Mom shuts down parenting advice from friend, 'I pray your kids never talk to you again.' AITA?
"AITA for telling my friend I’m not taking parenting advice from her?"
It’s no secret that I’m not very strict with my kids (2 boys, teenagers). They don’t have a curfew, I don’t get mad at them if they don’t get good grades, I don’t ground them, they have girlfriends that I allow them to see/have over, yes I know my older one has smoked weed, etc etc etc.
And guess what? The boys are typical teenage boys but they are kindhearted and sweet. We have a very good relationship and they’re actually home more often than not. While we aren’t strict parents, we also taught them to be kind, generous and respectful and it actually worked (though we do have some bad days but no one’s perfect).
I have a friend that’s a great mom but her and her daughter cannot stand each other right now. She complains about not being able to connect with her but I don’t say anything because every child is different and I also don’t have any daughters. My parenting style won’t work on every child either.
Anyways, this friend came over for lunch and both my boys were home. One of them had their girlfriend over and we were chatting for a bit before they both went upstairs to my son’s room.
My friend looked shocked and was like “you’re seriously going to let them be alone in his room?” I just said yeah and she was like “I could never do that.” I just laughed along with her.
Then my eldest comes downstairs and is all like “hey mom I’m ordering food you want anything?” I said no thanks and turned back to my friend and she looked shocked again and was like “but you cooked food?”
I told her he’s old enough to eat whatever he wants and he’s ordering food with his own money that he earned so why would I stop him. It’s not like it’s a special occasion or I specifically cooked food for him (besides what I cooked was literally just fancy looking grilled cheese sandwiches).
My friend made a face and kept telling me that what I’m doing isn’t right and that I’m acting like their friend, not their parent and even teenage boys need rules to become good people. I was trying to change the subject but she wouldn’t just let it go so I said “I’m sorry but I am NOT taking parenting advice from you.”
She went quiet before yelling at me and saying that I’m the weird one not her and that I can’t be serious. I told her that she should probably leave and she was like “I should, I didn’t know you were such a mean person. I pray your kids never talk to you again when they realize how much you’ve failed them.”
Now I’m not asking for judgement about my parenting, I know how many will react, but AITA for what I specifically said to my friend about her parenting? I feel a little bad because it is a sore spot and she’s not a bad parent at all.
Here's what top commenters had to say:
Impossible_Ask_3564 said:
She said this: I pray your kids never talk to you again when they realize how much you’ve failed them. That is an absolutely horrible thing to say to someone, especially someone who's apparently a friend. NTA at all, your boys sounds like good kids.
Natural_Garbage7674 said:
NTA. My mum's parenting style was much like yours. No real curfew, so long as she knew where I was or who I was with and I got enough sleep for school. Expected to do the best I could at school, but no pressure to get a certain grade. Etc, etc.
If we didn't comply with the simple rules, we lost the privilege of being trusted until we could earn it back. It taught me responsibility and resiliency. It also taught me that if I got in the kind of trouble that kids don't like to tell their parents about, that their would be okay if I told my mum.
You've found a method that works for you and your family, stick with it. Honestly, it's really short sighted of your friend to complain that her parenting is going poorly in one breath, then insult yours in the next. She had it coming.
various-randoms said:
NTA my parents were very lax with rules when I was a kid too. I was taught young to never lie, the truth will set you free. So even if I did something wrong I never got in trouble for being honest about it. My parents would explain why it was wrong but I wasn’t in trouble for it and I learned.
All my grandmother did was complain about how my parents raised my brother and I. She made the mistake of mentioning it to my boyfriend when he went to her house to help her since I had class all day and work right after. I was upset and when I addressed it with my grandmother she flat out said I don’t like how you were raised and I said that’s fine but don’t you like me as a person?
Yes of course I love you. Then my parents didn’t do a terrible job because I ended up as a decent person. Just because it wasn’t the way you raised your kids didn’t make it wrong. NTA.
daddysprincess84 said:
NTA, your parenting style works for your family. She needs to fix her relationship with her child before trying to hand out advice.
Flimsy-Wolverine-663 said:
"I pray your kids never talk to you again when they realize how much you’ve failed them.” What she said was utterly unforgivable. Nothing you had said to her justifies what she said.
You're NTA, and unless she apologizes for her temporary loss of sanity, I'd say to just block her out of your life. I wouldn't want her around my children, what might she say to them out of my hearing?
Curious-One4595 said:
NTA. Sometimes shock treatment is the only way to get through to rude people who ignore your diversionary cues to aggressively pursue their rudeness. This case is a great example of that principle in action.
Don’t let her get away with calling you mean, though; she was being rude and intrusive in judging your parenting which you did not ask for and in plowing over every effort you made to divert the conversation and she upped the rudeness after you gave her a taste of what she was dishing out.
I think you can reframe the convo and move toward salvaging the friendship, if you choose, by telling her this while apologizing for hurting her feelings in the process. She may be untrainable though.