Husband shocked and insulted as in-laws’ demand 50% of wedding cash gifts. AITA?
"My mom asked for 50% of our wedding cash gifts, is this crazy?"
Hi y'all, this might get kinda long. My (F24) and my husband (M27) got married in a small ceremony earlier this year and my parents paid for everything (we did a small religious thing and took the families out for dinner afterwards, the whole thing amounted to probably 4-5k).
Since I'm in school, I don't have an income and only my husband works so we planned to do a larger reception with our entire families in 2026. However, we are now at the point where we are about to sign contract with venues and I've been reconciling between all parties that will be contributing to the reception.
My husband and I are from different cultures and he has a way smaller family than mine (his guest count is around 50 and mine is near 150). For that reason, we expected my parents to end up paying the majority out of all parties involved since they're the ones who want to invite all these people. The money breakdown is looking like this:
My parents (150 heads) = $20k
His parents (50) = $6k
Husband and me= $12k
The thing is, my parents are not really well-off and are only inviting this many people bc of their "reputation" and the expectations of our culture since I'm the only daughter.
I've had many arguments with them about inviting so many people and trying to match up to our other family who are more well-off. Here's the biggest issue in this whole situation thus far: my mom has recently agreed to paying for their part of the wedding as long as I give her 50% of the cash wedding gifts we receive.
This caused a huge argument between my husband and I because growing up, I was used to sharing any portion of my gift money with my parents when they host events for me (grad parties, birthdays).
However, he was very offended because he knows that even if he offered to give any money back to his family they'd never accept it bc it would be looked at as offensive in his culture.
He's looking at our parent's contributions towards our wedding as a gift, and I'm looking at it as something stupid my parents feel obligated to do to make everyone in my family happy, while putting themselves in debt in the process.
I feel bad for my parents and feel okay with their demand of giving 50% of the wedding gifts because a majority of that money will be coming from the guests that they chose to invite, and this 50% will not touch my husband family's gifts.
Since they're also funding pretty much half the wedding as well I also feel okay with this. However, my husband is not budging and is offended on my behalf and think my parent's aren't respecting me by saying from the get-go that they want half of the wedding gifts to balance out how much they paid. Who's in the wrong here and is there a solution? Thank you for reading all of this.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s post:
Don’t take the help from your parents, have a small wedding with what you can afford. You will dent your marriage if you go through with this.
Not only does it have strong potential to dent OP’s marriage, but we’re in a precarious global economy right now. What if people can’t afford to be as generous as they normally are?
What if the amount of cash the couple is gifted is significantly less than what (I’m 1000% positive) the parents hoped (read: expected)? I have zero doubts the parents would guilt trip to receive 80% if not 100% of whatever was gifted if that became the case.
Tell your mom you aren’t doing a reception. It’s obvious that no one here is in a position to afford it. Also, splitting half your gift money with your parents is bizarre. Especially from occasions like your birthday as a child.
The parents are extremely greedy. I don’t know how they can’t understand that if they want to invite all these people they pay. You should never expect gifts from others. Ew.
Have a smaller celebration, neither you nor your parents can afford what you have planned.
This is crazy. A gift is a gift. I would actually be pissed if I gave you and the groom a gift for your wedding and knew your parents were taking it. If they can’t afford that many people they shouldn’t invite them. It’s YOUR wedding. I’m actually appalled that they did this to you on other occasions your whole life.
That's what was shocking to me. The parents are increasing the cost by inviting people to "maintain their reputations" and then want to take a cut of the gifts? No, you don't invite people if you can't afford it.
The parents taking part of a gift to their child is wild to me, but to each their own. It just seems that the event size needs to be adjusted so that OP and her husband can afford it without OPs parent's money, and if the parents won't be contributing they don't really get a say in the guest list.
Large_Impression_888 (OP)
It's interesting hearing other people's opinions on this because I thought sharing gift money with your parents was normal until I talked to my husband about it :(
If none of you can afford this wedding, don't do it. You're already married. Plan a vow renewal for a future anniversary when you can pay for it yourselves. It's insane to have anyone go into debt for a party.
What your parents are doing is basically lending you money they expect to recoup through your wedding gifts. Then claiming it's a gift. Their contribution is either a loan or a gift. If they want to invite 150 people then it should be a gift. Personally I would invite way less people and not accept monetary help from my parents. You can have a very nice wedding on 18k with 100 guests total.