Bride says MOH 'isn't pretty enough,' sparking chain of events ending engagement. Updated 5X
"WIBTAH If I Step Down From Being MOH to my Brother's Wedding After My Future SIL Implied I Will Ruin It Because I'm Not as Pretty as I was in my 20s?"
ShesChoaticGood6599
Look my brother (M38) "Aaron" is super smart bookwise but can be a fool when it comes to affairs of the heart. I am not mad at him about this and I don't want to hurt him but... "Heather" (F27) is sith lord of a woman, powerful, manipulative, and ugly underneath their masks.
It sucks more because I introduced them. Heather and I (F32), met playing DND and we stayed in touch after that group disbanded. She met Aaron at my birthday party and they dated in secret for a year before telling me and our mutual friends.
They got engaged at my next birthday party and he asked me to be his Best Woman (a female best man) because he and I have always been incredibly close and Heather frowned at him and said that was ridiculous and I obviously should be her MOH since we're friends and a female and "woman go on the bride's side".
The moment became awkward and I told them I am happy to stand for them on either side because at the end of the day it's about them as a couple, not the individuals, and whatever they wanted worked. I'm an idiot.
I can list in great detail all the disturbances in the Force that should've told me she was far more trouble than she was worth even if she were encrusted in diamonds but my brother had been deliriously happy and I rolled a 1 on Insight I guess.
The shortlist of problems was that Heather assumed the MOH is also the wedding planner, Point of Contact to the Bride, Free Make Up Artist, and pays for the bridesmaid dresses and the bachelorette party.
I compromised by committing to doing the make up for free (I did modeling in my 20s and know how to make due), help plan the wedding with her and my brother, but could not financially pay for the dresses she wanted(I would pay for mine but not the others) AND the party.
So I offered to do one and she picked the dresses (the more expensive) and I paid it without complaint. She had all the bridesmaids except for me pay for the whole bachelorette trip (even those who couldn't come) but blasted me in the group chat about it.
Like apologizing for the cost of the trip "...since OP's not financially contributing" which led to the girls asking me how and why I ended up not paying anything. Things like that kept happening.
I am going to pause here and say my brother is a Senior Staff Engineer at a huge tech company and teaches programming at a huge school, so he makes plenty of money. When I asked my brother why he wasn't helping pay for stuff at the wedding he looked incredibly puzzled and asked what I meant.
I immediately shut up realizing I stepped in it and he said Heather insisted she pay for her "half" of the wedding and they joint pay the joint parts (cake, venue, etc) to say to her "haters" she's not marrying him for his money. I know I am the AH for stepping in that one, I admit.
There's more but I don't want this to be a novel so I will jump to the part I might be moral AH for. I hosted the bridesmaids and Heather at a "planning party" she wanted and we sat, working on odds and ends and drinking LOTS of wine, when one of the girls, "Amber" (F20) asked if she can change her hair color.
Her own wedding is coming up and she got a long waitlisted spot with a salon on her wishlist to dye her hair and she wanted to go red. (for a note I am black and use weave to shade and style my hair in crimson red twists) Amber said she would want about my shade and that it complimented my skin tone.
Heather chuckled a bit at that and I kind of looked at her like "what?" and she said that it was fine and she's no bridezilla but she would prefer only one of us look that tacky.
I felt hurt as Heather knew me before I went red year's ago and back then told me how great I looked and that I glowed and now I'm tacky? I asked her if she meant it that way and she shrugged and said "it's about the people, not how good they look" she said.
I didn't get it and the other girls started chiming in and Heather just said "Oh my GOD calm down I didn't mean anything wrong. I won't let OP ruin my wedding entirely. It's really okay. We all are going to start looking different in our 30s" etc.
I was the oldest of all the girls there and I kinda chuckles it away and said Heather was the one who gives me compliments on how much I still look young and like I did when I did fashion modeling (nothing big just commercials and small local runways as it once was my dream to be like on Victoria's secret or whatever lmao) and she snorted something like "You can't do runway now and you know it."
Ok. At this point I flat out asked her if she had something to say to me and she said that since I had been so "sensitive" about her asking me to do things (be wedding planner, paying for the party etc) for her wedding she didn't want to bring it up but she wanted me to change my look back to "When you were so pretty like when we met."
That meant going back to my natural light brown hair, losing weight (I am 5'7 and 120lbs), and wearing shapwear to fit in a smaller dress. Then she said "look at these lovely ladies, right? It would mean a lot to me if you all could shine up there."
I said that was hurtful and I liked how I look now. I had lots of body issues trying for that dream in my 20s and skipped meals, drank too much and worse, and hated my body. Now I do have curves and I LOVE them. I offered to wear a wig for the wedding if my hair color was an issue and she just got quiet and changed the subject.
To keep from everyone watching me get upset I just shook the wine bottle and laughed something about it getting empty and saying I was going to the kitchen to get a fresh bottle.
Heather was there after a couple minutes and started saying "Hey you know I love you no matter how you look, babe" and I just shot "But I look tacky?" and she shrugged and said that's why she didn't want to ask me, she knew I wouldn't focus on anything other than "perceived sleights". I handed her the new wine bottle to bring in and I stepped outside to calm down.
It's still on my mind. The wedding is this Summer and I am kicking myself for being sensitive. It's messing with my head. Now I can't even dream of standing up in front of everyone we all know in a bright dress (the MOH dress is a different color and cut than the other bridesmaids) the way I am.
But a part of me thinks I am letting her under my skin and should not worry about how I look. I don't want to be MOH regardless though - WIBTAH if I step down? I don't even know what I would tell my brother.
Edit: couple of FAQ's and things I didn't think to add.
Brother has a prenup. It wasn't really a trust thing but he just figured it would be there for them to point at and rebuff he rumors that she is with him for money and I am told she enthusiastically agreed.
She does not have a full-time job - she works retail and does some theatre work at my job as an actor. She lives with her sister and sister's spouse in the city as she is in school (she took a few years gap from high school to college). Her sister is kinda how we met as she is part of my gaming group.
I do not work in software not do I make a lot of money compared to my brother. I am single and live alone and make okay money in nonprofit theatre to survive. Aaron and I don't have any other family. We've been each others family after I came out as bisexual and our grandfather disowned me.
Aaron went no contact out of support for me. We are also not biological siblings as Aaron is adopted and I am "miracle" baby. Our dad walked out when I was a kid and our mom passed away when I was a teen.
The OP then provided some more context.
"Update: Background Info"
ShesChoaticGood6599
Happy weekend, everyone. I was shook at how much my notifications blew up more than the death star - bear with me as I sort through everything because it's a lot and I had a lot of wine last night stress drinking and today I am slightly paying for that lol I'm dyslexic but will do my best here and try take my time.
First, some background that came up in the comments. Some of you called it but yes, I suffer from an abusive relationship myself. He doesn't even deserve a nerdy fun name so we will just call him Jeff.
Jeff was emotionally and physically harmful to me and encroauged my dieting in my 20s constantly calling me fat etc (and that was him being nice). Whenever I tried to leave he would either intimate or gaslight me or both.
The short of it is: Aaron finally figure out what was happening as I had gone so low contact with him and let's just say you wouldn't like Aaron when he's angry. Jeff is so far in my rearview one would think he's a mirage.
Also I finally watched all the recordings Sofia sent Aaron and I. They are just snippets that she never posted due to lighting/noise/or something being said that she didnt want on the internet but with Heather somewhere in it or heard in the background.
Not all of it was her hurling insults at me as some are from outings I could not attend and she put down others. I mentioned before Sofia is close to both Aaron and I and we have sibling-like love for one another and also that Sofia is gay.
One video is just Sofia holding her phone down as Heather explains why Sofia's girlfriend can't be at the wedding. You guessed it, Heather checked the homophobe box. She just hit bigot bingo. I am so embarrassed I ever thought she was my friend.
Many other videos were Heather's putdowns to me. Sofia even managed to get the "tacky" convo from the point after Heather called me tacky the first time on. There is much more to add I will put another update on with what happened last night.
After that, the OP provided an update.
"Update: My brother knows everything now."
ShesChoaticGood6599
I immediately got comments saying the similar thing that I would be the AH to not tell my brother the truth. It was devastating and I admit some of the comments were worded in a way that really hurt.
But at the end of the day I was asked if I was okay with Aaron marrying a person who will hurt him and something in my brain clicked. I love my brother more than anything and I realize now I was being spineless and selfish to not come to him with this.
From the beginning of me being MOH Heather monopolized my time. I can pinpoint exact moments I was slowly pushed out of regular contact with Aaron. If I was not working, or doing my side gigs, all my time was on the phone with her or footing the bill at dinners and lunches with her over the wedding.
Someone mentioned that she was trying to keep me and Aaron from spending time and I realize they were right. Anytime I called him and she was there she would take the phone to talk wedding stuff etc. I would be so worn out at the end of my days I wouldn't even reply to texts. I feel so stupid.
I was a coward and so afraid of losing my only family I forgot to be family to him and that's hard to even type but it's true. Aaron called me early, apparently a bridesmaid who was at my house the night I mentioned in my last post, "Sofia" (F26) who is one of our good friends apparently suggest he reach out to me and when he asked why she didn't say.
I didn't realize but I have been miserable since that party at my house. I didn't know how much I seemed off. It was brought to my attention how "far out" I seemed in public and how withdrawn I've been in general.
Aaron called and asked if I was alright. "I know the wedding is stressful, Heather has been a wreck..." and I snapped and just started crying and hung up. He was at my place within the hour and I told him everything. I don't remember seeing him so mad in my life. I am skipping a bunch to be brief.
He asked me how much I spent on the wedding and I just handed him my phone with my bank app and the bridesmaid chat all open and he scrolled and asked me why I would not mention this to him. I explained and he shook his head. He wrapped me in a hug and told me not to worry and ordered us food.
After he left Sofia texted me and Aaron in a new group chat with the three of us some recordings from when she was making tiktoks and the like in various bridesmaid events with Heather in the background and nothing more.
I saw it indicated Aaron saw it but he hasn't said anything yet other than (I will use a fake name for myself as I have the others) "Francesca, turn off your phone if you can. I will drop by tonight." I put my phone on Do Not Disturb and am on my couch drinking and waiting.
Quick random update: I am a bottle of wine in so forgive my dyslexia I am doom scrolling Reddit and Facebook and Heather has blocked me on Facebook and through an app for my texts I can see she's texted many times. I have opened nothing and won't until Aaron arrives.
In the meantime I am truly in (good) tears over your support and advice. I was never a strong person ( that was our mom) but you and my friends make me feel strong and I cannot express my gratitude. I will update when I can but it may be tomorrow as I am passing that line of tipsy into more than tipsy lol. But seriously. Thank you all so much. 💜
2nd Update: My Venmo popped up and Heather's sister "Haley" just sent me money...
...no description on it. Just a bride emoji?
Also Aaron says he is on the way.
As I am on Facebook I am seeing more of the girls in the bridal party in different chats having issues with Heather. I am more of an Insta/Twitter gal so never even saw it. I am messaging them back now.
Then, another update came through from the OP.
"Update: Ding Dong the Witch is 💀"
ShesChoaticGood6599
By the time Aaron got back to my place, I was less tipsey and more wine drunk. He looked at me and said I needed to lay off the Celestial Absinth (DND joke). He looked exhausted.
I apologized as I felt I had imploded his life and he snapped at me something like "Dont you dare apologize for telling me the truth ever." and went on about how hurt he was I never told him about any of it.
I apologized and he reminded me of Jeff and how bad things could have gone if he hadn't figured out what Jeff was doing to me. I suffered and silence and things could have escaleted and he could have lost me.
I am all he has and he would never have forgiven me or himself. I told him he was right and from now on no lies and no secrets between us. He made me pinky swear, like we did when we were kids.
He then told me what happened. He got to his house and listened to every single one of the recordings. He had sent himself items and screenshots from my phone including all the payments he could find of what I spent and calculated it.
He wrote me a check and the total is staggering. I don't know if everyone is like this but sometimes it is hard to keep a running tally on a specific expense over time if you just spend a little here and a little there over a year. But let's just say the check will replenish my lost savings and then some.
He then called Heather over under the guise of wanting to have dinner with her. When she arrived he was sitting in his living room and acting casual. He was recording the whole conversation on his computer nearby where he teaches tech.
So the audio was perfect when he played it back to me except for when Heather was moving about his house doing things here and there in other rooms as she talked to him, but he stayed on the couch by the desk.
He was casual and asked about the wedding planning she lamented how much there was to do but how excited she was. He asked about me "How is Francesca doing? I haven't been able to catch up with her."
Heather said something about how she is trying to "coach" me on being a MOH but that it's fine as she just wants him to be happy and have his adoptive sister in the wedding. Aaron and I never use the word adoptive.
He is simply my brother. Adopted or no. I never knew she used that term when I wasn't around. I can't quite pin it down as to why (there's nothing wrong with him being adopted or anything) but it just didnt sit well with me.
He kept it chill asking her questions he already knew answers to and she clearly would lie to him. He brought up the money and maybe he should contribute since he does make more and he doesn't mind - that's when the big lies happened.
She claimed to have worked many shifts and saving a lot of money and the like to pay for her "half" - then she blamed me on the super expensive bridesmaid dresses claiming I made a big deal about not looking my best in the much more affordable dresses she had wanted etc but made it out like she compromised by yielding to what I wanted.
Even though it was more expensive. I am making this really short but she made me out to be this diva and would imply how I must talk him into buying me expensive things. And that the bachelorette was going to be her biggest expense because I am a city girl and would not stand for a small dinner which is what Heather wanted. (absolute Wookie poo poo but whatever)
Aaron toyed around a little longer before saying "Hey you should come listen to this" and started playing some of the videos. You can hear Heather saying things like "who is that?" "that sounds like me but that's not me" but he kept playing them until she just goes "what is this about?"
He said he knew the truth and is giving her the chance to tell him the truth. She pretended she didnt know what he meant and Aaron just said "Allow me to be very clear, I know you've been lying to me. So tell me the truth."
She started crying and asking why he's doing this to her and asked what she did to deserve this and he got angry. He stated lying wasn't even the worst but how he treated me. His sister and Heather's supposed friend.
A lot was said between them but he never raised his voice and at one point she was screaming and he said "I won't even speak to you if you're just going to yell" They argued more and he told her to get out, and that the wedding is off.
He said he expects her to pay me and him back for all the expenses or he will bring her to court and then as she was crying he called her sister Haley to tell her that Heather is on her way back home and laid out everything so Haley knew exactly why they were calling it off.
The recording ends there but according to Aaron he put Heather's things in her sisters car for her (yes I am pettily specific about Heather not owning a car), and locked her out. She stayed at the door crying for a min and left. Aaron says he took a moment to cool down when the drama started back up.
Out of all the bridesmaids, only one was singularly Heather's and not a mutual friend of ours or a friend of mine or Aarons. "Kim" hated me at the very beginning because she is "Heather's true best friend" and should've been the MOH but made up some crap that I threw a fit I wasn't important in the wedding so long suffering Heather bent a knee and made me MOH.
Kim called Aaron and yelled at him that Heather is at her house heartbroken and depressed because the other girls lied to him to make her look bad. Heather is willing to forgive him and take him back but he needs to acknowledge the "truth".
She said Heather would only get mean to defend herself from us "ganging" up on her and that Kim witnessed it firsthand. She told him I was the worse one and would make snide remarks to Heather about taking my brother away from me and how now I was alone and had no one.
She implied something else that I won't repeat here because it's disgusting but ahem Luke and Space Mom, if you know you know. Then she dropped that Heather is also pregnant and the stress cannot be good for her or the baby.
Aaron said that he was almost considering talking to Heather and seeing things from her prespective because he was dumb and he did think he had loved her but it was the last parts that snapped him out of it. He said if Heather perceived she was being attacked, he almost felt bad, but he also knew me well enough to know that I am far too not confrontational - then WHAM baby?
He told Kim that this is impossible as Heather's rule was no intercourse until marriage and he respected that but now Kim and Heather are claiming that he was drunk one night and he and Heather did the deed and must not remember as he was practically passed out for most of it (which I won't begin to even touch that here but I have never felt more angry in my LIFE).
Aaron doubts this as he has never been so drunk he would forget things and on top of that, why would she keep it a secret from him after the fact? More to it but those are the cliffnotes.
It was late and Sofia couldn't come over so we facetimed her to thank her. She and her girlfriend were eager to hear what happened and Aaron told the whole thing over again and Sofia's girlfriend "Letty" told Aaron to immediately demand a medical confirmation of pregnancy and a paternity test as well as have Heather pin down the when and where.
She reminded Aaron that he has cameras all over his home and in the main rooms so this can be easily disproven but to also tread carefully because she can see a mile away that if Aaron refuses to be conned by that "Medusa-a$$ Homeworlder wanna-be" she will try to spin it making him an aggressor.
She is pre-law and her dads an attorney so Aaron will call him today and will speak to Heather only through his attorney going forward. We also opened some of Heather's texts to me together and screenshots each one but I was sleepy because of the wine and fell asleep.
When I woke up Aaron was on my tablet still reading and screenshoting and he seemed oddly chipper. I asked what's up and he informed me that Heather's sister Haley reached out and she will be going to the doctor with Heather to see if Heather is really pregnant but Haley is doubtful as she never mentioned it nor has Haley noticed any signs. It seems Haley is on his side and "over her sheet"
He also wants to thank Sofia and the other bridesmaids for helping us and is thinking about keeping the venue and just having a party in place of the wedding but he isnt sure. Honestly I don't think he slept and he looks awful so I canceled all my plans and am going to make sure he rests and takes care of himself.
Nothing has been decided but he now sees how manipulative Heather can be. I know he is heartbroken but he's putting on a face for everyone. I know far too well eventually he will need to mourn the relationship and I am determined to be here when he does.
I think that's everything for now, I wanted to share with everyone who has been so supportive of us even if it meant kicking me in the pants to get me to be honest with my brother. To my fellow Browncoats and rebels, thanks for helping me feel a part of a broader nerdom - it feels awesome.
AND THEN. This.
"Update: Empire Strikes Back (Sith-in-law)"
ShesChoaticGood6599
There is too much to re-explain so the link is the easier way to catch anyone up on the situation. I am very blue so sorry of I am not as quippy as usual. Again, dyslexic and at the risk of sounding like a functioning(?) alcoholic, yes I am drinking wine while writing this...at least I am consistent?
Let's start with the good stuff first. Letty and Sofia are engaged. It wasn't too long ago actually that we were all having drinks together with my brother Aaron and Sophia had to get up to go to the bathroom.
I decided that I would go with her because I also needed to go but didn't want to break the seal LOL so we both went and I found out from Aaron and later that Letty had told him that she plans on proposing and that she's really excited about it as she and Sophia have talked about getting married many times and they wanted to get married before Letty gets ill.
I won't share too much about it and I honestly don't get/understand it all anyway but Letty has a high chance of coming down with an illness in her family and Sofia wants to legally be able to make medical choices etc.
Letty believes it's many years off. Probably we'll over a decade, but had a cousin come down with it and decline swiftly far too young and it's spooked them. But Letty wants the proposal and wedding to be magical for Sofia who didn't leave her immediately upon learning this.
Tbh, I never knew this before and I think Letty keeps it close to the vest. My heart broke in learning about this but am hoping that she beats the odds and never falls ill. It's a small possibility according to Letty, but there is one.
The good news is that Letty was focusing on the proposal and living life with her love as long as she is alive and I think that's so beautiful. Letty waited until Sofia and I went to the bathroom and said to Aaron that she had something she wanted to ask him.
She knew that the venue for his now canceled wedding was not refundable and that he was trying to figure out what to do with it and she offered to pay him the money he would lose if he had canceled the venue to then use the venue for her wedding with Sophia should Sophia say yes.
Aaron was overjoyed by this and absolutely said yes to that without hesitation but refused to have her pay for anything and said that it would be his wedding gift to them. When he told me about this after Letty and Sofoa went home for the night, there was a pep to him.
The venue was a sore spot...all the stuff for his wedding was a sore spot. But this was the first time I saw him truly happy about ANYTHING connected to it. Letty planned to propose on a Saturday.
Sophia grew up with a parent who was a puppeteer who even worked for Jim Henson's company at one point and she has a great love for Live Theater especially if it has puppets in it, or movies that have puppets in it. She even has some of her own puppets but she always says that she's no Puppeteer she just loves them.
Letty has commissioned two puppets that look like Letty and Sofia as a gift. She took Sofia to a showing of the Labrythn with Jennifer Connelly and David Bowie which is one of Sofia's childhood fave's.
Letty prompted they to go for a walk at the park nearby where they used to hang out when they first started dating where Aaron and I along with a couple other friends had set up something of a scavenger hunt using details of their love story together that led to the Riverside where they had their first kiss. Letty proposed and it was beautiful. Sofia managed to choke a "yes" out through her tears.
Aaron is glad the money for the venue will be used for something good and my sappic ass loves to see two close gal pals of mine living such a romantic life successfully.
Aaron told me privately that he will also use all of the vendors that he hasn't canceled yet that were meant for his wedding and see if he can retain them for the girls wedding as well and will talk with the girls about it once they are ready to start planning. He was so happy, his eyes were watering. He seemed really happy.
To be honest, even when I wrote down that I knew that he would need to mourn his relationship and everything that's happened to him, I had no idea how hard it would be to see him suffer.
He put on a brave face for a while, and then one day I went to visit him because I had offered to make him dinner and he was very quiet over text and hadn't replied the day of which isn't like him.
This was maybe a week or two after my last post. I went over anyway with all of the groceries just assuming that he got caught up as he had thrown himself a lot into work and often got a little carried away.
I would usually get a quick text by the end of the work day like "oh hey sorry got caught up with work" etc and we would resume plans but this day I didn't get it. When I got to his house he was drunk - and I mean DRUNK. I had never seen him this gone before.
What I was able to piece together from his ramblings was that it all finally hit him and he felt used and stupid and a failure, not just because of Heather and that whole situation but because of what I went through and the fact that he couldn't protect his own sister. He was crying and told me I was all he had and he failed me and he will never forgive himself. There's a bunch more to it but that was the crux.
I would like to think I am not a hateful person. We were not raised to hate. We were raised to rise above such things. Hurt people hurt people and we should spread love.
But when I tell you seeing my brother, my lifelong best friend, the person never not in my corner, breaking down like that so broken over Heather's actions, I truly felt this creeping feeling therapy susssed out for me that was deep, festering, unadulterated hate. She hurt me. Ok. I've found that I am much tougher than I thought.
But where the line is, where my rage came in, where this awful, deep pit of fire that makes me scared of my own feelings comes in is that she broke my brothers heart. There is a very ugly side of me that wanted to make her hurt like he was hurting. I am not proud of that at all. In fact, I am ashamed of it. But I would be a lying cesspool if I said I didn't.
I got him cleaned up, and he slept while I cooked. He didn't eat much and didn't sober up until the next day - he remembered everything and was incredibly embarrassed, red in the face from it, and said he hated that I had to see him like that and it wasn't fair to me.
This coming from the guy who picked me up the first time I got sheetfaced at a public bar when I was teen lol. He apologized the second he woke that day saying he had whiskey to unwind as he felt tense and upset and the next thing he knew he was looking through photos of his time with Heather and just lost it.
I assured him it was alright, this wasn't his fault and I was here for him. He shut down a bit and withdrew for a while after that incident, and left all his booze at my place as he wanted to sober up and go to therapy which I was grateful for. I also am going to therapy FYI, as it was suggested in the comments a lot.
Now, im sure everyone is wondering about Heather. God, "Heather" is a fake name but I still hate typing it. Her sister Haley tried to force Heather to a doc appt to confirm the so-called pregnancy. Heather agreed until Haley wanted to be told the results by the doctor and not relayed by Heather.
Heather immediately refused. Color me shocked. Haley then told her sister that it was either this option or do Heather to pack her crap and leave her home. I am told that's when Heather folded. They went, and the crazy bit is that while Heather was not pregnant, she was.
I don't know how Haley came to find this out but she called Aaron to tell him that Heather had an abortion in December (Heather at the time had told Aaron she was going traveling with some friends for a week or so). Kim had taken her.
Aaron was shook up by this and really started to question whether he could've been the father, but the only way that could be true is that Heather and Kim were telling the truth about Heather getting him so blackout drunk and into bed. He kept saying that he really doesn't think that it is true but if she was pregnant...?
It really messed him up. He got tested for StDs and a few weeks later he was cleared of all that worry, but he hadn't quite been right since. He would be a bit short-tempered (not explosively, just curt and angry or annoyed by little things).
For example and also to share some news, I have a boyfriend now. We will call him Han because why not? Han is super handsome and sweet, and had been an acquaintance through my theatre circles for a long time.
We both joined the same DND group/campaign about 5 months ago and usually, the group plays weekly. Han always made me smile and laugh - our characters are exes in the campaign storyline and the banter is hilarious rolepaying. When the Heather stuff started ramping up, he asked if I was alright.
I didn't share back then, but he kept making efforts to make me smile and one day I finally shared and he didn't interrupt. Just listened. He jokes a lot like I do to deflect or dispell discomfort but he was deadly serious as he listened to me.
He was super sweet and took me to drinks after DND that week and we got to chatting. It was nice to just chat away and lose myself in just existing with a person. We ended up kissing at my car after he walked me out and we had gone on a full-fledged date the next day.
I won't bore you with the details but I really really enjoyed the date. And I was all smiles when I went home as Aaron was coming by for dinner along with a mutual friend who cancelled last minute.
Aaron noticed my mood and grinned at me like that TikTok background "Dang bro who got you smiling like that" lol and I told him everything. I was giddy but I could see Aaron getting quiet, and his face went from playful to serious. He was so intense that I stopped talking and asked what was wrong and he shook his head and said nothing.
I just said "come on, don't be like that, I know its nothing." and he snapped at me and said "I said it's nothing" and I just clamped my mouth shut and nodded and quietly went to check on the food in the kitchen. A couple minutes later he came into the kitchen and looked really miserable.
He apologized for being an azz, that he's not mad at me, that I deserve to be happy, that this is his problem not mine and that he just panicked and freaked out because he didn't know Han (he thought it was a buddy of his who has a crush on me unbeknownst to me) and felt this horrible fear that he would break my heart.
He said he's been working on it, working on himself, but the whole situation with Heather has him F'd up five ways to Sunday and it wasn't fair of him to take it out on me. Little moments like that cropped up 2 or 3 times. Then he just went stoic. Quiet. Really not himself.
Then the incident happened. I work at a local theater in the city that our town surrounds. My schedule is a little bit untraditional but pretty easy to figure out. Essentially, if a certain event is happening at my job than I am definitely going to be there unless I am sick or on vacation.
This particular event that happened that night I was really looking forward to because it had a lot of performances that I wanted to see. So, I invited Han as we were newly using the labels of boyfriend and girlfriend (he asked on valentine day so yeah, it's really new but also really fast).
I was really excited to take him to an event on my job as my boyfriend for the first time. I was with a group of donors when my 2nd in command (and yea, I call her Number 1 - and if you get the reference, we can be friends) who I will call Willa (20s, female) came to me and said my cousin was there and it was an emergency.
I know I said that my brother is my oy family, and that's true. We're each others only real family but Aaron and I do have cousins, but we haven't really spoken to them outside of the occasional text here or there or maybe Facebook comments Etc.
Most of them cut all contact with me after I came out of the closet, and thus Aaron did the same with them. But we have two grandfathers, one is technically a step grandparent but whatever, and both are older and an ailing health.
So I assume that the emergency was about one of them and I rushed to my office where Willa said my cousin was. When I walked into my office it was not a cousin or any family member for that matter, it was Kim.
She had changed her hair and she had lost a little bit of weight. She did look really different actually, but it was definitely her. I can't explain the feeling I had when I saw her - I mean F-ing hell she had made life a living hell for me and my brother.
I was shocked and angry to see her and I told Willa who she was, Willa had heard a shortened version of everything that had been happening because I had to take some time off to take care of Aaron and myself, to make sure that we both were getting the help that we needed through therapy and getting medical tests done etc etc so I relied a lot on Willow to "have the bridge" while I was not in office.
I asked Kim what she was doing there and why she had come but before I could say anything Kim hugged me. hugged. ME. I was like WHAT THE ACTUAL F. Then she glared at Willa and said something like "we need privacy" and Willa refused so Kim said to get the f out. And Willa just cool as can be said "Francesca is my boss. You are not. I don't take orders from you."
She's a badass. Anyway I had broken from Kim's hug like "What are you doing? Get out. This is my job" etc. And Kim waved it off saying, and I truly quote "yeah yeah blah blah we hate each other I get it" and continued to say something like she isn't there because she wants to be.
But Heather knew I would likely call the cops if she came herself (probably true) because I hated her guts (definitely true) and wanted her 💀 (no comment /s...i am kidding - even I am not there yet).
She said that Heather got kicked out from Haley's and is staying at Kim's and she hasn't been eating or sleeping, but drinking a lot and spiralling bad. She wants me to ask Aaron to please meet her so they can talk. Kim said that Aaron ks probably the only person who can save her from this ledge.
Guys, I not proud of this, but something in me just snapped.
I laughed. Hysterically.
I mean it was so absurd. This absolute horror show of a woman chewed my brother up and spat him out, possibly allegedly assaulted him or cheated on him because she somehow got pregnant, and broke my brother's heart to the point that he's hardly keeping it together.
AND she wanted me, the woman she went out of her way to make miserable and push away, to kindly pass along anything from her to him other than "Heather said she's sorry she's a peice of of wookie poo and will never bother us again"?
Excuse the F outta me? So yeah I laughed in Kims face. It might have been cruel but in the moment it was honestly the kindest thing I could do because I wanted to act a complete fool, cuss her out, cuss Heather out, to tell her just what I thought about her.
Again. Not proud of it. I don't want to be hateful. I don't think it's my nature and it's not how I was raised - I keep lamenting how my mother would be so ashamed of that ink blot in my heart. But I have no good things to think or say about either of those twisted crappiles.
I laughed and told Kim to get the F out or we will call security. I turned to Willa to ask her to make sure Kim left the premises. Here's what all happened after as told to me because I don't remember it all fully. There is a brick on my desk that is from the originally building that was our theatre before the new buildings were built.
All employees from that era got one. Kim grabbed it and I do remember the whack, the sound of it, and nothing else. I don't know guidelines so I won't go into too much detail but Willa knows how to hold her own and took Kim to the ground, shouting for help. 911 was called.
I woke up on a stretcher in an ambulance a they took me to the hospital, Han was with me. Cops took Kim. It didn't matter if I wanted to press charges in the respect that Kim tried for Willa too and Willa is pressing all the charges she can and there are cameras at my job so proving it wasn't hard.
I managed to stay at least partially awake most of the time. I had a concussion but was going to be fine. They wanted to keep me overnight but I started to protest, saying I will sign anything they needed to release me to go home. I don't think I mentioned this before but I have a huge phobia of hospitals.
It's due to trauma as a kid. Han had already called Aaron and when I started protesting being kept at the hospital, I noticed Han was on the phone and he was quietly relaying "she is saying she won't stay...uh huh...okay..." and the like. It takes forever to get discharged for whatever reason so Aaron arrived at the hospital before the paperwork was even sent. He came in like a man on fire.
He didn't yell but he was scarily firm. "You are staying here as long as the doctor says you need to." etc. I admit, I was pissed and in pain, and frankly, a b*tch. I told him he's not our dad, that I am grown, and he can f off. We argued. It was bad. We both said stuff we regretted after.
Han tried to defuse it but at one point we both said damn near simultaneously "shut up, han" and he did - swear to god it was like a bad movie. Aaron and I went from anger to tears, crying as we traded jabs until we just wore ourselves down.
He just slumped in the chair by my bed opposite of Han and I stared at that stupid white ceiling hating everything. Aaron just muttered "I Iove you, you stubborn ass." and I kinda laughed and muttered something like "I love you too, you j@cka$$." and we just laughed until I fell asleep. So I ended up staying overnight anyway.
I was released late the next day. The doctor wanted me to either stay there or go with Han or Aaron. Han offered but Aaron snapped at him and said I would stay at his and I was frankly too tired to argue. I hadn't looked at my phone since the incident until I settled in Aaron's guest room.
Han said he reached out to Sofia & Letty, a few other friends, and to my boss at work updating her but no one else. I had messages galore. It felt like everyone heard. But I saw a message from Heather. It was a video. She was smiling and said "heard you took a tumble. Get well soon, my love" and she blew a kiss.
Han was with me and I could see he was livid. I begged him not to say anything to Aaron as it would upset him further and there was no point in that, which was true, but also given the state he'd been in I was also worried he would snap and do something supremely stupid. I fell asleep soon after that.
I woke up to shouting - lots of it - and heard Aaron raging. I knew what was happening before I even got to the living room. Han and Aaron had been talking, splitting duties between taking care of me, cooking, alerting everyone, etc and Aaron had taken my phone to get my boss's number and saw Heather's message.
He now thinks she planned it all, which sounded insane even for her but a large bump on my head says anything is possible. He called the police. Kim is still in custody. A trial will need to happen. I am no lawyer but apparently she has to stay there for a while, thank god.
Aaron asked about a restraining order against Kim. The police said it will likely be no trouble to get one given the circumstances. The issue is Heather. Put simply, we have no proof. The video she sent is no admission of guilt. Kim is saying she is protecting Heather from Aaron.
She told the cops Aaron is violent, cruel, and ab*sive. She said Aaron forced Heathers abortion, that he would put her down and that he did vile things my brother would never do in a million years. The said they are investigating these allegations and to be available as they do so. That we will hear from detectives. It's a nightmare.
Today I am pretty much recovered, and already back at home, but Aaron and Han and all my friends want me to not be home. I got a "get well" card signed by an "H" in the mail. It had no postage leaving us to assume whoever dropped it off came to my home. Because I am a trusting idiot, I left my back door open.
Most in my inner circle know I do that regularly (I know, I know). And when I got home, I noticed the house was off. I still to this day cannot tell you what it is and I could be paranoid but I think someone was in my home.
I told my inner circle and now Han is camped on my couch and Aaron is nagging me to come back to his until we can get my locks checked, cameras on the property, and sort out this whole thing.
That was sincerely as short as I can make this and there is still a lot happening now. I don't know what would be worse, stay with Aaron until we get on each others nerve and have another blow out fight? Keep poor Han on my couch until his back gives out and Aaron gets a million new gray hairs?
All I know is that either way I won't be sleeping well if at all. Kim is not a threat currently but Heather knows where both Aaron and I live. I am unsure if she is crazy or stupid enough to come at either of us directly or if she even told Kim to do what she did or not.
Yet another update came through.
"Update"
ShesChoaticGood6599
I am exhausted so I will try to keep this pithy. I was right about something feeling wrong in the house. Han found two cameras hidden in "charger" blocks plugged in to my kitchen which is usually the most active room in my home. For reference, I have a pretty open floor plan and the kitchen can see most of the home outside the living room only for to a weird wall being there (never understood why it was built that way but like I said, cheap fixer upper to buy so I can't really complain).
I was doom scrolling my Facebook and catching up on year's of comments and messages when Han came in my bedroom and told me to pack a bag. He seemed super tense. I tried to ask what was going on but he was having none of it. Han never is bossy or curt like that so I just did what he asked and we went outside. I went to my car and he told me to get in his so I did.
He drove me to Aarons at first. Han told me and Aaron that he was fixing himself a snack when a breaker went out and he used his cell flashlight to see so he could go the garage and flip the breaker back but he noticed a reflection in a charger.
He took a closer look and found a camera. It was no hard work to find the second also in the kitchen on the other side. He knew I had no cameras in the house yet and immediately went to grab me and get me out of the house.
I lost the contents of my stomach straightaway after hearing that. That's my home. My safe space. I dance in my underwear, I make personal phone calls and face times, I made out with my boyfriend there. I have no way of knowing how long it was there or who is watching. I mean, I can make a guess to both, clearly, but I don't know.
The police were called again. They were and are in and out of my home, rummaging through my things. I know it's their job but it feels like a second violation having more people in my home. I can't sleep and I can't cry. I just feel numb and empty.
I am staying in the guest room at a friends (I can't say just for security reasons), all doors and windows are locked. The boys searched Aaron's house up and down for cameras and an officer is also coming to check. I just want to disappear into a hole forever but if my suspicions are right, that's what they'd want.
Another development is that Aaron found my post. Apparently, it was used on a video on a Facebook or YouTube page or something that he follows and the details of the original post plus my updates left little room for doubt.
He was very displeased about it and I thought it would be yet another argument when he brought it up and I had just given up saying I would take it down but he said it was fine so long as I used fake names etc, and didn't post who I was with/where I am staying specifically just in case.
Han said an officer let him know I should have a restraining order on Kim by the end of the week but again, need proof against Heather. It's frustrating. I know I am safe logically but I haven't been able to sleep or keep food down. The friends I am staying with have all the security one can ask for and can easily defend me or their home, but mind is racing.
This all got so out of control, and all because I ruined my brother's relationship. Han is staying kn the bedroom with me because I don't want to be alone. The sweetheart has taken off work for the next few days to be with me. Aaron has told me not to worry and that he has an idea but won't say what it is. All I can do right now is wait, cry, and hope I cry enough to exhaust myself to sleep.