Mom of son with autism sets boundary with family: 'Do NOT discuss food.' AITA? 'I've been blocked.'

"AITA for setting a boundary about not wanting to talk about food, which led to my cousin cutting me off?"

I (30s, F) have a young son, Asher, who has significant challenges with food due to autism. His eating habits aren’t just “picky”—they’re tied to how he processes the world. It’s something we’ve been working through with professionals, and it causes me a lot of stress and anxiety. I cry over it multiple times a week.

My cousin Kelsey and I were close, but over time, our conversations around food became really triggering. She would often send photos of her child eating healthy meals, make comments about how certain foods are “gross” or “bad” (foods Asher eats, like Goldfish), and send me suggestions or tips that—while maybe well-intentioned—came across as passive advice that I didn’t ask for.

One time Asher was eating Goldfish and she casually mentioned she read they’re a leading cause of cavities. Stuff like that adds up when you’re already emotionally overwhelmed.

After talking to my therapist, I decided to set a boundary. I messaged her to say that food is a hard subject for me, and I’d prefer not to talk about it anymore. I made it clear it wasn’t about her—it was about my own anxiety and what I’m going through with Asher. I even said I was embarrassed to admit how hard it’s been, and I just wanted to avoid the topic to protect my mental health.

She didn’t take it well. She said maybe they just “shouldn’t come around anymore,” and when I tried to clarify that I wasn’t blaming her and that I valued our relationship, she doubled down and said she was distancing herself. I stayed calm, explained again that I wasn’t accusing her of anything, and that this boundary was about me—not her. But she cut things off completely.

I honestly didn’t expect this reaction. I wasn’t rude. I wasn’t attacking her. I set a personal boundary and was shut out over it. I’ve been blocked for months. So… AITA for setting a clear boundary about not wanting to talk about food—even if it made her uncomfortable?

Here's what people had to say about this one:

DracoPaladin said:

So now you know, she was doing it maliciously, and when you asked her to stop, she got upset that she couldn't bully you any more. NTA.

SeaLandscape6012 said:

NTA. You set a reasonable boundary and were clear it was about you and your issues and NOT her. She responded quite poorly - that is on HER - NOT you. Honestly, I know this is hard, but I've dealt with family and friends like this - and it's just not right. You deserve better. You are better off without her in your life at this point, as she will only cause you stress. Stay strong - you were valid in setting a reasonable boundary.

LightPhotographer said:

NTA. Kelsey enjoyed putting you down and showing off like the better mother. When you put your foot down you stopped being a source of daily dopamine for her.

Bennie212 said:

NTA. I think it really comes down to she doesn’t understand what having a child with autism means. Sending you pictures and making comments to about your son’s eating habits was out of line in my opinion.

You sent a boundary that seems reasonable to me. IMO she knew what she was doing so the her unsolicited advice was passive aggressive. I’m sorry she blocked you and you’re hurt. I hope someday if you want you can clear up this situation.

No_Location_5565 said:

NTA. Kelsey’s response was unreasonable. I’d venture a guess she’s made a “healthy” lifestyle part of her personality or it’s unlikely she would have taken your boundary so personally. As someone who’s had a child in OT for sensory processing issues I understand you.

Kelsey may have been unaware of what that truly looks like for a child and how hard that is on a parent, she’s not an AH for that. But she is an AH for her response to you informing her and for choosing to remain ignorant and unsupportive of what you’re going through when you set a reasonable boundary.

wocket-in-my-pocket said:

NTA. I just want to add, as an autistic adult with food issues that have lessened over time, that things can change. Especially with help like you're giving him, there is hope. He's young. Non-autistic kids go through restricted food periods too and it's documented that our senses of taste change over time.

And don't forget yourself in all of this. Be gentle with yourself. Give yourself grace. Maybe talk to your therapist about finding a support group of parents in a similar situation. This internet stranger believes in you.

SliceEquivalent825 said:

NTA. People are quick to block family anymore. She has not frame of reference for what you are going through and certainly wasn't important enough for her to learn. Just because people are relatives doesn't make them better than anyone else.

Find your support system. One day, she will have a challenge like you are going through and she just might get it, but that is not today. Stop trying to hold onto someone who let you go.