Mom tells daughter; 'Don't worry honey, I'll pay for your plastic surgery.' AITA?

It's so hard having a teenage daughter sometimes. When this mom feels bad about the way her daughter is treating her, she asks the internet:

'AITA for jokingly telling our daughter that we’ll pay for her plastic surgery?'

My daughter Hazel (15f) has been going through a phase. I am not one bit conventionally attractive to say the least, and Hazel is mad at me for giving birth to her and giving her ‘bad genetics.’

Everything bad that happens to her she will blame on me. She tells me that I should have never had kids since I ‘knew’ they would look ugly and monstrous.

It has been bugging me, and I honestly hope that she will grow out of this. Honestly sometimes she makes me feel bad for having her. I try to be as polite as I can whenever she says these things, but today was my last straw.

She was late to school. When she came home she told me that she would never be late if she did not have to spend hours putting on makeup to hide ‘my horrid face.’ I told Hazel that I was sorry, and if she wants, I can pay for her plastic surgery.

Hazel has been even colder towards me than she had been before, but AITA for saying that?

Let's see what readers thought:

solmegh writes:

NTA! OMG! Sorry but what is wrong with some people here? OP is a parent, yes, but she is also a human. And a 15 year old teen isn’t that young to understand how to act and say things to your own mother.

That was sth I also had to undergo in this age, which isn’t that far away, because I’m also a teen rn. I can understand that the daughter is frustrated, but calling your mom ugly and making her feel bad that she gave birth to you is disgusting!

Sorry, but she can’t have sympathy from me about this! I can understand how hard it is with these expectations from the society, but to say that the mom is the wrong one in this whole story is just wrong….

sadederavi writes:

YTA. You're the adult so you suck more for appearing to agree with your extremely insecure teenage daughter that she needs surgery to fix her face. I think that’s why that was painful for your daughter. It validated her interior dialogue about how she’s ugly. She needs you not to agree with that ever.

dmabeagsemo writes:

Can we cut OP just a little slack? If a teenager constantly called me ugly and that they blame me for them being ugly I’d be pretty damn exhausted by the end of it. This situation is ESH at best but honestly I think OP is N T A. It’s like what does your daughter want you to do?

You should consider therapy because clearly she has very serious self esteem issues. I feel for your daughter in a way since she is young and people at school are cruel. The joke you made wasn’t great timing, which is why I think people believe you’re the AH.

buntns writes:

Nta only because you can only poke any Human so far before they say or do something they wouldn’t normally.

A 15 year old constantly calling you ugly and monstrous and that they wished they hadn’t been born by you because of how ugly you are that you made them ugly is bullying in it’s own right.

You shouldn’t of said what you said by her reaction but we all have our limits and ultimately I don’t think you where nasty, your child had complained about her face for so long and warn you down you’ve offered to pay to “fix” whatever her issues are.

crims writes:

You’re NTA for joking about it. But it does sound like you need to be working on getting a closer relationship with your teen, rather than what is happening now. It sounds like your daughter needs therapy to process how she feels about herself.

And you might need some joint sessions so that you can both be honest with each other and see the extent to which you may have inadvertently damaged other. Then she can heal, you can stop being insulted, and your relationship will get better.