'AITA for not wanting to move in with my grandparents because my sister got pregnant?'
"AITA for not wanting to move in with my grandparents because my sister got pregnant?"
My sister is 17 and he recently found she was pregnant. My parents plan on helping her raise the baby but we have limited space. My grandparents, who are nice, but also very old and live in a different state, suggested I stay with them that way my sister's baby can have a separate room or whatever.
Our parents plan to help raise the baby so my sister can finish school and go to university. Academically she is fairly smart, but outside of that, yeah. I start HS next year, so my parents and grandparents think it would be an easier transition for me. My friends are here and I really don't want to go through the HS experience with no one I know.
My family thinks I am being stubborn and unsupportive. My uncle told me I am not thinking about this objectively. He told me facts are having a newborn can be rough and not easy. He claims my parents are trying to spare me. I get that, but why do I have to move across the country because my sister got pregnant?
Here are OP's answers to questions and comments:
Q: How would you like this to go?
OP: IDK, have her stay with the father's family.
Q: Does she know them [the father's family]? Do they agree to this?
OP: We know who the father is, IDK what the details are though. My dad was pissed when he found out and wanted to ---- him. idk anything about his parents or anything. Everyone is kind beating around the bush. My grandparents suggested this to spare me from the drama, and my uncle has done his best to convince me that being here will not be all that great with a baby around.
Most of the details around the baby are unknown to me. I do not even know if he knows or what.
Q: Why stay with people who care less about you?
OP: IDK i barely have a relationship with my grandparents I could count on one hand how many times I have met them. They don't travel much due to their age and they across the country so we don't visit them much. Maybe I am worried I will be asked to help care for them idk. Plus they live in PA all I remember from where they live it gets very cold.
Q: Which high school is better? Would your grandparents be more able than your parents to support you with any sports or after school activities you might want to do? Does the new high school have a lot of new students or is it someplace where everyone’s been together since kindergarten?
OP: My grandparents are in pushing 80, so doubt they would be much support with activities. I also barely know them given their age they don't travel much and given how they live in PA we don't make our way up their much either. I can count on one hand how often I have seen them. As for the schools I know nothing about their school, I will look into that.
C: Just something to think of, if you stay you run the risk of being in house babysitter and any social life or extra for school will be put at bottom of list because your parents and sister already telling you the priority in the house will be the baby.
OP: My uncle also told me something similar but not in as many words.
Q: So, they’re trying to send you to another state so that they can give your sister’s baby your room…? They plan to take on all of the responsibility for their new grandchild while dumping all of the responsibility for their actual child into their elderly parents in order to “support” their older child by ensuring that she faces as little consequences for her actions as possible? No wonder your sister is an idiot.
OP: From what I know it was my grandparents suggestion to spare me the drama.
Q: Why does the baby need its own room? Sister gets a single bed (if she has a larger size), and baby has a crib its first 2 yrs, then a toddler bed. That's what siblings do. They share space and make do. This single mom can do too.
OP: It was my grandparents suggestion for me to move to avoid the drama around the situation. I don't think the room thing is the core reason why they suggested it. They also feel it would be easier to start a new HS from the start instead of coming in later. Thus why they want me to move before they kid is here.
Q: We also never shared a room because my parents thought brother and sisters should have their own spaces. How about your sister and her new baby go live with your grandparents? You shouldn’t be punished for her stupidity.
OP: I can only guess but doubt they want a baby in their house. I know they mean well.
Here's how people judged OP:
Nta. Why does the baby need a whole room to itself? Your sister can’t share her room with her child?
Every teen mom that I know shared a room with the baby in their parents house.
This is nuts, wth. No way would I have one child leave the family home and to another state to accommodate the choices of another child. IMO, this is choosing one child's security and childhood over the others. Sister can suck it up and have her baby in her room and leave you out it. Maybe your sister needs to move out, to grandparents out of state as she is the one who is responsible for this situation.
NTA. You shouldn’t have to, but as a minor, you might not have a choice or at least much of one. You can try to speak to your parents rationally and calmly stating why you want to remain where you are. Be respectful when they are talking, as you want at least the same. Let them know that you think upon things rather than make a rash decision.