'MIL sent her flying monkey (SIL) to try to plant seeds in my husband to divorce me. Again.'
"MIL sent her flying monkey (SIL) to try to plant seeds in my husband to divorce me. Again."
Well, I'm back. DH had a few conversations with SIL over the last couple of months and it seemed like she was finally starting to see our side and even said the beautiful phrase, "well, mom and dad have to realize that being a grandparent is a privilege, not a right". But then she talked to MIL again and now she's right back on their side of twisted reality.
During that conversation, SIL said that MIL called her "in tears" since my DH didn't tell her that his best friend's sister passed away (in previous post) and MIL had tried to guilt trip him for not telling her and DH told her off that her death was not about MIL and it wasn't his place to tell her. (It was a tragic death that would've been unfortunate gossip for MIL. She's vile.)
Anyway, SIL went on and on about how MIL was super upset and came to the assumption that of course it was MY fault and that DH didn't tell her because she thinks I forced him not to tell her so I wouldn't have to see her at the funeral.
Little do they know that I didn't even go because I had just found out I was pregnant and was not feeling well. But they still assume that I went to the funeral and it was my devious plan to not have them come out of spite.
That's not the case, though. DH just didn't want to tell her because MIL had been giving him the silent treatment for almost 2 months and he really felt like it wasn't his place.
And I was going to go, but last minute I didn't because I truly was not feeling well and had to watch our toddler anyway. I have since unfortunately had a miscarriage and I think they know about it from a mutual friend of ours but they haven't cared enough to say anything to DH about it.
Honestly, they're probably upset that we didn't tell them I was pregnant in the first place, but MIL already knows I wouldn't tell her until the 2nd trimester of any future pregnancy because she told everyone I was pregnant when I was 4 weeks with my first son almost 3 years ago and I was livid because we had asked her not to share with ANYONE until we shared it at the 2nd trimester.
She then gaslit and told me that I said she could tell everyone but I definitely didn't and DH was my witness...I told her back then that she lost the privilege of being the first to know in the future, but anyway that's besides the point.
Then comes the cherry on top - MIL told SIL that the reason she had "had enough of me" was because I was "crap talking DH and our relationship and so MIL stood up for him." Ummm, that never happened and is a complete lie!!! She is absolutely mental to make something like that up. Lol!
First of all, I would NEVER talk to MIL about our issues, let alone crap talk about DH. And second of all, I don't even really have issues with him! The biggest issue I have is that he doesn't clean enough or do laundry lol.
There's really nothing for me to "crap talk" about because my DH is an awesome and kind human being. Neither of us are perfect, but we do a pretty damn good job communicating and getting past things on our own and quickly, in the same conversation, and we can both admit when we're wrong and apologize, which is more than I can say about MIL!
Neither of us grew up that way, so we had to learn that together as a couple, and it's been incredibly healing. And I also genuinely don't talk badly about people.
At allllll.
It's totally against my character or who I am as a person, so it really pisses me off that she continues to tells everyone untrue things about me and my character and that she is STILL trying to plant a seed in him to divorce me (this isn't the first time, and she has tried to get ME to break up with him multiple times over the last 7 years because she said that "he's not good enough for me"...what?!) but of course it didn't work.
I honestly think she's just jealous that I married DH and she didn't...LOL! (Side note: this woman wore white to my wedding and scream/cried that I "took her baby boy away from her" in her wedding speech. Classy lady she is.)
There was a lot of other things that SIL said that MIL obviously fed to her, and SIL kept saying "I hope you see who she really is and what's going on her and how she's controlling you and the family by keeping you and LO away from us." (I have ALWAYS told DH he can have whatever relationship with them that he wants, but he doesn't want to because they are awful to me!)
I guess they just naturally assume it's my fault, because of course it is... Boy, did DH let her have it...I hope SIL passed along every word to MIL because DH didn't hold anything back and it was beautiful. So proud of him.
DH said last time he spoke with MIL a few weeks ago, she said they're "over it and love OP and they just want to move past everything." But I don't know how I'm supposed to move past all their BS...nor do I want to or want that around my son or future children.
I really didn't do anything but not allow visitors the first day we got home from hospital (which was a joint decision from me and DH but of course it's me controlling everyone in their minds...) and we set healthy boundaries and not tolerate being treated like crap anymore.
DH is the one who stood up for me every time, but they all see that as me brainwashing him and controlling him for having a mind of his own. How ironic since she's the one trying to do the brainwashing and controlling but it doesn't work. I'm glad DH can see past it but it is still so frustrating. Bless my man and his shiny spine! 😊
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Over it and wants to move past it is code for she’s going to be fake nice to you because she wants a relationship with your husband/kids and then little by little she’ll revert completely back to the same behavior because you’re the villain in her story. Once a MIL decides you’re the villain, you’ll always be the villain. I’m sorry and I hate it for you.
Primary_Cantaloupe51 (OP)
Exactly. Well, she’s the villain in mine 😅 apparently I’m the only one not afraid of her wrath. I finally got to the point where I had no more effs to give. She doesn’t have access to me or my child because of her behavior and that’s just too bad…for her lol. She had every chance in the world and she blew it every time 🤷🏼♀️
It's awful that MIL and SIL have this continued campaign of trying to make you put to be the evil villain puppet mastering your husband. I really feel for you. But it's heartbreaking the lack of respect they have for their son/brother, imagining at every turn that he's so brainless that he can be controlled in such a way.
I mean this is his Mom and his Sister and they don't even see him as a full human being with personal autonomy. Take good care of each other and enjoy the moments of peace you can grab amongst this toxicity.
Your sister in law was NEVER on your side even when she 'seemed' to understand where you were coming from. Dont try anymore with any of them. Your husband can do whatever he wants but don't you want mental peace for yourself?
Drop the rope, stop waiting for them to see you for who you are because it will never happen. So many of us in this sub kept trying for the sakes of our children, our spouses and ourselves. We are still here because our justnos will cling to their deeply flawed beliefs about us. Protect yourself and protect your child. I wish you luck, you don't deserve this and it is not your fault.
Primary_Cantaloupe51 (OP)
I know. Well she used to be one of my best friends (she actually introduced me to DH). I’m not trying to get them back in our lives at all, really. I have talked to them twice in the past year and a half and the last time was over a year ago. It’s my DH that is open to a relationship some day but even he has a micro glimmer of hope/no hope at all because he know they won’t change.
IMO MIL/SIL are projecting their feelings, desires, actions onto you because they can’t/won’t believe that anyone would choose to feel/want/act differently [than they do]. Keep living your best life.
Continue to communicate with your SO and plan and live the life that works best for your family (SO, OP, LOs now and in the future). I truly believe that what people put out comes back to them. The negativity that MIL and SIL sow is what they will reap. So, if you must think of them try to do so with compassion because unless they change they will never experience the joys that you and your family experience.