legs, and we need to cut them out of our lives.
Or in OP’s case, she removed a cancer with 4 arms, 4 legs, 2 heads and bodies, but only 1 spine. Well done and - just to be on the safe side - maybe take a couple of pregnancy tests (although, since the MiL had her son’s balls the entire time this might not be necessary)
Ugh. He and his mother deserve each other. They’re both repulsive. I know it’s hard, but wishing you a very best. Good luck and hugs from an Internet stranger. 🫶🏻