'Momzilla' uninvites brother from 120-person baby shower, 'I want nothing more to do with it.' AITA?
"AITA for telling my pregnant sister that I wanted nothing more to do with her baby shower?"
My (M-late 30s) youngest sister (early 30s) is pregnant with her first child. The family is thrilled for her as she and her partner have been trying for a long time to get pregnant. When she announced it she mentioned that she was having a baby shower and my sister and I offered to help out where we can.
For some reason, she took that as a “my brother said he would pay for the baby shower” and drafted a guest list of 120 people. I decided to text her one day and ask her what her budget was and I heard nothing for at least a day. My other sister and my mom mentioned that I had said to her that I would pay for the whole thing.
That was never something I had offered to do. She never addressed it with me directly and said that she and her partner would pay for everything. I took charge of creating the evite, registration site, driving an hour away to book the hall and put a deposit down, offered to do the centerpieces...
Paying for the stroller, driving back to the hall to add extra time to the reservation (because their archaic system doesn’t allow people to book online), agree to pick up food on the day of, answer every inquiry from her guests who’ve registered in the system.
My husband offered to help out with the games for the shower. We saw my sister last week and she texted me on Monday saying, “if he doesn’t want to do the games, then tell me so I can give it to someone else.”
I finally messaged back and said that I thought her message was a little harsh and if she was trying to imply something that she should just say it out loud. She then responded by saying “fine. I’m disappointed by how much work you’ve put into this shower.”
That’s when I lost it. I was objective and listed everything I had contributed so far. I also pointed out that I had never agreed to pay for a baby shower with 120 guests. I don’t know much about them but I assumed they were intimate events in someone’s home and not something the size of a wedding.
I had less people at my own wedding. In addition to this, she complains about other people in her life to my mom and sister about how no one is pitching in. She asked my mom what she was contributing to the shower. My 70-year old retired mother was taken aback by that comment and offered to cook food for 120 people.
She’s been so ungrateful throughout this entire process and has since uninvited me to her shower and sarcastically said “enjoy your 40th” and removed me from my sibling group chat.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Squiggles567 said:
NTA. She sounds toxic and unhinged. You did more than most people would do. Nobody needs 120 people at a baby shower or a hall for it. Your sister is greedy and attention-seeking. Hopefully, pregnancy has just caused temporary insanity.
Create an alternative sibling group chat without her. Explain what happened to your mother and siblings. Support your mom if you can, but not at the expense of your mental health. Enjoy your 40th and don’t sweat missing the baby shower. When she comes crawling back, listen and decide whether her apology is enough.
Remarkable_Egg3201 said:
NTA. When people offer to help with a baby shower they’re intending on bringing some food, making invitations, some decorating, maybe some games planning. They’re certainly not offering to pay for an obnoxious event. There’s no way your sister actually thought that.
Baby showers are not large events. They never have been. They are at most 30-40 people at someone’s house. And even that is a ridiculous number. Your sister is taking advantage of you, she is being entirely unreasonable.
fancyandfab said:
Is this a baby shower or an opportunity for her to show off? It very much sounds like the latter. You were paying for 120 guests and had to go in person to request more time. Your mother was cooking for 120 people. It doesn't sound like your sister wants to do anything for her own baby shower. You need uninvite your money along with yourself. NTA.
Sunnya$shh said:
NTA. She completely took advantage of your offer to help and then had the nerve to complain abt it? That's wild. Honestly, its prob best that you're not going bec it sounds like she would've just continued to be ungrateful. Just let her deal with it herself now.
shelwood46 said:
NTA. Wow, if she's gone no contact you should respect that and cancel the shower, clearly she doesn't want you there. Cancel every single thing.
Fennicular said:
NTA and this baby shower sounds unhinged! Usually you might have 5-20 people around for afternoon tea, a few games, and host it either at a nice cafe or someone's house. Mine was huge, I had about 40 people but that was because I have a big family. It was at my house, everyone brought a plate, it probably cost about $200 for extra food and drinks.
Looking at the list of what you've already done and contributed, I would think you're the best brother ever and be super grateful. Pregnancy hormones can be hell, and it's possible this is impacting on your sister but her expectations are still totally unreasonable.