Mother-in-law hates 'unique' baby name, 'I’ve known our baby girl her whole life already.' AITA?
"AITA for not wanting to change our baby’s name because my mother-in-law hates it?"
Context, wife and I are polar opposites. It’s our greatest strength and weakness! It took a considerable number of baby names, and time, to come up with one we both liked a lot. It’s very unique, and uncommon for our region.
It sounds great, it’s got deep meaning, it’s empowering yet delicate. It’s a beautiful name. I can’t even write her actual name because of how sad I am about this. It brings tears to my eyes, and hurts my heart.
At the gender reveal, our families (her mom/dad, and my mom) made an oath to remain silent when it came to baby names. They would not suggest names, nor tell us names they disliked.
My wife and I both made a promise to one another that we wouldn’t tell anyone the baby name until she was born. “Everyone meet ______!” Kinda thing. Especially family.
I was working late and my wife txt’d me, “I’m in tears, my mom out of the blue said she hates the name (____).” Then texts this “She said one of [her husband's] work colleagues has a daughter named (__) and it’s a hideous name. Please don’t name your baby ().”
Look, it doesn’t take a rocket scientists to know what happened here. Plus, I know his work colleague, I train with him. His daughters name is similar, but not close. Like comparing Alex to Alexander, or Donatello to Don.
I responded by saying “really? Do you expect me to believe she randomly pulls this uncommon name out of the blue just to say she doesn’t like it? Breaking the oath both our families made in front of us?” “The probability is so low, you should drive her to buy a lottery ticket, cause I’m not buying this.”
She dug her heels in, and insisted she didn’t say anything. “If you don’t believe me, ask her yourself!” “You never believe me!!!” Psh…I called that bluff and said “ok! While I’m at it, I’ll also ask why she broke that oath our families made.” Then my wife changed her position and asked me not to.
Now I’m left feeling betrayed by my wife, and her mom. My wife and I have been together for 15 years. We were high school sweethearts. After my wife and I found out she was pregnant, her mom's attitude towards me changed. If I’m not present, she is very critical about me to my wife.
My wife would NEVER disrespect her parents or stand up to her mom. Some people just don’t have that kinda spirit or spine, she is one of them. When her mom is around me, she makes jabs or very very subtle snide comments. My wife barely picks up on it.
My wife and I can’t agree on a new name now. In my head, it’s already been decided. The original name is imprinted, like, I’ve known our baby girl her whole life already. Idk how to describe it, but when I think of her, I immediately think (____), not “her” or “the baby.” This isn’t her and her moms baby, this baby belongs to my wife and I.
I’m so pissed, hurt, confused, filled with dread, the list of low emotions is a long one. Idgaf what her mom likes of doesnt like. This was supposed to be my wife and I. This is our baby, not hers. Everyone promised. Now I’m expected to keep my mouth shut and yield to what my mother-in-law wants.
I’m not allowed to speak up and draw the line. I rarely dig my heels in on issues. I choose my battles wisely. This is one I will die on the hill for. Too many boundaries have been crossed. Am I the ahole for feeling this way?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
chaingun_samurai said:
Who gives a rat's a%s about what your MiL likes? She doesn't like it? Too bad.
NTA.
KangarooJohnny said:
NTA die on that hill my friend cause if you lose the battle over naming your OWN child to MIL she’s never going to stop coming for you.
weeble_lowe said:
She has already named and raised her children. This is yours. Tell her to mind her own business and stay out of yours. NTA.
TarzanKitty said:
Don’t change the name unless you want your MIL to be the primary decision maker for your child.
Savings_Summer2608 said:
NTA- you need to address your relationship between your wife and MIL before you talk more about the name. That’s the real issue here. If your wife cannot deal with the discourse that your MIL causes in your marriage, the name game wont be the only problem you have in your marriage. It will destroy it slowly and painfully.
Mister_Fart_Knocker said:
Absolutely NOT the ahole. You and your wife picked that name, so stick with it. To hell with what MIL thinks. Now you've gotta stand up to your wife and your MIL about this, and be clear that this is in no way MILs decision, and she doesn't get a say. Period. End of discussion. It's time hard boundaries are set and enforced. Otherwise, this is how the rest of the marriage is going to be.
I'd also recommend couples counseling as well as individual counseling. It'll give you and your wife more tools to make your marriage work and help keep your marriage about just the 3 of you. Best of luck!