'AITA for telling my mom to stop saying I’m my dad's new wife?'
"AITA for telling my mom to stop saying I’m my dad's new wife?"
Extreme_Manner_7962
I (22F) have always been close with my Mom but not so much with my Dad. When I was younger I always saw him as the very strict parent, I have now come to realise that It was just my Mom always degrading him and making him out as the bad guy.
Since then I’ve always tried to do things for my Dad such as, buying him birthday presents and Fathers day presents, repaying him when he buys expensive things for me and my Sister and asking if he wants lollies from the shop. I do these things with my Mom too but the reactions to things are quite opposite from my Dads reactions.
For example… If I bought an expensive present for my Dad my Mom would say things like “So you spend so much money on your Dad but never get anything for me” or “Where’s my present?”. I’d respond to her saying that I bought her an Apple Watch for her birthday and buying her jewellery, but it’s like it isn’t enough for her?
Recently Father's Day came around and I and my Sister gifted my Dad some new shirts. He was very appreciative and liked them very much and has been wearing them often.
But my Mom keeps saying now “your the new wife”, “Go clean the house new wife”, “where’s my clean laundry new wife” and its physically making me sick when she says those types of things. I've tried talking to her about these comments but she never wants to listen, she either storms off or starts yelling at me for being manipulated by him.
(Also some context for the next paragraph, my Mom has refused to speak to my Dad for almost a year now because he told her off for taking money out of his account without asking. She hasn’t apologised for doing this and says my Dad has to apologise.)
I don’t exactly remember what happened but one day my Dad told me to go ask my Mom something and when I went to go tell my Mom she went off at me… “Why are you speaking to me, get your Father to come speak to me!”, “Go tell your Father he has to speak to me now!”.
(This is a regular occurrence where my parents would tell me to tell the other parent stuff cause they won’t speak to each other.) “He’s my Husband he should be speaking to me!”
At that point I had enough and told my Mom to either listen to what I have to say or to take herself to go speak to my Dad. I was no longer going to be their little messenger bird.
She then got upset with me saying I was being manipulated by him and going against her. I said to her “No I’m not being manipulated, I’m just sick and tired of you saying stupid things like, I’m the new wife.
Stop saying disgusting things like that!” After saying that she was upset and didn’t speak to me for a couple of hours, later on she came into my room and acted like nothing ever happened…So… AITA for telling my Mom off?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Severe-Possible-
This can't be a real question.
get that woman therapy ASAP.
Helpful_Librarian_87
I want to do an Oprah-style stand on the sofa and shout ‘you get a therapist, dad gets a therapist, all the kids get therapists!!!’ cos that’s some messed up dynamics in OP’s household.
sonicsean899
Wait are these two still married? Because it sounds like your mom despises the idea that anyone likes your dad, let alone her children.
xtreme_Manner_7962 (OP)
Yep , still married. Theres been a bunch of times where my Moms out right tried to find proof of him cheating on her when there isn't any...
wanderer866
NTA. From the sounds of things your mother is attempting to manipulate you as is upset that it isn't working. Just like she is trying to attempt to gaslight your father into apologizing for her actions. She's a mess, although your father is playing her games and dragging you into them so he isn't a heck of a lot better. Your parents are a mess. Get out as soon as you can.
throwawtphone
Wow your mom is fucked up. She is jealous of your father having any affection for his daughter. Inside her head is a bag of cats. She needs real therapy. Parental alienation. Jealousy. Incestuous overtones.
primordial_chaos_007
OP, NTA But, forget the therapist. GET YOUR MOM A PSYCHIATRIST, a proper psychiatry doctor. I don't know the details, but she sounds like suffering from a Personality disorder.
stove1336
Literally gross. Not being the go-between has to be the same for both of them. Anytime one of them says that to you, just say "Tell her/him yourself, that's not my responsibility." Do not let your mother say those shitty things to you anymore. You may need to go "no contact" with her for a short time if she doesn't stop just to show her you mean business.
wlfwrtr
Did you ever ask them why they stay together since they seem to hate each other so much?
Extreme_Manner_7962 (OP)
I've mentioned to my Mom a couple of times if she really hates my Dad so much why not get a divorce, she never clearly answers me and avoids the question most of the time. sometimes ends with me getting a lecture too.
WhereWeretheAdults
NTA. Your mom is working very hard to keep you involved in their adult relationship. That's unhealthy AF. I think she revealed the entire problem to you. "I was being manipulated by him and going against her." She has to be the center of attention and the most important character. Yeah, she needs therapy.