'MIL obsessed with my weight on my wedding day and created an atmosphere all day.' AITA?
"MIL obsessed with my weight on my wedding day and created an atmosphere all day."
I regret having my MIL at our wedding. She makes everything about her. We had considered eloping or heading to Vegas alone so that that day would be about us and not other people. But we ended up having a small ceremony at the council offices with only 6 guests, then a small party with close friends and neighbours at our house in the evening.
I'm 18 weeks pregnant and my MIL could not stop talking about my weight. I've only put on a few pounds, but why does it matter anyway? I bought my dress last year before I got pregnant so of course it had to be adjusted with lacing at the back.
But she would. Not. Stop. Talking. About how "shocked" she was that I have "put on as much weight as she has". Every damn time I walked past her, she's taking to someone else about my dress and how much it had to be let out.
I plan to reuse the dress next summer when we have a blessing and can celebrate with everyone who didn't make it this time. The day after our wedding I overhear my mum and MIL talking about my weight again.
They were having a serious debate about whether or not I would lose baby weight in time to wear it again, and how "shocked" they were about how much I've supposedly gained. My husband shouted over to them to be nice.
Later on MIL said to my husband that she wasn't being mean, but he told her she was, there was no reason to fixate on my weight and that I am perfectly healthy. She said I shouldn't be so sensitive and he wiped the floor with her telling her she needs to look at herself and not blame me for being hurt by comments she made.
She always needs to be right, and to be the centre of attention. No matter what the topic of conversation is, and regardless of who she is talking to, she will have an issue, argue, and then go moody and quiet when people disagree. Even when the topic is a well known fact, if she isn't seen to be right she will throw a fit and cause and atmosphere.
We wanted a small wedding so it wasn't too overwhelming but it was only her who made it overwhelming. My husband gets annoyed and will call her out on her BS, but she argues back which creates an atmosphere.
That was exactly why I was wary of having her there, I didn't want my husband to be annoyed and on guard for her BS all day on his wedding day, but that's exactly what happened.
She tried to steal the leftover cupcakes from the party though me and my husband hadn't had any. She monopolised his time making demands so he couldn't enjoy himself. She told us we were rude for not letting my brother, who had fallen asleep, stay at our house ON OUR WEDDING NIGHT, when he was booked into a hotel around the corner.
We are rude and horrible people for waking him up when the taxi arrived. The next morning we had family round, and she complained that we didn't have a cooked breakfast ready for when she arrived. I am so thankful she lives in another country, I genuinely don't know how I would cope after giving birth if she was closer.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s post:
The next time your MIL brings up your weight start talking to her as if she's talking about HER weight.
MIL: "I just can't believe how much weight you've gained."
You (deliberately misunderstanding): "Aw MIL don't be so hard on yourself. I barely noticed the extra weight on you."
Maybe a little forced empathy will make her understand why you don't talk about people's weight.
Your MIL is unforgivably rude. Your husband needs to have a serious talk with her regarding her behavior at the wedding, not shouting, but sitting down or texting calmly that this is not tolerable, and that she will not be invited to future events (baby shower, birthdays, etc) if this is the way she chooses to act, and he (not you).needs to follow through on this. Access to you/your baby is a privilege, not a right.
I’m sorry that you had to deal with that on your wedding day. That was rotten of her. Do you know if she plans on coming when you give birth? Both of our moms were so bossy and controlling at our wedding that I refused to allow them to fly out and stay with us when we had children.
They were not happy with that, but I didn’t care and the birth of our kids was about me, my husband, and the kids…as it should be. She will ruin this for you if she can.
Good thing your DH has spine! What a-hole speaks of pregnant/postpartum lady’s weight? It’s there for a reason. What a-hole speaks of BRIDE’s weight? It’s her happy day, not her audition-as-Twiggy-body-double day. May she shove her words somewhere nobody will find them.
Start talking about crows feet, joules, and turkey neck. Don’t directly call her out on anything but mention new creams you’ve seen online that she might find “helpful” for those issues.
Do that for anything you think she may be sensitive about. Again, don’t poke fun or mention it beforehand. Just matter-of-factly offer solutions that you’ve seen that made you think she would like.
You should plan for her to want or try to move closer to you after your baby is born. Come up with a plan now so that you and your husband are prepared when/if it does happen. Congrats on your wedding & pregnancy!