Fiancée gets 'paranoid' when MIL refuses to share what she'll be wearing to wedding. AITA?
"AITA for implying my fiancée is paranoid for thinking my mom is going to wear white to our wedding, and not wanting to have a talk with my mom?"
No-Ganache-6455
I am currently two months from being married to the love of my life "Claire" i dont think my mom is a big fan of her or vice versa, but this isn't some crazy MIL story. My mom hasn't done anything. It is just a tense awkward feeling when they are both together.
Claire admits to not liking my mom and to sharing my suspicion that my mom doesn't like her. I watch carefully for any actual disrespect, but unfortunately I can't make them like each other.
Claire is upset because my mom doesn't have her dress yet. All of Claire's family and friends are over the moon about this wedding, and MIL has had her dress picked for months and even had a big shopping day with Claire.
My mom keeps saying she hasn't had time yet which has been stressing Claire, as she is a huge perfectionist who hates leaving anything until the last moment. Claire admits she has been super stressed and wedding obsessed lately.
She recently came to me and said she was concerned my mom wanted to wear white. I asked why and she said because "why else wouldn't she have a dress yet" I pointed out that we all know my mom is lazy, and a touch selfish.
When she says she is too busy we both know she means skiing and hanging out with her boyfriend, not actually busy, but she has done nothing to indicate she would show up like that. She's a pretty chill person and hasn't done anything to Claire.
Claire said I was implying she was paranoid. I said I felt the wedding stress was getting to her. She admitted it was, but asked if I would talk to my mom. I said sure, I would remind her that she needs to get her dress.
Claire asked if I would specifically talk to her about the fear of wearing white. I thought about it for a minute and said I wasn't comfortable doing that when she has given us no reason to think she would.
Claire got annoyed and said she was being a horrible future mother-in-law by not having her dress and I need to stop worrying about my mom's feelings and worry more about hers. That made me feel like garbage, because up until this point I felt I have only been prioritizing her feelings.
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
Ready_Tank_7463
Let’s be real. MiL doesn’t need to be reminded not to wear white. She already knows the etiquette and if she’s planning to breech it, she will do it with or without a reminder. “Ohhh you only said not to wear WHITE! This dress is IVORY!”
But if you want the civil solution:
Initiate a chat with your mom that appears helpful, not lecturing. Like “any luck on the dress yet? I thought I’d shoot you pics of the other dresses in case that’s helpful!
The bridesmaids are in this color. Claire’s mom is wearing this. If you don’t want to be “matchy matchy” you should stay away from that color! Oh and of course no shades of white haha!”
NamasteVibeMama
Just here to say my MIL was fully planning to wear a white lace gown to our wedding until my husband(fiancé at the time) explained why she definitely should pick another colour. Oh and apparently “all the sales ladies and her friend” at the shop also thought nothing of this. It still baffles me since my MIL is very proper that she had no clue this was frowned upon.
And we got along great at the time, she even insisted on buying my dress for me as my mother had passed. I tried to decline multiple times but she insisted to the point I felt I could not say no, and instead said thank you.
frankbeans82
I don't think you're an asshole, but tell your mom to stop procrastinating and get a dress. It's your mom, you need to address it.
Igottime23
Don't be surprised by the call Claire makes to you Mom. You say you know your Mom is selfish and then backtrack to Claire being paranoid. Do you know your wife should be the most important woman in your life?
Just call your Mom and ask her about her dress and give your fiancee some peace. If you have to take her shopping and get it done. You would rather your fiancee suffer so you don't have to upset your "lazy and selfish" Mommy. YTA.
Trick_Delivery4609
NTA for this dress question.
Y T A for not figuring out what is going on between your mom and your fiancee. Instead of burying your head in the sand, communicate. Ask your mom why she has issues with her. Clear the air.
JazzyKnowsBest13
NTA. Claire can chill out or continue to work herself into a frenzy, her choice. If you tell your mother that she needs to buy a dress ASAP because she has surpassed Claire’s made up deadline for a MIL to purchase a MOG dress, you will be contributing to the animosity between them.
If you “remind” mom that she shouldn’t chose a white dress or something that looks bridal, you will be contributing to the animosity between them. You can assure Claire that when your mother chooses a dress, you’ll let her know and that if mom shows up in something inappropriate at the wedding, you’ll send her home to change.
Glittering-Tree-9287
Just a thought that perhpas this wedding isn’t living rent free in mom’s mind like it does Claire’s ( understandable for Claire) and she doesn’t lay awake nights worried about what dress she’ll wear and that’s why one hasn’t been bought yet. Unless she has some legitimate reason for this worry she needs to let it go. Two months is still a lot of time.